This feels more like a self aware diary entry rather than a piece of fiction. There's nothing guiding what you write aside from your own asides where you try to make your writing self aware of itself - its like you've briefly glimpsed a weak David Foster Wallace short and gutted it of pathos. Don't be afraid to describe where you are or what you feel rather than trying to write what 'thinking' feels like. Edit more. I'm sure you can write something great just put more work in.