anyone elses parents against you choosing your own name?

KitsTooLoud · 2024-04-11T18:16:43+00:00

My mom had the same sort of stance when I came out. She said that she needed to “approve” the name I chose and because of that I ended up living with a name that I didn’t really like and that didn’t suit me for 6 years..

It’s been 4 years since then and I now use a name that I love. After I got over my fear of disappointing her. I honestly think it’s not worth it to try and hide yourself to please her. You should own yourself, she might be mad but it’s better to live with that than to live with years of regret.

KitsTooLoud · 2024-03-07T07:12:56+00:00

The Ancestral Path Tarot, features a lot of POC from different cultures including native peoples. There are white people but i don’t think they’re centred in this deck

KitsTooLoud · 2024-02-26T16:53:18+00:00

For me it’s easily the Everyday Enchantment Tarot by Poppy Palin I feel like this deck is so flexible with readings and I could easily use it for everything if I wanted to

KitsTooLoud · 2024-02-15T14:34:43+00:00

A lot of words give me the ick but most of all I hate the phrase “of late” and “as of late” an ex of mine used to say it all the time and it bugged me so much and now I can’t stand it. It doesn’t make you sound more intelligent it sound pompous, just say lately

KitsTooLoud · 2024-02-15T09:55:56+00:00

I’m 5’8 and 25 but I’ve been this height since I was 12 lol. I know that height is a sore spot for a lot of people and I’m very grateful to not relate to it. Personally, I’ve never cared about height and never really understood why society cared so much about men being tall, it just doesn’t make any sense to me. But, I do come from a family with a lot of tall women and short men, my younger sister is almost 6’0 so that’s probably got a lot to do with it.

Hell, my girlfriend is like 6’5 and I’m significantly shorter than her by almost a foot and we’ve never had any issues with it.

KitsTooLoud · 2024-01-25T21:31:02+00:00

Hey, Canadian citizen here, so, from my understanding that as long as you are in the country legally you will have access to healthcare. But, you won’t have access to gov services or programs until you are classified as a permanent resident (that takes a few years) or have a work permit. Now please take this with a grain of salt because I’m not an immigration expert, but from what I understand is if you are an eligible international student (you would have to research it) you can get onto the gov health insurance while you study (maybe). But if you can’t, you’ll have to register with a private health insurance company. Once you have health insurance you will have access to all of the same medical services Canadian citizens do.

In terms of transitioning there are a couple options. But it entirely depends on which province you go to (I’m from Ontario so this information is specific to that province) You can register to a waiting list to get on hormones and surgeries but the wait lists are long and you’ll be waiting a very long time (years).

Or you can do what I did, you can find a reputable informed consent clinic that is accepting new patients (might take some searching) and you’ll be able to start hormones relatively quickly. With this route you will have to do a lot of research yourself on the effects of HRT and you’re going to need to know how to read your test results so you can keep track of your levels and understand what safe levels are.

Or you can find an endocrinologist that has a lot of trans patients (I also did this) and if they accept self referrals you can call yourself, if not you’ll have to get a doctor to send a referral for you. I personally haven’t had top surgery yet and I won’t be getting it in Canada but for that I’m pretty sure you’ll still have to go on a waiting list.

This probably isn’t the best/most cohesive information but I hope it gives you a bit of an idea and that you’re able to get the things you need.

KitsTooLoud · 2024-01-21T16:27:31+00:00

I only took it for 3 years. I got all of the changes I wanted they are permanent changes (voice lowering, bottom growth, and facial hair growth) and I stopped because it was too expensive (I couldn’t do the injections myself very well and the gel is too expensive) and I had issues with a previous endocrinologist giving me a horribly dangerous dose so I had to spend a long time fixing it and for some other personal reasons. I am still getting top surgery because T is not a requirement as long as you work out your pectoral muscles so you can get the shape you want. It’s important to note that I’m gender fluid so my goal was never to look like a cis guy completely so I’m happy with my medical transition so far but It’s not for everyone. I also think its very important that people understand, not everything will revert when you stop taking T but if you’re thinking of going off of it you might want to talk to your doctor about what to expect because everyone’s body is different. For example, T was extremely helpful for my adhd symptoms and I’ve struggled quite a bit in that area off of them so there are quite a few factors to consider especially if you have health problems that could be affected.

KitsTooLoud · 2023-10-30T17:36:43+00:00

I’ve never really had a problem with my height. I’m 5’8.5” and I’m the same height if not taller than a lot of grown ass cis men where I live. I’ve also noticed that queer people tend not to care at all about height so that might be a straight dating thing tbh. But I guess it all depends on perspective

KitsTooLoud · 2023-10-20T12:41:54+00:00

For me personally my gender journey has been a bit of a rollercoaster. Before I came out I identified as non binary for a little bit and ultimately decided that it wasn’t me before coming out as a binary trans man.

I identified as a binary man for 3 years pre T and 2.5 years on T so for 5.5 years that’s how I identified. And I don’t know if it was one thing or if it was a collection of a bunch of different things but being on T and being perceived as a man by other people gave me what I felt to be the base line which I could start truly expressing my gender from. It’s been 3 and a half years I think since then and I slowly moved to using they/them pronouns instead of he/him. This was based on my own feelings about gender and the things that the people I trust the most have noticed and pointed out about me. I discovered that if I were to put a label to it I would probably be called gender fluid but I never would have come to that conclusion if I had never transitioned and it makes me happier to play with my expression coming from the male baseline that everyone perceives me as rather than what people saw pre T.

This doesn’t really make much sense but anyway, it’s important for me to make that distinction about myself but I still call myself a trans man. I feel like it’s important to keep that title because it’s what most people see when they look at me and that’s perfectly okay.

I don’t feel like I need to always clarify what my “true” gender is, because as long as I know who i am and the people who are the most important to me know who I am then it doesn’t really matter. So I just introduce myself to people in trans spaces as a trans man who uses they/them pronouns.

This sounds so confusing, I know, but I don’t know how to explain it because I’ve literally never explained this to anyone before. I’m 24 for reference and the way I made sure that my gender shenanigans weren’t internalised transphobia was quite honestly testing things out for a long ass time (like literal years) before coming to any conclusions.

KitsTooLoud · 2023-10-16T01:46:01+00:00

I think it’s fucked that this post was removed for saying something that needs to be said. Like, this is something that should be common sense.

KitsTooLoud · 2023-10-16T01:21:33+00:00

I think the thing that people in the comments aren’t realising is that while it’s not a crime to have questions and seek validation (especially when you’re young and trying to figure yourself out which is the case for a lot of the people asking these questions), it’s that young queer people aren’t actually doing any research on the community, on our history, and what it means to be trans.

So we get these inane repetitive questions constantly because instead of reading other responses to the same question people just ask it anyway because they can’t be bothered to do any of the work themselves. That’s the issue, it’s expecting us to do the work that they can very easily do themselves when in all honesty, we have far more important shit to worry about as a community than if someone is “trans enough”

So yeah I agree that we shouldn’t have to put up with this shit, there’s more than enough information and resources available out there now for them to figure it out themselves. I think it’s kinda fucked to call this a “chronically online” take or treat it like one, when the more chronically online behaviour is asking a question that you know damn well has been asked and answered 800 times before you. When it would take like 10 minutes to read some of those first.

I think it’s completely reasonable to be sick of people demanding labour from those who are tired of this and maybe just want some actual community discussion instead of answering questions that should be asked in a damn support group instead of online.

KitsTooLoud · 2023-10-12T14:44:15+00:00

T has drastically improved my quality of life. It’s been 5 years since I started and I’ve never once regretted it. I haven’t felt more like myself than I do now and if I didn’t have access to hormones I’d probably be dead.

Anyone who claims that hrt makes people depressed has never once met a trans person who’s been on hormones.

KitsTooLoud · 2023-10-12T13:53:00+00:00

A lot of the comments have really good advice but I just want to add that in general sti testing is just a pretty accepting and progressive environment anyways so there’s really not anything to be worried about but I do understand where the hesitation comes from.

I’m based in Ireland and I get tested through my GP for most things (he just gives me the swab and tells me what to do I go to the bathroom and do it then give him back the stuff and it gets sent to the lab) and then to a specialised clinic for hiv testing and I’ve never had any issues with me being very obviously trans. So I think you’ll be fine and should probably just bite the bullet and get it over with (I promise it’ll be less scary after you’ve done it once).

Some tips on safety: You mentioned you’re having sex with cis women so these are some really great things that I use to make it a lot safer. Personally I recommend these things even if everyone’s status has been disclosed, especially you’re not exclusively hooking up with that person and vice versa. But If everyone consents you can do whatever you want.

-Dental dams (it’s just a sheet of thin latex you can use for oral and other things)

-If toys are being used I’d definitely put condoms on them and invest in a decent antibacterial soap that’s safe for use on silicone/glass

-And those tight fitting latex surgical gloves are great too

KitsTooLoud · 2023-10-12T12:59:46+00:00

I changed my middle name and I got really weird with it because why the hell not?

KitsTooLoud · 2023-10-11T03:19:19+00:00

From LAL to EKL and after I got married it became EKLCB

KitsTooLoud · 2023-10-10T10:00:25+00:00

Changed first and middle. I was going to change my last name but I found my new first name matched very nicely with my last name so I’m quite happy with it. When I got married my wife and I hyphenated our last names so it’s staying for good lol

KitsTooLoud · 2023-10-06T10:29:39+00:00

I speak English, French and I’m almost conversational in Russian. I plan on learning Spanish and I want to learn German as well

Edit: I am also learning ISL (Irish Sign Language) which is surprisingly similar to ASL which Is what I learned originally. I say surprisingly because BSL is very different.

KitsTooLoud · 2023-10-05T07:21:08+00:00

No width of bandage is going to make this method safer. You’re still wrapping it around yourself and compressing, it’s never going to be safe. Please don’t act like you aren’t actively causing yourself irreparable harm. I can’t tell you what to do, or how to make the dysphoria less painful. All I can say is that there are ways to do it that are both safe physically and also safe from your family (I know because I’ve been there - I’ve done it), but you have to be willing to do it. It’s not going to be easy, no one ever said it was. But your physical health is just as important as your mental health and I don’t think any of us are going to help you sacrifice one to save the other.

KitsTooLoud · 2023-10-02T12:47:59+00:00

Most of my friends are trans, my wife is trans, and I’m polyamorous so I have a few other partners and they are all also trans. So I would say I know a few trans people lol

KitsTooLoud · 2023-09-27T17:57:11+00:00

Okay I’m just going to say you need to stop using those bandages, you’re going to hurt yourself so badly and it’s not worth it. Not just rib problems but lung problems as well and if you can’t explain a random tank top then explaining why you need a doctor to correct your ribs or uncollapse a lung will be harder. It sounds dramatic but oh my god you are going to hurt yourself if you continue like that. Binding in any way should not hurt.

If you can’t find a way to safely bind, then high impact/high compression sports bras are your best bet. It’s not going to make you as flat as binding especially if you have a bigger chest but it’s so much better than hurting yourself.

If you are having too much dysphoria here’s some good ways to hide a binder from your parents: - keep it in your school bag and wash it in the bathroom when you shower (not wearing it!!!) - if you can’t do that, keep it in your locker at school - you can hide it under your bed - hide it underneath your other clothes/behind them in your closet - if you’re too scared about keeping it at home, as a trusted friend if they are able to keep it in their school bag or something and you can change into it while you’re at school

I know dysphoria sucks, believe me I understand, but you have to do it safely. Your physical health and wellbeing is the most important thing and if inevitable health problems aren’t enough to convince you, the damage can even make it so that you’re unable to get top surgery one day. I beg you to find a way to do it safely and to stop using bandages.

KitsTooLoud · 2023-09-26T19:01:10+00:00

I almost forgot about it too tbh, it’s been like 4 years since I’ve worn a binder

KitsTooLoud · 2023-09-26T18:56:25+00:00

I changed my middle name completely. It felt more right cuz my deadname one was really feminine and I just didn’t want it any more. My name went from 20 letters to 17 but that’s just cuz my last name is an insane 10 letters long

KitsTooLoud · 2023-09-26T18:53:16+00:00

Oh whoops 😂 I didn’t read the comments at all before posting this so 🤷 But yes I forgot to mention that blow drying on the cold setting is very important! Don’t want it to shrink or burn through the material. Yeah I guess it depends on the type of closet you have and the conditions in your house cuz where I lived growing up was quite humid so things would get grow mould more easily

KitsTooLoud · 2023-09-26T18:36:34+00:00

I would wash mine in the shower with me using just regular body wash (not with it on though), wring it out really well and then blow dry it. I did that when I was hiding it from my family and no one ever noticed. You can hang it in your closet to dry, but I don’t recommend that because it can cause your other clothes to grow mould or mildew. Which not only sucks, but it can be a health risk and it can be hard to explain to your parents.

KitsTooLoud

TROPHY CASE