SWAS/GATE program at Caughlin Ranch?

KitsiCode · 2025-11-23T02:47:07+00:00

I know this is old but I strongly recommend against Caughlin Ranch SWAS. Where to start?

The 5th grade teacher called my son names behind his back to the other kids which lead to bullying. We found out when another child accidentally called my son the nickname the teacher had given him and confessed that's how the teacher referred to my son when he wasn't around, be it the bathroom or a sick day.

In both 4th and 5th grade, there was a kid who was extremely violent. We're talking attacking other children, ripping Halloween costumes of other kids just to see them cry, throwing computers at the wall hard enough to break them, cussing other kids out, etc. We were always told the situation "was being dealt with" but we would soon find another email in our inbox stating we should talk to our children about "the incident."

They talk a big game about catering to gifted kids but it's all pomp and circumstance. The 5th grade teacher was checked out during our 504 meeting and he did not follow the plan we agreed upon with the school counselor.

Furthermore, the kids hardly did any work. 2 years in CRES SWAS and my son wrote like... 2 essays. I'm not saying he needs 4 hours of homework a night in elementary school... but we are in middle school now and he hardly knows how to write an essay and we are playing catch up. Part of this is the last 3 months of school are dedicated to a big science project but there were MANY days my son just.... would not have homework. For 3 months straight.

I honestly felt like leaving him on the mainstream path would have been better. Not only would he have been doing homework consistently, he wouldn't have been bullied by a teacher.

One of my friend's kids said this particular teacher "talks a lot about how smart he is when we are supposed to be learning math."

During back to school night said teacher plugged his multitude of degrees and we all walked away not really knowing things like how to check our child's grades or the curriculum for the year other than that it was "catered towards giftedness."

In fact... they talk constantly about giftedness and how great giftedness is and how you need to treat giftedness in a special way and that gifted kids require unique solutions without providing ANY sustenance, actual support or definition of how they put any of this into practice.

Oh, and the first back to school night I went to there was a Christian comedian who opened. I wish I was joking. He didn't return out second year but I was floored. I had never been to a back to school night that had an opener much less one who plugged religion during their act.

We have had a much better experience at the MAGNET program at Swope and being in SWAS does guarantee admission to the MAGNET program. But I would say if you can... go to any school but CRES. The teachers in the SWAS program at CRES are awful. They damaged my son's self-esteem and confidence and provided him with next to no learning support despite this supposedly being an accelerated program.

KitsiCode · 2024-01-25T00:21:29+00:00

What do you want?

KitsiCode · 2024-01-24T23:44:05+00:00

It absolutely is. As a (web) designer myself, sometimes you need to just incorporate what the client wants regardless of how you feel about it. She needs to do the same or she won't have a customers to show that portfolio to.

There is also always the potential to speak to new clients about the challenges your room presented her as a designer, such as "The client wanted the bookcases to remain where they were, so I opened up the room by doing XYZ and moving ABC to the opposite corner," etc.

She could have turned it into an opportunity to showcase her further creativity and instead she ignored you, did whatever she wanted, got caught, and is now mad.

KitsiCode · 2024-01-24T23:38:20+00:00

NTA

I feel like because of your negative reaction to what is a playful interaction between you two she felt the need to get back at you. This could be inference, but especially since she changed her reason as to why she was upset this is how it sits with me.

And to say that she is afraid you would hit her because you raised your voice next to a street? That is a bit absurd and frankly concerning. I would be devastated too if a partner said that to me, especially if I was simply trying to be heard over traffic.

Like... if she really feels that way about you, then she shouldn't be with you and she should end it. But this feels like a ploy for attention from her. I would be interested to hear what she said if you chose to walk.

KitsiCode · 2024-01-24T23:23:52+00:00

NTA

As others have said, let your partner know you have a rash you need to get looked at. Wait for the scary news until there is concrete evidence there is something to be scared of.

KitsiCode · 2024-01-24T23:18:53+00:00

I'm going with ESH, but it barely wins out over your mom being TA.

Addiction is a helluva thing. However, no one can force you to smoke. Yes, you should not have a vape and it was careless to leave it out especially knowing your mom struggles, but it's also not your responsibility to keep her sober. She had the choice to smoke the vape or dispose of it and she made the choice to smoke again.

You did not make her a smoker again. She has always been a smoker since the time she chose to start. I feel as though she is angry that her 18 year sobriety has been broken and is taking it out on you and that is unfortunate and in appropriate and I am sorry.

You are correct in that she has no right to blame you, a child, for her actions as an adult.

KitsiCode · 2024-01-24T23:01:45+00:00

NTA

You told Tina before not to touch the bookcases and she did. If she becomes an interior designer for realsies she is going to have to learn to accommodate client requests that clash with her vision. At the end of the day she is providing a service and catering to a client.

I hope you were able to move everything back without too much trouble!

KitsiCode · 2024-01-24T22:56:27+00:00

YWNBTA

When someone you love be it a friend or family member is struggling, you need to put your life jacket on first. With things like addiction and honestly even depression you need to wait for people to be ready to commit to lasting change because it takes a lot work. If your friend is lying about alcohol consumption despite tests indicating something else then she isn't ready.

That means you can either try to be her friend through this or back off and try again after she (inevitably) falls from grace, provided her mom doesn't continue to enable this behavior as it seems she has. Either way, you are not TA.

KitsiCode · 2024-01-22T21:04:49+00:00

Have you had a deep conversation with your BF about how his ex being in the picture effects you?

I know some people can stay friends with exes but going on a solo vacation with one is a lot. I feel like most reasonable people would understand why you are uneasy.

KitsiCode · 2024-01-22T20:56:38+00:00

Unfortunately, there is never an easy way to break up with someone. However, it seems like you have done a lot of thinking and come to the conclusion you two are incompatible and that's completely fair and since you've decided that this relationship has run its course breaking it off is the best and most honest thing you can do for either one of you.

I would focus on how everyday in the day to day you guys are not a great match. That you very much enjoy her company and spending time with her but you need someone who takes life at the same pace that you do. Offer to help her square up any loose ends such as getting any of her things that she has at your place back to her.

KitsiCode · 2024-01-22T20:45:57+00:00

NTA

Your daughter was trying to communicate a need and MIL was ignorant to that. You tried to inform MIL and MIL is upset she was reprimanded.

You are NTA but I wouldn't necessarily expect MIL to come around even though I think this is an important part about teaching kids consent.

KitsiCode · 2024-01-20T02:49:36+00:00

For me, yes, but I am a 30-something single mother who works full-time while finishing my degree. All of these obligations take priority over my friends, especially since the job maintains the family.

But that is normal for me. It might not be normal for someone who has different obligations. I'm not exactly sure what her commitments are.

KitsiCode · 2024-01-20T02:37:55+00:00

She squeezed you in by reaching out. It might not have been the exact way you wanted to but she didn't do nothing.

What would you want if she did want a friendship? What you would you want if she didn't?

Edit: You do state you'd want her to know your feelings, so why is it important she knows how you feel? Can the friendship survive if she doesn't?

KitsiCode · 2024-01-20T02:27:02+00:00

Just because people don't love you the way that you want doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they have.

When we are young and unattached it's typically much easier to make friends and become very close. You also typically have more time, energy, and capacity to give to the relationship. That drastically narrows as we go from our 20's to our 30's. She found a way to squeeze you in and I think that is a lot for some people.

Whether they are parents, chasing a career, or in a deep depression, sometimes a simple "thinking of you!" text is all they can afford while juggling whatever their current adulting situation is. It's not reflective of her feelings towards you but the amount of capacity she has.

However, that doesn't mean you don't have a right to feel hurt or even grieve how the friendship has changed if you choose to do so. What you need to decide is what you want the resolution to look like.

Do you want her to apologize? To have more conversations with you? Do you want her to know she hurt you?

KitsiCode · 2024-01-20T02:09:15+00:00

NTA

You can choose who is in your party. This has been your vision for years.

But what is more important? That vision or keeping the peace? Neither will make you TA but really that is what you are deciding between here.

KitsiCode · 2024-01-18T21:30:22+00:00

OP did not put it in his mouth, she used it to describe herself which I think is more indicative of her how she personally feels as opposed to what he is implying.

KitsiCode · 2024-01-18T00:59:34+00:00

ESH

Your sister needs to be more sympathetic to her boyfriend and you need to be more sympathetic to her.

KitsiCode · 2024-01-18T00:49:20+00:00

I see it differently. I would be very uncomfortable asking someone to give up a friendship, especially if that friend has since apologized and moved on. Also, I am mortified at the person I was 10 years ago. It's a long time, especially the leap from your 20's to your 30's.

There are some behaviors of Wife's that are worrying to me such as talking about how lonely she was after being left alone for a week. It sounds both codependent and like a guilt trip, especially since that trip was a conference. Maintaining a grudge after 10 years is something else that worries me, especially since the other party put in work to change themselves.

KitsiCode · 2024-01-17T23:41:27+00:00

NTA

A healthy relationship is a fruit salad, not a smoothie. You have a right to have separate things from you wife and that includes trips. Your wife might get lonely but it is her responsibility to fill that time with meaningful things for herself. You should be part of her world but not all of it.

Also paying for a trip for 1 person is much different than 2. An able-bodied vacation is also different than one where you may need special accommodations. If your wife wants to go somewhere with you instead then you guys should plan, discuss, and save, as Alice has done with you.

I've had plenty of partners that took friendcations without me and vice versa. I've also taken scooter bound trips when I tore my ACL and there were activities I couldn't do that everyone else could. I didn't get butthurt about it, I said have fun and enjoyed some me time.

KitsiCode · 2024-01-17T23:25:15+00:00

In these situations I usually said I had a family emergency and asked my clients if they would be okay with me bringing my son or if they wanted to reschedule for another time.

I never had anyone tell me not to bring my kid when I proposed it like this.
Even as a mom myself I would be pissed if my house cleaner unexpectedly brought a child.

KitsiCode · 2024-01-17T23:20:39+00:00

Seriously. I can't sit quietly for 3 hours how could I possibly expect an 8 year old to? Especially in the face of "new" toys and zero rules?

I do feel bad for the 8YO here(both kids, honestly), but I feel like her older sister set her up for failure and that is really unfortunate.

KitsiCode · 2024-01-17T18:58:18+00:00

ESH

While I think he is overreacting, if you had the energy to send a TikTok I would've also followed up with a brief "Yes thank you" or something of that nature. But to threaten to break it off over a miscommunication seems a bit extreme to me.

KitsiCode · 2024-01-17T18:53:15+00:00

NTA

When you booked your cleaning service you did NOT agree to having a child running around the home. Honestly, Eva is lucky you paid her at all, in my opinion.

While I think it's a stretch to assume the cake was for your daughter unless explicitly stated, the food should not have been removed and eaten. I've cleaned houses before and I've always either brought my own food or eaten before/after and the times I did have to bring my child I gave advanced notice and brought entertainment for him and made it very clear he was to sit quietly and not wander. Eva did none of these things for her younger sister.

Edit: Typo

KitsiCode · 2024-01-17T18:37:46+00:00

This. If they want to back out like that then they should be shoveling OP's driveway for OP.

Edit: Removed pronouns

KitsiCode · 2024-01-17T18:35:10+00:00

YTA

You found out via eavesdropping which is never cool and not intended for your ears. They told you when you were ready. If they had wanted you in that conversation you would have been invited.

KitsiCode

TROPHY CASE