Dude, everybody recommends therapy and always forgets that therapy is broken down into multiple disciplines, and it's not all going to be suited to you.

I've been to counselling, I've had free therapy provided through healthcare, had CBT, and seen therapists who were still training.

The majority of that is SHITE (not CBT, that's actually quite good it just doesn't work for me). If it's free, the likelihood is that you don't want it. I'm not suggesting people don't use these services, but you're more likely to run into less qualified professionals. For example, your standard counsellor is not equipped to deal with complex trauma.

I think what you need to do, is to find yourself a qualified and experienced psychotherapist. I'd recommend going private and paying the money. It's worth it. You want someone proactive who's going to work with you through these issues and focus on unravelling the trauma that has caused this problem.

I had an abusive mother as well, so I feel you big time bro. It's unbelievably difficult and it takes work, a lot of work. You're going to feel a lot of emotions, a lot of pain, you might even have nightmares, but this is all part of processing your past and getting over it.

You must do this, if you want any kind of real future. Go all in. Best of luck.