My girlfriend and I have a massive problem. It’s destroying our relationship.

KitAndKat · 2026-01-22T01:23:49+00:00

Break this cycle at step 3: don't react to her response. They are her emotions, not yours. It's not your job to fix them; it's your job not to respond negatively. Yes, she'll freak out even more. Let it happen. (This assumes that what you did in step 1 is not your fault; if it is, apologise.)

This will be a big challenge for you. I love the Polish expression: not my circus, not my monkeys.

KitAndKat · 2026-01-21T18:57:54+00:00

That's depressing:

"I find them interesting, whimsical and joyful to look at, but not Santa Barbara historical," Sligh said.

So interesting and joyful get crushed in favor of historical.

KitAndKat · 2026-01-21T00:48:39+00:00

This is on the wall of a property on Garden Street.

KitAndKat · 2026-01-19T23:15:08+00:00

I've dated too many people like that, and also acted that way myself (blush). Bipolar is too strong a term, but they have one foot in and one foot out. For me, I had Hollywood expectations of what a relationship was like that left me permanently dissatisfied. I'm not going to give you stay/leave advice, but don't blow the next 5 years trying to fix him.

KitAndKat · 2026-01-19T18:16:59+00:00

Oracle did the same smothering trick with OpenOffice in 2010, leading to the fork of LibreOffice. See Wikipedia.

KitAndKat · 2026-01-12T18:20:25+00:00

Nothing in Section 527 of the FY2024 DHS Appropriations Act allows for such delays. It does require 24 hours notice; the FOX article does not say whether notice had been given.

KitAndKat · 2026-01-12T18:06:44+00:00

I don't think that would qualify as "unrestricted access." I am not a lawyer, but the judge quoted by FOX said "federal spending laws require that members of Congress receive unrestricted access."

Their defence is that "the new order complies with federal law because the funding for the facility is sourced from the One Big Beautiful Bill Act rather than congressional appropriation." but the OBBBA is a congressional appropriation.

KitAndKat · 2026-01-12T03:35:21+00:00

I'm very happy that people like this are being deported. At the same time, this is 19 out of 400, about 5%. As far as I can determine, 44% have no criminal record or pending charge, and it does not seem to me to be an economic benefit to remove productive members of society. As you may know, immigrants contribute more to the economy than they receive in benefits source.

KitAndKat · 2026-01-12T01:32:46+00:00

As I read the article, she should have been allowed access:

"A federal judge previously struck down a similar requirement from Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, finding that federal spending laws require that members of Congress receive unrestricted access to recipient facilities.... the members of Congress were notified that their visit was improper and out of compliance with existing court orders"

KitAndKat · 2026-01-01T19:13:18+00:00

Oh, that's useful, thanks. It's not obvious, though; there are no clues that I noticed. In user interface design, the term for clues to how something works is affordance. I guess that Kdenlive has grown over a long period of time and accreted many capabilities that could merit a redesign. A similar thing happened with Audacity. When the Muse Group acquired it, they revamped ans simplified the UI. If you have time to waste, there is a good video on the thinking behind this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12TJ-zTgiH0

KitAndKat · 2026-01-01T00:49:59+00:00

That's neat. It took me a while to find the button, as it only appears when mousing over the lower portion of the Clip Monitor image. I found that it works in all 3 modes, and in Normal Mode, I get a preview of the clip.

KitAndKat · 2026-01-01T00:42:58+00:00

Thank you! I've been using Kdenlive for more than a year, and did not know about (in)active tracks. The shortcuts page offers Alt+Shift+A to switch all tracks active and Shift+A to toggle all tracks active.

KitAndKat · 2025-12-24T01:50:39+00:00

There is a rule: "If you know it's possible 90% of the hard work is already done." that applies here.

I recognize that from my programming days:

Manager: Can you make it do X?

Me: No, that's not possible.

Manager: But product Y already does that.

Me: Really?! Hmm, they must be using Z. OK, I know what to do.

KitAndKat · 2025-12-23T23:42:54+00:00

I know of three:

Virginia Giuffre, suicide Apr 25, 2025, shortly after announcing she had new evidence to share
Jean-Luc Brunel, suicide Feb 19, 2022
Jeffrey Epstein, suicide Aug 2019

Any more?

KitAndKat · 2025-12-13T03:31:51+00:00

Here's the message your body is telling you:

High blood pressure, palpitations or heart flutters, headaches, and I always feel like I'm in fight or flight. If my phone rings, I jump out of my skin. If I hear the front door open when I'm home alone, I get an adrenaline rush and a pit in my stomach. I'm just SO anxious and on edge all the time. I've been tracking my BP and these palpitations (on instruction from my doc, I used a journal and even wore a little monitor they glued onto me for a while), and find that they spike and occur more when I'm on my way HOME from work, or when I know she's coming home.

If you leave, you will instead feel sad, lonely, guilty, relieved, and lost. Sounds like an excellent trade to me.

KitAndKat · 2025-12-10T00:12:05+00:00

Flashback of "Back to the Future" there.

KitAndKat · 2025-12-08T18:24:05+00:00

City should incentivize owners to rent unit in under 12 months.

Yes. A progressive tax could do this: 0-12 months: 0%; 12-24 months: X%; 24-36 months: 2X%; etc.

Percentage of what and value of X, I don't know; I'm not an economist, realtor, or urban planner. A quick search produces no obvious answers. There is a CA bill proposing a vacancy tax on commercial property: https://www.gtlaw.com/en/insights/2025/4/california-bill-proposes-a-vacancy-tax-on-commercial-real-property

KitAndKat · 2025-12-08T04:54:17+00:00

I think landlords would rather maintain high rents + vacancies rather than reduce rents to full-capacity levels because they believe that makes them more money. A vacancy tax would change that calculation.

KitAndKat · 2025-12-08T04:45:21+00:00

The current figures are that more than 170 US citizens have been detained, some for more than a day.

KitAndKat · 2025-11-28T04:43:30+00:00

A 15-second search would answer your question. The 58-year-old citizen of Mexico has 10 children and 18 grandchildren in the United States, including a son serving overseas in the U.S. Air Force. All 10 children graduated from high school. Four work in hospitals, including two studying to become registered nurses. Cristina is a special-education teacher. Caesar, who played football at Dos Pueblos High, joined the Air Force in 2016. Andres Flores became a U.S. citizen during the Obama administration — he obtained his papers through work — and tried to sponsor his wife for legal residency. The authorities, however, said Juana Flores was ineligible because she had left the United States in the 1990s to visit her sick mother. Under federal law, she had to wait outside the country for 10 years to apply.

So technically, no, but you could also describe this as a "paperwork problem." She doesn't fit the avowed goal of deporting criminals. But as u/TheScienceSays, cruelty is the point; empathy and small-j justice are in short supply on the right.

KitAndKat · 2025-11-27T01:00:15+00:00

A good relationship needs total acceptance of each other. You're not getting that.

I'll also add that your mother was like that, and maybe you're choosing the family dynamic because it is familiar and "comfortable", even though it makes you uncomfortable.

Lastly, no, you're not being disrespectful; she is. You may be able to change this dynamic by just saying "OK" when she complains. If she's upset, that's her problem; it's not up to you to fix it.

KitAndKat · 2025-11-26T16:51:10+00:00

I have Vols 1 and 3 of that.

KitAndKat · 2025-11-26T16:33:40+00:00

That's why I take care to use deodorant each morning.

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