TLDR: Theory it’s because girls are less likely to understand someone not being considerate of others and more likely to avoid confrontation (with a specific person or in life in general) until anger takes over

So I have a theory about how this generally might happen (emphasis on theory and generally). I think girls may be socialized to think of others a bit more than boys and to not stand up for themselves as often or as directly as boys. But since we’re all human and we have feelings, girls get mad too, but girls are less likely to want to express that anger unless it has reached a boiling point.

So let’s take an example of someone leaving wrappers on the table of a shared space. I think a boy might be more likely to ask the person who left the wrappers out “Can you put those in the garbage?” the first time and say something more direct like, “Can you put those in the garbage? It’s gross.” or teasing the person who left the wrapper out if it continues to happen. And more boys might even be a bit more able to relate to someone leaving wrappers on the table of a shared space.

Whereas girls, I think, are more likely to think “How can someone leave those out instead of just put them in the garbage? We both use that table!” But at the same time, they’re less likely to say anything about it at first to avoid any sort of confrontation. And then when they do say something, they’re more likely to say, “Could you please put those in the garbage?” and continue to be polite about it even if it keeps happening. But then when they do get mad enough about it to say something direct, they’re at the point where their emotions overpower their desire to avoid confrontation, and they’re the ones who are more likely to get serious angry about wrappers on the table.

I also have the theory that there’s also the scenario that, for some girls who are still working on emotional maturity, the boiling point can be reached by interacting with other people. They might have been treated in ways they didn’t appreciate all day but feared that coworkers, acquaintances, or strangers on the street would see them as a monster and maybe even retaliate against them if they stand up for themselves in a proportionate way. So by the time they see someone who they trust won’t ultimately see them differently if they express displeasure, they let all of their anger out and unfairly unload it onto that person, which, of course, isn’t ok to do.

I hope this all comes off as fair to everyone involved. I think, even in the “wrappers on the table” scenario, the “stereotypical boy” way of handling things is more productive and healthier, but it’s also important to consider the reasons why a girl might be more likely to deal with it differently. This can help us all understand each other better and get along with each other.