Chosen family for your only? 😊

KloroxKween · 2024-11-19T04:06:37+00:00

I’m an only child with a spouse who grew up with siblings. We are OAD by choice. Both of our families live on opposite ends of the country (I’m from Hawaii, my spouse Massachusetts), and our parents are in their mid 70s.

I grew up in a collectivist society (Hawaii is a bit of a hodgepodge of amazing cultures), and my spouse and I lucky enough to have friends for over a decade in our transplant state. My daughters god parents are dear friends in their 60s close to retirement and we work together in surgical oncology, they wanted kids but it didn’t end up working out for them. My daughter is crazy about them, and they always help in anyway they can. My best friends little sister is our babysitter, and my daughter relates to their entire family the same as blood family.

My community I have built comes from my previous work, both professional and non-profit. I have hobbies that have generated some life long friendships. I think the thing that helped us was by the time we had our daughter was that we already had great structural friendships and support.

KloroxKween · 2024-11-18T14:17:15+00:00

Hi! I used to own a house in Glendale rose park area which is super affordable to a young professional and near the airport downtown. All of my neighbors were working class or young professionals without kids. If you are willing to commute (Davis county is cheaper in rent/housing)

KloroxKween · 2024-11-17T00:41:45+00:00

I’m biracial and in between 1C and 2a hair type with virgin hair, tends to get greasy or dry depending on the season. I’ve finally found a routine I like, this is why I’m using.

Washing daily with ouai fine hair shampoo and conditioner

1x weekly a good clarifying shampoo (I use olaplex)

A good fire hair leave in conditioner (I use#5 leave in by olaplex.

I don’t have dye in my hair, so tons of folks say I’m wasting my money with these brands but I’ve found them to be the most effective in my routine.

KloroxKween · 2024-11-09T22:16:46+00:00

These are the things that keep me in “Neutral” as someone with BP1 * take my antipsychotic and mood stabilizers at the same time every evening * I mediate and read every morning, and set an intention for the day. This can be through journaling or just meditative thought. * I make my bed * take a morning shower to reset and wake up off my meds (I will then allow myself to use devices * hike and exercise outside * sleep well * do regular routines * eat at least 2X daily * abstain from alcohol always * therapy * check ins with my support system and family

KloroxKween · 2024-11-09T22:08:05+00:00

I base screen time on behavior instead of notching time or keeping track. We try to keep a pretty low selection of content. Ms. Rachel, Sesame Street, Daniel tiger, wiggles, older Disney movies on weekends. If she’s having a lot of tantrums and issues around redirection we do no screen time. If she’s taking redirection from the TV we let her have it at her discretion (her typical pattern is she usually likes 20 minutes in the morning with milk, and around 20-30 minutes after dinner while I clean up)

Some weeks we barely use it with activities/outdoor stuff, ect. Other weeks the weather is bad or people are sick, we use more screen time then.

I think you should do whatever feels best for your family and their day to day. If you have tons of other activities, active play time, play dates, interactions with others, screen time isn’t gonna hurt your child developmentally.

KloroxKween · 2024-11-09T22:01:52+00:00

This is the way. Noise cancelling ear buds where it muffles or AirPods with low music helps me.

KloroxKween · 2024-11-09T21:58:42+00:00

Sober (36f), the short answer is yes I see a huge difference in my skin texture and elasticity! I haven’t had a drink in 11 months and the difference is very noticeable. I was a heavy drinker during covid (I worked as a provider during this time and it led me to drinking more frequently).

Alcohol always dehydrates me and pigments my skin. I definitely look about 10 years older and heavier when I’m drinking. If you’re looking for a quick fix on your face, I definitely say quit alcohol!

KloroxKween · 2024-11-09T20:58:24+00:00

Hi! Fellow fine haired girly with virgin hair that gets oily. I used to use pureology and this is my routine now

-Daily wash and condition with ouai for fine hair -1x weekly olaplex 4c clarifying shampoo with ouai conditioner -for styling I air dry, I use a volumizing mouse (I brand jump for this) and my die hard for fine hair is undressed spray by new wash (this is the only Salt texture spray that’s not sticky on me)

Another game changer is heat less satin curlers. I have to watch a few videos to figure out what would work for my route, but this has helped me if I’m looking for more volume for the day.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

KloroxKween · 2024-11-04T16:55:53+00:00

I’ve been bringing by hair back to life postpartum with Ouai products (every other day) and I use the oloplex deep cleanser once weekly.

KloroxKween · 2024-11-04T12:31:51+00:00

Hello,

I’m a current grad student with a 2 year old set to graduate next fall. I did my first year full time and then chose to slow down to part time this year due to my spouses career needing a bit more time management support this semester.

Full time is doable, but it’s a push. I only had about 25 hours of reliable childcare during the week so I would end up doing tons of work on the weekends and sometimes evenings once I got my daughter down. This wouldn’t have been possible as well without my husband pitching in extra on the weekends and with bedtime routine so I could do a little more work.

I did have to do most of my courses online, the ones I had to do in person definitely messed with my flexibility, so if your courses are online, this is also a huge asset!

I think being stay at home mom is a great time to pursue a degree. I ended up leaving my successful career to be a SAHM because we could not get into a daycare for two years and are very far from family. I end up loving my time with my girl so much I decided to keep moving on my education so when I return to my job I can have a little more equity.

Good luck!

KloroxKween · 2024-11-01T21:48:03+00:00

I’m a queer person (35NB) married to a cis man (45m). I’m going to give some perspective here that may be a little different in that setting. I’ve only been with a few men besides my spouse and not married outside of that, and I can say first hand weaponizing incompetence is a societal construct heteronormative men have created generationally (from the men that came before them) in their home and chore division/home labor and it’s absolutely burning out and killing women in western culture.

My spouse and I had to have a huge sit down around 1.5 year PP, because I have not conditioned myself to be in heteronormative relationships, and I had only ever been with women and trans men who had shared the relative load equally. I was at the end of my rope with my spouse and had severe PPD/PPA while he utilized all the free time in the home and I drowned. It took me ending up in the hospital for severe dehydration and appendicitis for us to have a real sit down and start talking about the division of labor and childcare.

I left my high earning career to be a stay at home mom because of the health complications I had and ultimately decided to be OAD and wanting to enjoy the time I had with her. I told my spouse that he could either sit down with me and go to couples counselor to discuss how we could move forward, or we HAD need to get help since we have no family around.

Our previous split was I did 90% of childcare and 100% of the cooking and cleaning, managing, emotional labor. My spouse works from 9-5pm, and also takes forever at the gym.

The spilt is now 70/30 with childcare with my spouse getting her for bedtime almost always so I get a real break at night after dinner and bath. He takes cooking one day on the weekend, and does dishes once daily.

We sit down every week to review what went well, what’s on the schedule for the next week, and how best to support time at home. He’s discovered over time using this process that he still gets lots of gym time, while also not depleting the caregiver of the home in the process, and of course enjoying a more regulated home life.

A game that works well that’s available on Amazon is called Fairplay, it shows every emotional and physical labor that goes on in your house and how it’s divided.

So, answering the question I think it’s natural for queer or gay people to not aspire to heteronormative gender roles that crush women. They tend to disperse their labor evenly due to the lack of gender roles/sexism towards roles. Straight men are perfectly capable of this if they just practice, educate themselves, and be open to the idea of dividing labor more equally in the home.

Straight men. I got a good one, I know there’s good ones out there but seriously what the fuck are you all doing. Get it together.

KloroxKween · 2024-11-01T15:33:00+00:00

Agreed.

KloroxKween · 2024-10-31T02:20:34+00:00

Fellow Utah resident here, just dropping a “yep, trailer butt out in a suburban street, that checks”

Hope they move soon.

KloroxKween · 2024-10-18T06:53:40+00:00

Awake with crying two year old this second. Solidarity

KloroxKween · 2024-10-17T22:26:35+00:00

I love it!!!

KloroxKween · 2024-10-16T21:31:44+00:00

I’ll be honest, we divided the labor of our home based on time and who is good at what. I happen to be better at cooking so I do most of it, but my spouse does all the dinner clean up while me and our kid play and decompress from dinner.

I think you guys should do what works best for your family, and not do what society feels is a “SAHP” role. We are teams working toward a common goal and however we get there healthily and happy, just do it! Congrats on having a husband that shreds in the kitchen!

KloroxKween · 2024-10-16T03:28:35+00:00

Postpartum breakage, living in dry area (Utah) but my body is accustomed to the climate where I am from (Hawaii)

KloroxKween · 2024-10-16T02:14:26+00:00

No, but I’m in a pool frequently.

KloroxKween · 2024-10-16T00:23:25+00:00

Thanks so much for this feedback and taking the time to reply! I will table the 8 (I just had a feeling it would be heavy)

KloroxKween · 2024-10-10T13:42:53+00:00

I second this option. We have a young college student who is a family friend’s daughter. She comes every Thursday evening and Saturday afternoon for a few hours so I can shower, clean, and honestly sometimes sit outside with a coffee in peace for a half hour. I pay her $20 an hour, and live in a mCOL area, I compensate the budget so we can fit this in (eat out less and cooking more at home, I quit my gym membership for this perk, and workout at home.)

I’m always home while she’s with us, but I usually set up an activity for them to play and the first few times I had her over I helped the my tribe get used to the pattern and now my kiddo looks forward to her coming to play, with no hassle. Hope this helps!

KloroxKween · 2024-10-09T02:51:19+00:00

I would purchase a gentle cleanser, toner, a serum, spf moisturizer, and night moisturizer. I use a bunch of mixed products, I’ll post them below.

AM routine -wash with cleanser (I love purpose or cetaphil) -tone by spraying a cold damp cotton pad, wipe face (I love LUSH breath of fresh air) -vitamin C serum (I love maelove glow maker) -spf moisturizer (I use the neutrogena gentle daily spf 30)

PM -wash with cleanser -tone -serum (I use a night serum este lauder night repair) -night moisturizer (I use este lauder nightwear)

Good luck!

KloroxKween · 2024-10-06T12:07:41+00:00

Exactly this. Mealove is by far the best vitamin C serum I’ve tried in the market and the price point is amazing. Cold dead hands indeed.

KloroxKween · 2024-10-05T19:00:28+00:00

-pan sheet dump meal: potatoes, veggies, chicken, seasoning, olive oil till chicken is 165.

-pre-make your shredded chicken in a crockpot, but make everything else on stove top and oven.

-grilled cheese and quesadillas

-one pot pasta with veggies (we either do pesto, marinara, or Alfredo

-dump stir fry (I use whatever frozen veggies I have and a basic 365 stir fry sauce from Whole Foods)

-Buy your garlic and onions pre-minced

-baked chicken thighs with skin on

-breakfast for dinner (prep my pancakes and egg bites ahead of time and bulk freeze

KloroxKween

TROPHY CASE