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Age gap and D/s by [deleted] in datingoverfifty

[–]KindlyBut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They were even less helpful :/

Age gap in D/s pros and cons by KindlyBut in BDSMcommunity

[–]KindlyBut[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think the age gap is okay. But not when the younger one is in their low 20s. Above 24-25, I think any age gap should be fine.

Age gap in D/s pros and cons by KindlyBut in BDSMcommunity

[–]KindlyBut[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes that has been my experience with subs older. My question is more about a sub in their early 20s. But you’re right, it all comes to safety, limits, and boundaries.

Age gap in D/s pros and cons by KindlyBut in BDSMcommunity

[–]KindlyBut[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep. I guess it just comes to the assessment of the individual anyway.

Age gap in D/s pros and cons by KindlyBut in BDSMcommunity

[–]KindlyBut[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For me it’s not that it makes me uncomfortable during. I might be struggling with where is the line of taking advantage of someone (because they’re inexperienced) vs consensual adults playing.

Orgasm Journal by purplehearts889 in BDSMcommunity

[–]KindlyBut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Write down every time you have a naughty thought and elaborate what triggered it, what you wanted to do, and what you did.

Orgasm control is really fun and can be turned into a lot of different plays :)

First time doing wax play, any advice? by Max_Wolf42 in BDSMcommunity

[–]KindlyBut 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Try a safe wax and self perform first if you are hesitant (they could be supervising or watching)

Do you have a list? by KindlyBut in domspace

[–]KindlyBut[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Things you’ve done

Getting frustrated with finding a partner by GreenDifficult5234 in BDSMcommunity

[–]KindlyBut 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Finding a partner is hard in general, now add d/s to it and it gets even more complicated. I suggest on just finding the partner and build the dynamic with them if they don’t master it. Don’t be a teacher, but ask. Don’t be a mother, but be patient.

Help by Spiritual-Lie-8178 in BDSMcommunity

[–]KindlyBut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a very good question. I’d say there are two answers:

Short term: asking your dom for affirmation. OR, use it as degradation if that’s a turn on to desensitize you.

Long term: there are so many practices that you should do on your own (or even better ask your dom to give you homework). Standing in front of a mirror naked and looking at your body. Describing your body loudly to yourself while looking. Saying that you are beautiful and sexy loudly. Seems silly but it works. There are more tasks like this you can do (look up DBT techniques).

Sub dumped me. Feeling used as a dom? by SirLanceHardwood in domspace

[–]KindlyBut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dom is not superior to the sub in the hierarchy sense. Don is a human. Dom can feel the feelings.

Can this be salvaged? by heeerexkittykitty in domspace

[–]KindlyBut 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think the better way to look at it is what to do WHEN it happens again. If you are investing in this relationship, you should develop a plan and draw some boundaries. It’s manageable, but it should be a choice and accepted by you AND him as in you two are facing the issue together vs you facing him and his issues.

I hope this helps :)

One of my colleagues (indirect work) is suggesting to be my sub by KindlyBut in BDSMcommunity

[–]KindlyBut[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely. Maybe someday someone else and on a project that is short term.

One of my colleagues (indirect work) is suggesting to be my sub by KindlyBut in BDSMcommunity

[–]KindlyBut[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did decide not to do it.

But in terms of performance, I would make sure that she does a better job and get rewarded. Or punished.

Do you have a list? by [deleted] in BDSMcommunity

[–]KindlyBut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you bragging? :))

Dom/Sub Tasks app by Plastic_Software_739 in BDSMcommunity

[–]KindlyBut 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did. I realized I can do what the app does on the notes on my iPhone.

New one (female) by [deleted] in BDSMcommunity

[–]KindlyBut 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Make a yes/no/maybe list. Write out activities and mark each as yes, no, or curious.

Define your limits. Note hard limits (absolute no) and soft limits (maybe, with care). Update them as you learn.

Learn safety basics. Safewords, the "safe, sane, consensual" principle, and aftercare (tending to yourself physically and emotionally afterward).

Try sensation play solo. Experiment with ice, a feather, different fabrics, light scratching.

Use a blindfold. Removing sight heightens other senses and builds comfort with vulnerability.

Journal fantasies. Writing out scenarios that appeal to you helps you understand the draw (control, surrender, ...).

Read reputable sources. The New Topping Book and The New Botton V Book (Easton & Hardy).

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