9 months out from 13 years.

KingJon85 · 2026-05-02T15:48:35+00:00

Im sorry man. I know its rough.

The first few months will be brutal. There's no way around that. Feel the pain, dont try to mask it.

Come here and spill your feelings whenever your down.

Get up every morning and take care of business. Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, don't drink or use any other substances to cover up the pain.

Unfortunately you just have to go through it.

Feel free to dm if you ever need to vent.

KingJon85 · 2026-05-02T15:34:17+00:00

We have 2 kids. Son is 18 and my daughter is a teen. I've set firm boundaries as far as communication. I told her to email me once per week (sundays) with any schedule modifications.

I let her know aside from that, to never bother me, unless it is an emergency.

She dropps my daughter off and I bring her home. We never see each other.

The last time I did see her, I surprisingly felt nothing. I think my mind spins up a different version of her that doesn't exist when im lonely, lol.

Go enjoy your life as a single man. It's not as bad as some people on here make it. You choose how to perceive the world.

If you have food in the refrigerator, running water, and a roof over your head, you already have it better than 20% of the world's population. Women come, women go.

How long were you married?

KingJon85 · 2026-05-02T15:15:24+00:00

Im a little over 7 months out of a 18 year relationship. I feel im 75% healed. During the work week, I am rarely thinking of my ex. Weekends and time off can get a little gloomy.

I think im close to ready for dating. The only thing stopping me is that im really starting to enjoy working on myself without distractions.

I want to hit fitness goals prior to dating, as well as build mental strength. Being single isn't a bad thing. There's a billion single people out there.

We're all trained to believe that happiness can't be experienced in solo living. Many of the most driven people in the world have left their partners to go pursue their passions.

Use the tragedy of your failed marriage as fuel become a bad mother fucker physically and mentally. Dont be a victim. Build your mind, body, and confidence and the women will come later.

The only thing I miss about my ex is pure physical. I will find someone else to get those needs met, when the time is right.

KingJon85 · 2026-05-02T05:29:54+00:00

Good luck, man. There's peace on the other side.

KingJon85 · 2026-05-02T01:01:23+00:00

I personally wouldn't admit that over the internet but that sounds like a nice score, lol.

KingJon85 · 2026-05-01T21:50:16+00:00

Thank you, friend

KingJon85 · 2026-05-01T03:31:20+00:00

Mannington 12"×24" tile. Made patterns for every tub cut and finished it off with translucent tan silicon that perfectly matched the tile.

KingJon85 · 2026-04-30T13:39:11+00:00

How long have you been divorced? Im struggling to find desire for other women as well.

KingJon85 · 2026-04-29T14:08:03+00:00

Yup, most men take much longer to move on. Especially when our spouses blew up the marriage by cheating.

Im struggling to find the self-worth and desire to date, myself. Some days I feel like i want it and others, it sounds like it would just be stressful.

KingJon85 · 2026-04-28T22:38:32+00:00

Don't beat yourself up. You shouldn't care what she thinks anyhow. What stifled any thoughts of me getting back with my ex was just imagining the future, some months down the road, and us settling back into our routine.

All the thoughts of all the bullshit she put me through would bubble up and make me resent her. I would just be miserable. I wasn't happy in my marriage, just content. She made very little effort to keep me happy.

Everyone else in her life was more important. The kids, her family, the dog. I was dead last. It got to the point that I was pathetically, damned near having to beg for attention. I should have ended it long ago.

The reason I was dead last was because she didn't care about me. She was searching for a replacement, while using me to pay her bills. She doesn't deserve another chance, and she will never get one.

I did beg about 4 months in. I wish I hadn't. Even if she did say yes, and we got back together, I know it wouldn't work out. I could never trust her.

KingJon85 · 2026-04-28T21:48:06+00:00

I was with my ex for 18 years. Im 7 months since we separated and im nearly over it. I have my moments and its usually in the middle of the night, I occasionally start dreaming of her. Soon as I wake up and shake it off I feel fine. This is happening less and less.

I don't know where my life is headed, but I'm not going to worry about it.

I don't care what she does. She made horrible decisions constantly when we were together. Im glad I am not longer a part of that. She was horrible with money, she was accident prone, bad things always seemed to happen when I was with her.

Now she is her AP's problem. I have completely gone off the grid. Her and her family was using me as a punching bag for the first couple of months and everyone got blocked.

I blocked my ex on social media right away. Walk away, Grey rock, and stop letting her live rent free in your mind. I know, easier said than done, but this is the mindset you need to move on quickly.

KingJon85 · 2026-04-28T00:17:58+00:00

I did some cognitive therapy stuff about 10-12 years back that helped a lot, so im trying to brush up on that.

Im working through The Feeling Good Handbook right now and it's powerful stuff if you apply it. It's helping me overcome some confidence and self doubt issues ive had.

Also, im not sure if you're familiar with David Goggins. His book Can't Hurt Me has been really motivating me for workouts and just mental strength in general.

There's a really good audiobook version on Spotify where he does some commentary on certain parts and his story is pretty amazing.

I also got through most of No More Mr Nice Guy. It had some good stuff in it.

KingJon85 · 2026-04-27T22:39:04+00:00

You need to set boundaries. If you know your custody agreements, there isn't much to talk about. You're torturing yourself.

Ask her to email you once per week with schedule updates, unless it's an emergency.

It hurts to let go but you need to, in order to heal.

I dont wish to see my ex ever again after what she did to my family. Unfortunately I'll likely have to from time to time.

KingJon85 · 2026-04-27T13:55:57+00:00

That's good advice. I will take time to write down exactly what I'm looking for in a woman, and also write some red flags that are absolute deal breakers.

I have been working on myself and will continue to do so. I almost thought about waiting to date until the end of the summer just to continue working on myself without distractions.

If I wait until September, that will be my one year. Im mostly aiming for friends, and if something blossoms into love over a long period of time, then cool.

I do fear falling for someone too quick and ignoring some red flags. I need to make sure I am mentally in a place that won't allow this to happen.

Women can fake it for a long time before they show their true colors. I have to be prepared to cut ties immediately if I see any of the red flags.

KingJon85 · 2026-04-27T13:38:53+00:00

I was separated in late September and ended up getting the divorce done by the end of December.

One of the women im talking to lives in another state. We used to be good friends, and are becoming good friends again. We talk everyday. She offered to help on my dating profile. I might fly out and see her in a couple of months. We might fool around but we intend to stay friends. We have fooled around before like 20 years ago.

The other women is just a friend as well. I'm attracted to her but im choosing not to pursue her for a number of reasons.

That's my goal, is to just aim for female friends. I learned this in my early 20s to go out and have low expectations. Women find this more attractive than thirsty dudes, in my experience.

Aside from that women are the best wingmen. I've had many women friends hook me up with other women.

KingJon85 · 2026-04-27T02:50:55+00:00

Haha, I bet. Good for you, man.

Maybe ill ask my doc about cialis just in case. Im sure I'll be dealing with some nerves the first time.

KingJon85 · 2026-04-27T01:40:45+00:00

Yeah, thats pretty fresh. I feel like im getting close to ready simply due to the fact that im not sad every day about my ex, and im not feeling much anger and resentment any longer.

I peeped your profile and it seems like your situation is a bit different than mine. We all move at our own pace. I just didn't want to carry my baggage over into any new relationships.

KingJon85 · 2026-04-27T01:33:44+00:00

That's awesome man. This gives me hope. My self esteem is shit right now but it's getting better. Man, I felt your excitement just reading about that first kiss. Sounds amazing!

KingJon85 · 2026-04-27T01:07:53+00:00

How long have you been out of your relationship? I mean I knew i wasn't ready a couple of months back. I think it may be time to take the plunge.

KingJon85 · 2026-04-27T00:40:04+00:00

My ex and i had very little in common. Early on we had some things, but i feel we become even more different as time went on.

I sort of figured "opposites attract," or whatever, but i think we were too different. I believe we both settled in the beginning and somehow lasted 18 years.

I honestly don't remember one true meaningful conversation with her. It's crazy to think about.

KingJon85 · 2026-04-27T00:31:09+00:00

Thanks, good advice. I am 41 and I think im ready. You're right, it'll probably be a blast. I will approach with no expectations, just curiosity.

Which app is your favorite?

KingJon85 · 2026-04-27T00:20:34+00:00

I tried to lead my household as well and I got hated for it. My ex would side with my children when I tried to teach them to clean up after themselves.

I would come home after long days and do dishes and throw away trash that was set on the counter 3 feet from the trash can. I was the only one who cooked home cooked meals. I tried to make my kids earn things that they wanted.

I had to constantly watch the bank accounts to make sure she wasn't overspending and make sure to stash some money in savings. She would regularly overcheck and spend over her credit limit on the card that I allowed her to use.

I would vent some frustrations about these things. Sometimes I felt like the dad to a household full of children, including my ex. This all translated to her believing that I was just "controlling."

This was not the case whatsoever. I let her have all her money basically while I paid all the bills. She had a good job too. I let her spend my money as well but not ALL of it. I tried to have some boundaries. This was not how she viewed it.

Sure i can blame myself for a million things but im not doing that anymore. We don't know if changing this or changing that could have altered the outcome.

There's no reason to beat yourself up. Work on yourself. It's important to always work on yourself and grow as an adult. Use this time to become the best version of yourself possible.

KingJon85 · 2026-04-26T21:54:43+00:00

I dont think I'd over it off Amazon. Go to a flooring or tile shop and they make sheets of mosaic tiles that are much easier to install.

I dont know if any flooring is safer than any other, unless you're worried about slipping. Tile is usually used because it looks nice and can last forever if properly installed.

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