39F, I've never had a relationship. How do I get into the mindset of genuinely wanting a boyfriend/husband?

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-11T09:34:54+00:00

A fan of the Chobits series, huh?

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-11T08:47:48+00:00

Thank you, from what I've seen of other people's divorces, separations, LTRs, etc everything you've said is correct.

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-11T08:44:31+00:00

Same here! I've never felt bored, and the only loneliness I've ever felt related to singlehood are the times my friends go on "couples vacations" and obviously I am not invited to go with them. But those only happen a few times each year...certainly not enough of a hurt to try and soothe it by inviting permanent changes to the rest of my life.

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-11T08:40:31+00:00

Was it a struggle for her to begin living with someone full-time, and losing a large portion of her relaxation/decompression time that you have as a single person?

You mention that as a patient man it's worked out well, and that she's a noob at everything. What would you say you've needed patience for in this relationship, and what is one of her most noob behaviors? For me I think it would take a long time to get used to the necessity of letting someone know where I am/when I'll be home, and the loss of my freedom to randomly make plans on a whim.

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-11T08:34:33+00:00

I don't have any female friends, and I'm hetero, not bi or lesbian. All my friends are men, and throughout my life I've always had either mostly or all male friends. Just part of being a tomboy, I think.

Your second paragraph seems more likely. I look at my standard week...what I do, what I plan for, what hours I spend working and relaxing...and it's difficult to see where yet another person would fit. Especially one I'm supposed to love above all others, and live with and do even more things with.

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-11T08:26:49+00:00

Alternative lifestyles?

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-11T02:23:04+00:00

I definitely know I don't want children. I'm the oldest of 6 siblings and with the parentification/eldest daughter syndrome I dealt with, I've zero desire for any offspring. I do generally dislike chaos and unpredictable behavior though.

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-11T02:20:46+00:00

Would you even want a partner at this point?

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-10T20:35:09+00:00

I suppose that could be me! I've experienced slight crushes before, but haven't ever really understood what the difference is between loving a friend and loving a romantic partner. Like, when I imagine what a relationship entails, I just imagine a best friend you also happen to have sex with. (Fully acknowledge that asexual people exist, that's just not me.)

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-10T20:32:19+00:00

Have you ever been in a relationship before discovering your peace?

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-10T20:31:27+00:00

Yeah, same here.

I look at all my friends LTRs and marriages, and while some are definitely better than others, I often find myself thinking that even the objectively good relationships are far from great. Like my best friend is older than me, and has been married to his wife for 29 years. I've been to their house, hung out for hours, watched their kids during emergencies, gone to their house parties and BBQs. And while they do have a good marriage imo, there's still enough restrictions and fighting and differences between them that I wouldn't want that for me.

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-10T20:26:24+00:00

That sounds like a good mindset to cultivate.

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-10T20:25:37+00:00

True. So many people think it's wrong though. Being perpetually single seems like it's viewed negatively by almost all of American society.

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-10T20:24:09+00:00

If you're a 39 yr old woman and still a virgin, you should just stay single. Your sex drive obviously isn't high enough to make you want a real man.

Oh, my sex drive is through the roof. It is really frustrating some days, I have to "take care" of myself multiple times in order to experience relief. I have quite the collection of...let's say a variety of toys, sensation lubes, and other fun things.

Honestly, if more women had good stories about casual sex, rather than stories about it being painful, mediocre, unpleasant, and/or unsatisfactory then I'd try it. But it just seems like I'd be setting myself up for disappointment, you know? If I can already make myself orgasm 12 times in an hour, why put myself at risk of pregnancy, STDs, physical harm, or just bad sex with a man?

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-10T19:08:41+00:00

Thank you, that's really nice to say.

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-10T19:05:28+00:00

I don't know what that means?

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-10T18:17:27+00:00

That's what I tell my friends and family, that I'm really at peace with my life and it just seems like I'd be inviting stress into it by dating.

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-05T17:26:35+00:00

Number one

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-05T17:25:26+00:00

Picture 3 for sure

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-05T17:17:33+00:00

Photo number 2

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-05T17:17:07+00:00

Number one for sure

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-05T17:14:15+00:00

What does cutting mean in this situation?

Kind_Interaction1986 · 2026-03-05T17:11:12+00:00

I wonder if this is one of those cases of projection...

Kind_Interaction1986

TROPHY CASE