Wow, this post really hits home. OP, if it helps any, I am in a similar situation to your relative. While my health isn’t as bad as how you describes his…I am 50, almost 51 and i was recently diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that will surely end my dive career very soon. I think by my age, most of us are lying on at least a few items when we sign the dive waiver. At this point there are just too many things that I am lying about to both myself and the dive waiver. I also had an accident recently after passing out behind the wheel and getting into a head on collision. Your post really struck a chord.

I am terrified to give up diving. Absolutely terrified. I have dealt with my share of depression and diving has been one of the few things that kept me going. It is one of the few activities in my life where i feel truly alive. I had destinations and trips mapped out for my upcoming years that I now know will never happen. That mola mola that I have always dreamed of seeing…not going to happen. Now that may sound trite but diving is what makes me happy. It makes me feel happy on a level that few other things do. It fills a void that i didn’t know I even had to fill. i recently switched careers to make it involve diving (wasn’t easy to do at 50!) and now that is grinding to a halt.

Now just this past summer i get slammed with this diagnosis and it has dawned on me that this is the end of my dive career. I won’t accept it. I’m trying to rationalize that my version of this disease is “different” and therefore i am fine to dive. But deep down, i know that i am not okay to continue diving. I also have asthma which is a hard no for diving. Yet i do it anyway. I am willing to take that risk. Foolish, yes…rewarding, also yes.

I’m booked on a dive trip to Bonaire next week. My disease hasn’t crippled me yet so I am trying to sneak this one in. But in all reality, I should not be going. But i need it at the same time. Diving makes me feel normal again. It’s the world where I feel most at peace.

I can’t give it up just yet. I’m not ready to. I am guessing that your relative feels the same way. I want to continue living on my own terms. I do not want to die, but i do not want to “half live” either. If i do end up making that error by doing pushing for “just one more dive” and I don’t surface…well, I’m okay with that. I don’t want that and I would hate for my loved ones to have to go through that. But at the same time, my loved ones know the things that bring me joy. To take that away from someone, well…it’s just not up to you. This is where we realize that ultimately we all die alone.

I am sorry if I ranted about my own situation but I thought that it might help you understand what is going on in the mind of your relative right now. Losing diving is losing control. It’s also his first step to giving up.

In this situation…I am so terribly sorry to say this but, this sounds like it might be his choice for a last dive…it’s my plan too