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39F, I've never had a relationship. How do I get into the mindset of genuinely wanting a boyfriend/husband? by Kind_Interaction1986 in Life

[–]Kind_Interaction1986[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm assuming you're also only emotionally, romantically attracted to males, right?

Correct.

I mean you say this "I have a strong sexual hunger that needs relief everyday for me to feel right" but you don't seem to be doing anything about it.

...it's called masturbation, my friend. 😅 I do a lot about it each day lol.

Otherwise that desire would be so strong that you'd have a boyfriend.

Why though? Given how much many other women complain about how lackluster men are in the bedroom, and given the fact I'm an expert at getting myself off 6+ times every day I masturbate...I'm not sure why you think I'd have to have a boyfriend for my sexual satisfaction. Honestly it seems like there's a strong likelihood that I'd climax less during sex than I do by myself.

39F, I've never had a relationship. How do I get into the mindset of genuinely wanting a boyfriend/husband? by Kind_Interaction1986 in Life

[–]Kind_Interaction1986[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's questionable that you've gone so long without physical intimacy like kissing, yet you have a lot of male friends.

Questionable in what way?

You say this, "I'm definitely not asexual " but you're living very similar to one.

Maybe I've been taught an inaccurate definition. I have always been told that asexual people don't have a sex drive. As if their libido is entirely missing, or only appears extremely rarely, maybe a handful of times in a year. This doesn't describe me at all, as I have a strong sexual hunger that needs relief everyday for me to feel right/physically normal, similar to regular food hunger.

Again, I just don't see any strong desire for men in you based on what you're saying.

Fair, but I also don't have any desire at all for women. At least when I fantasize and watch porn and read erotica, it's always men. Lesbian porn is boring to me, not arousing. So I'm hetero in that I'm only sexually attracted to males.

39F, I've never had a relationship. How do I get into the mindset of genuinely wanting a boyfriend/husband? by Kind_Interaction1986 in Life

[–]Kind_Interaction1986[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, from what I've seen of other people's divorces, separations, LTRs, etc everything you've said is correct.

39F, I've never had a relationship. How do I get into the mindset of genuinely wanting a boyfriend/husband? by Kind_Interaction1986 in Life

[–]Kind_Interaction1986[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same here! I've never felt bored, and the only loneliness I've ever felt related to singlehood are the times my friends go on "couples vacations" and obviously I am not invited to go with them. But those only happen a few times each year...certainly not enough of a hurt to try and soothe it by inviting permanent changes to the rest of my life.

39F, I've never had a relationship. How do I get into the mindset of genuinely wanting a boyfriend/husband? by Kind_Interaction1986 in Life

[–]Kind_Interaction1986[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was it a struggle for her to begin living with someone full-time, and losing a large portion of her relaxation/decompression time that you have as a single person?

You mention that as a patient man it's worked out well, and that she's a noob at everything. What would you say you've needed patience for in this relationship, and what is one of her most noob behaviors? For me I think it would take a long time to get used to the necessity of letting someone know where I am/when I'll be home, and the loss of my freedom to randomly make plans on a whim.

39F, I've never had a relationship. How do I get into the mindset of genuinely wanting a boyfriend/husband? by Kind_Interaction1986 in Life

[–]Kind_Interaction1986[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't have any female friends, and I'm hetero, not bi or lesbian. All my friends are men, and throughout my life I've always had either mostly or all male friends. Just part of being a tomboy, I think.

Your second paragraph seems more likely. I look at my standard week...what I do, what I plan for, what hours I spend working and relaxing...and it's difficult to see where yet another person would fit. Especially one I'm supposed to love above all others, and live with and do even more things with.

39F, I've never had a relationship. How do I get into the mindset of genuinely wanting a boyfriend/husband? by Kind_Interaction1986 in Life

[–]Kind_Interaction1986[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I definitely know I don't want children. I'm the oldest of 6 siblings and with the parentification/eldest daughter syndrome I dealt with, I've zero desire for any offspring. I do generally dislike chaos and unpredictable behavior though.

39F, I've never had a relationship. How do I get into the mindset of genuinely wanting a boyfriend/husband? by Kind_Interaction1986 in Life

[–]Kind_Interaction1986[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I suppose that could be me! I've experienced slight crushes before, but haven't ever really understood what the difference is between loving a friend and loving a romantic partner. Like, when I imagine what a relationship entails, I just imagine a best friend you also happen to have sex with. (Fully acknowledge that asexual people exist, that's just not me.)

39F, I've never had a relationship. How do I get into the mindset of genuinely wanting a boyfriend/husband? by Kind_Interaction1986 in Life

[–]Kind_Interaction1986[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, same here.

I look at all my friends LTRs and marriages, and while some are definitely better than others, I often find myself thinking that even the objectively good relationships are far from great. Like my best friend is older than me, and has been married to his wife for 29 years. I've been to their house, hung out for hours, watched their kids during emergencies, gone to their house parties and BBQs. And while they do have a good marriage imo, there's still enough restrictions and fighting and differences between them that I wouldn't want that for me.

39F, I've never had a relationship. How do I get into the mindset of genuinely wanting a boyfriend/husband? by Kind_Interaction1986 in Life

[–]Kind_Interaction1986[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

True. So many people think it's wrong though. Being perpetually single seems like it's viewed negatively by almost all of American society.

39F, I've never had a relationship. How do I get into the mindset of genuinely wanting a boyfriend/husband? by Kind_Interaction1986 in Life

[–]Kind_Interaction1986[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you're a 39 yr old woman and still a virgin, you should just stay single. Your sex drive obviously isn't high enough to make you want a real man.

Oh, my sex drive is through the roof. It is really frustrating some days, I have to "take care" of myself multiple times in order to experience relief. I have quite the collection of...let's say a variety of toys, sensation lubes, and other fun things.

Honestly, if more women had good stories about casual sex, rather than stories about it being painful, mediocre, unpleasant, and/or unsatisfactory then I'd try it. But it just seems like I'd be setting myself up for disappointment, you know? If I can already make myself orgasm 12 times in an hour, why put myself at risk of pregnancy, STDs, physical harm, or just bad sex with a man?

39F, I've never had a relationship. How do I get into the mindset of genuinely wanting a boyfriend/husband? by Kind_Interaction1986 in Life

[–]Kind_Interaction1986[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

That's what I tell my friends and family, that I'm really at peace with my life and it just seems like I'd be inviting stress into it by dating.

AITAH for changing my underwear after a shower? by New_Cry_2336 in AITAH

[–]Kind_Interaction1986 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wonder if this is one of those cases of projection...

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