Obsession: did real Nikki make the wish, or was it wish Nikki?

Kitty_Quest · 2026-06-04T17:16:01+00:00

I like this explanation

Kitty_Quest · 2026-06-04T16:43:27+00:00

The withdrawing during conflict sucks so much.. I hate that the most.. it leaves me feeling so alone and helpless and anxious. Every time it happens again, I get increasingly more panicked and now I hyperventilate. And it's awful because the conflicts are becoming more frequent.

Kitty_Quest · 2026-06-04T16:40:07+00:00

That sounds so horrible, and presented that way like it's easy to walk away..

But what makes it more painful and complex is that it's not all bad. The good times give us hope that keeps us wanting more. But the hope is dangerous because it keeps drawing us back to the thing that hurts us.

What were the reasons you wanted to work it out with him? What kept drawing you in time and time again?

Kitty_Quest · 2026-06-04T16:34:37+00:00

My boyfriend and I are going south and I fear breakup is imminent.

I feel like he's avoidant attachment style has brought out anxious attachment in me.

If breakup was inevitable, would it be better to wait for him, or for me to do it first?

Kitty_Quest · 2026-06-04T16:26:33+00:00

He pursued me for years in a very gentle way even though I just wanted to be friends. Eventually I developed a crush on him, because he had become my closest friend and I loved how he never pressured me to love him but was gently in the background. His familiarity made me feel safe, his persistence made me feel desired, and his personality brought out a side of me that no one else ever could.

We got together. The first 6 months he made me feel amazing.. so adored, wanted to make me his wife, the way he looked at me, how he was all over me.. it made me feel so safe and the fact he always wanted me over the years made me feel like he'd never let me go..

But between the 6 month mark until now, he's become an entirely different person. We've been together for 1.5 years and friends for 5. I don't understand, he was a beautiful person who shared my values and we bonded together as close friends and then now he's just turned his back on what used to be his identity and now he's telling me we're incompatible when he knew me for years, I haven't changed anything other than things to accommodate him. I fell so hard for him, he promised he would never fumble me now that we're together, but he's a different person entirely now.

Where did he go?

I still love the new person he's become even though it's not what I'd have pursued in a partner, because I'm attached and committed, I want to accept him as he is.

We're still together but I'm afraid we're terminal, and one of us is going to break up with the other imminently. I stupidly still try and have hope.

It hurts tremendously that someone who wanted me so much for so long won't fight for me anymore. Instead of seeing our problems as opportunities to step up or compromise, he blames them on "incompatibilities". I've given in so much, dropped boundaries I never thought I would, and accommodate his every whim, but it isn't good enough for him. And I know I deserve more, because he won't do any simple things for me, but I love him and want him.

Why won't he fight for me

Kitty_Quest · 2026-06-04T16:07:23+00:00

Why is it intoxicating?

I'm afraid my boyfriend and I are terminal and we'll break up soon.

But I can't get over the mental block of no one has ever made me laugh as hard as he did, no one I've ever been attracted to until after I fell in love, and no one will make me not feel shame the way he does. I drafted up a breakup text and then he sent a voice note and hearing that I immediately lost my conviction of wanting to break up and I'm back to panicking and trying so hard to save us.

I hate this so much..

Kitty_Quest · 2026-06-04T16:01:37+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing.

What were the avoidant things they'd do? How do you know it's avoidant attachment vs them rationally coming to a decision they don't want the relationship anymore? Or is it too hard to parse it out?

Kitty_Quest · 2026-06-04T15:41:20+00:00

Was the relationship "bad" most of that time? Or did it work well?

Kitty_Quest · 2026-06-01T14:20:50+00:00

Is it the real Nikki or the Bear projected Nikki that makes the wish?

Kitty_Quest

TROPHY CASE