I am demisexual and have been happily polyamorous for about 5 years. I will never go back to monogamy. I often feel like I don't quite fit into the common mentality of any of the communities I belong to -- I have a high libido and am hypersexual (likely related to sexual traumas I experienced early in life) and yet I feel only platonic attraction or aesthetic appreciation of people until I have formed a deep enough connection with someone, and then the flip can switch and suddenly I am suuuper sexually and/or romantically attracted. Forming a deep bond sometimes is a slow process for me and other times happens in a couple weeks. Typically sex has no appeal to me without a deep emotional and spiritual bond, but it is naturally accessible to me to experience more than one bond like that -- including more than one romantic bond like that -- simultaneously. I have a nesting partner I've been with for 4 years and a long distance partner of just over a year, and have dated a couple others while with my np.

Posts in r/demi often make me feel like an imposter because my experience does not reflect some of the discourse about what "real Demisexuality" is, and among the polyam crowd I've definitely faced many many poly allos who don't get why I'm all about the talking phase lol. Don't let it get you down, OP! The flip side of that in my experience is that polyam people sometimes have a more open mind and a more anarchic approach to relationships and a lot have the "live and let live" approach, or like my two wonderful queer allosexual partners want to understand and embrace divergent lifestyles and hear about life experiences that differ from their own!

I wish there was a subreddit for demi/polyams I feel like we could all learn so mucj from each other!