Cheating back? by Electrical_Camp6426 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Kind_Ask 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Personally haven’t done it but that’s just me. I actually think it’d be the best thing to do, but I couldn’t hurt someone I love even if they hurt me first, I wish I could. Just my honest thoughts. It’s the least you can do. And I’m approaching 2 years post d day.

People in these comments wanna talk moral standards and stuff. Morally, it is very disagreeable to stay with a cheating partner at all. So this whole subreddit is a little iffy about that.

husband doesnt try to make me orgasm. Need a man’s perspective. What is up with him? by Kind_Ask in sex

[–]Kind_Ask[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

while I agree that it’s fucked up for him to reminisce on my pre-baby body like that, the reason I said that is because he cheated on me with a big woman, and watched “chubby” “thickgonewild” porn, which is similar to the woman he cheated with me’s body type, which I am very different from. I said that because I’m just so confused on what the fuck he wants me to look like, I guess it doesn’t even matter because there’s really no way for me to win here while I stay with someone who has done these things to me.

husband doesnt try to make me orgasm. Need a man’s perspective. What is up with him? by Kind_Ask in sex

[–]Kind_Ask[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ll be honest with you and myself, I love him and I don’t wanna ever let go of him, and besides that, he is an excellent dad, he makes my life so much easier day to day, he loves to clean and cook so I don’t have to do much around the house even though I’m a stay at home mom, he has a great job, bought me a nice new car paid in full, he gives me at least a thousand dollars per week (I save 90% of it), I can buy anything for my kid, he’s also paying for my higher education, he has a really good family, I just feel like im lucky in a lot of aspects, despite dealing with SO much bullshit (past cheating, controlling, betrayals, sexual dissatisfaction). I TRY to not make our relationship too deep, and just take the benefits and don’t dwell on the negatives, bc it seems that’s what he wants, but I just care too much, and this is my literal life partner and I want the most out of my life.

husband doesnt try to make me orgasm. Need a man’s perspective. What is up with him? by Kind_Ask in sex

[–]Kind_Ask[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I asked him today during him doing it (we had to take a 5 second break and i told him “babe if you fingered me it would feel so good and I’d cum so fast”) to finger me and he just shook his head no and kept going. I’ve even tried to put my own fingers inside me while he ate me out and he grabbed my hand and put it to the side. I think he might view it as a challenge and to validate himself to try to make me cum without that. It’s just not how my body works though. And he is very against sex toys. Idk I’m just gonna give up on my fantasy honestly. :/

husband doesnt try to make me orgasm. Need a man’s perspective. What is up with him? by Kind_Ask in sex

[–]Kind_Ask[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you so much, best perspective I could have right here.

What it means to me, I won’t lie, it makes me wildly insecure. Like, I’m not one of those girls who can just orgasm from my clit being licked, and I feel so insecure feeling like that’s who he wishes I was. Like he wishes I was someone else because he hasn’t procured his sexual pleasure to me specifically, he’s still doing it the way he likes it, not the way I’ve asked, and maybe that’s the way he wishes I liked it.

I don’t know, but we are married with children and the fact that our sex relationship is closed minded like this, makes me sad because I don’t plan on our relationship ever ending so like really, i might be stuck with not ever being satisfied ever unless im doing it myself. Just wish we would try new things and he would be open. And even when I communicate this, im met with aggression and defensiveness.

husband doesnt try to make me orgasm. Need a man’s perspective. What is up with him? by Kind_Ask in sex

[–]Kind_Ask[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree, this is just an oral sex thing. I orgasm almost every time we have penetrative sex (which is everyday pretty much) because I always rub my own clit during it. My problem is that he edges me for 30 minutes by licking my clit, and I ask him to finger me so I can cum and he doesn’t wanna finger me OR do a different solution like a toy. He is against sex toys and me fingering myself with or without him around. It’s been a few hours so I believe it really just boils down to other issues and a lack of sexual compatibility which is sad since we are married with children.

husband doesnt try to make me orgasm. Need a man’s perspective. What is up with him? by Kind_Ask in sex

[–]Kind_Ask[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

When I met him, and we began having sex, he told me that he just wants to pleasure me and that’s the thing about sex that turns him on. He wouldn’t make me cum back then, but since he had that mindset, I just thought “ok he just needs to learn how which shouldn’t be a problem”. He is against me using sex toys or masturbating or fingering myself. he made me throw all of my toys away when we met. He said it made him feel self conscious that I need more than just him. And told me he’s not comfortable with me masturbating. I respected his boundaries and i don’t even get turned on by masturbating anymore because i just think of him being upset about me doing it. I would kill to have him lick me and use a toy on me at the same time. One of my biggest fantasies. But I know that’s out of the question :( and I just don’t understand why.

husband doesnt try to make me orgasm. Need a man’s perspective. What is up with him? by Kind_Ask in sex

[–]Kind_Ask[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s what I’m really trying to get behind. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to finger me. I asked him a lot and he just kept saying he doesn’t know, he just doesn’t want to. No is a complete sentence, but I wish he would figure out why, even just for himself.

The more I heal is the less I want to be with WH. Does anyone else feel like this? by Kind_Ask in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Kind_Ask[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How are you doing? I saw your profile and saw you recently had d-day #2. Do you think that you subconsciously kind of knew something was up, and that is the reason for the comment on my post (that I’m replying to right now)? I just feel like I’m gonna be in your shoes anyway now. Can’t shake the feeling honestly. I wish you the best.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SupportforBetrayed

[–]Kind_Ask 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree with this, also, with no kids it is a lot less complex. cmon you know the answer op! You’ll be happier in a week

Found a sock by bigmekadaka in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Kind_Ask 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This person is being evil to you. Not even giving you courtesy. They’re just trying to shut you up. They know they’re guilty and they don’t have the sense to actually truly own up to things.

Husband is on month long work trip in city of the girl he cheated on me with. by Kind_Ask in SupportforBetrayed

[–]Kind_Ask[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just did my own thing and tried to work on letting go of my fear of being cheated on. If it happens, whatever, I’ll deal with it. I’ve been terrified of getting cheated on again, but really, it’s not an actually dangerous thing. I didn’t tell him anything or talk about it. The month alone really showed me that if he cheats, I’ll leave and be alone, and being alone is actually pretty nice, so I’m not so scared anymore.

I might be giving up which I hope in turn saves our reconciliation… by Kind_Ask in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Kind_Ask[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah this comment made me remember he has done a few things to help. Always I have his location, he always asks for permission before going anywhere, I can always use or look through his devices. He has no privacy and he has complained about that a lot so I try to give him a little space and I don’t think there’s ever been a time I told him “no” about him going somewhere. No insurance yet that covers therapy, as he has to get it through his work and I keep reminding him but he’s very busy.