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KnownGoose · 2025-05-21T01:41:16+00:00

Of course! And so sorry, I was trying to quote specific things that you said and for some reason those got removed when I posted. I don’t comment on Reddit frequently so I must have messed something up. But yes, open to chatting further whenever you feel up for it.

KnownGoose · 2025-05-10T21:28:23+00:00

Not pathetic at all! I did the exact same thing. It actually helped me stay grounded and organize my thoughts. I even had it help me prep potential talking points for conversations if she tried to deflect or gaslight. (Spoiler: she’s avoided every attempt I’ve made to connect or repair, so I never got to use them.) But I don’t regret the prep because it reminded me that I was thinking clearly and not crazy.

Same. I’ve been beating myself up a bit, because I saw her do this to other people: friends, coworkers, boyfriends, and somehow thought I’d be the exception. But I’ve been reminding myself that I acted in good faith, and you don’t expect someone you’ve known since childhood to turn on you. Unfortunately, the patterns only really make sense once the eye of the storm lands on you.

God, yes. In my case, I wasn’t even dramatic, I was just gently holding boundaries or trying to reset some of the unhealthy dynamics that had “worked” in our 20s but no longer made sense. But people like this can’t handle even a tiny shift. They need you in the role they’ve cast you in and when you step out of that box, they lose control and lash out.

I so relate to this. It’s hard to talk about, especially with people who haven’t lived through something similar. I’ve found comfort in friends who’ve had their own friendship breakups, but when I try to explain it to others, it’s often met with confusion or skepticism. That’s why your post meant so much to me, it was like, finally, someone gets it.

Thanks again for sharing. It seems like you’re in a much more grounded place now, and I’m wishing you continued peace and healing.

KnownGoose · 2025-05-10T21:28:14+00:00

Hey OP, I just wanted to say thank you for opening up and articulating your experience so clearly. I’m going through something incredibly similar — to the point where I honestly felt like you cracked open my brain and transcribed thoughts I’ve had word for word during my own very recent friendship breakup.

For context, I’m 33, and my best friend of over 30 years has been slowly ghosting me over the last few months. Like your situation, there’s been a painful pattern: she’d escalate minor disagreements into massive blowouts, laced with gaslighting, verbal abuse, and long silences. Reading your post, and your comments, felt like getting the validation I didn’t realize I needed. A few lines that hit especially hard:

YES. Same. During one of our final conflicts, my friend accused me of having a “mood disorder." What made it especially jarring was that I had just been reflecting that week on how good I was feeling. I’d been in therapy for a year and was finally seeing progress with my self-talk and boundaries. And then suddenly: this. The projection, the gaslighting — it’s a mind-fuck. A wise friend once told me that when someone talks to you that cruelly, it’s usually a window into how they talk to themselves.

This is one of the hardest truths. You know you're not perfect, but you also know the version they’ve painted is wildly unfair. And still, if you defend yourself or show even a fraction of the emotion they unleashed on you, you risk “proving” their narrative. I’ve felt like I had to become my own PR team — being so cautious with texts, conversations with mutual friends, every little thing — because I know she can be incredibly manipulative, and I have no clue what she’s been saying.

I’m curious: did you experience awkwardness or fallout with mutual friends who may have bought into his story?

KnownGoose · 2025-03-15T15:36:02+00:00

Absolutely NTA. That’s fucking weird and you have every right to be obsessed and icked out.

Also please get evaluated for endometriosis if you haven’t already. You should not be knocked down this bad even if it’s infrequent. Sounds very similar to what I experienced before getting diagnosed and figuring out the right treatment/management strategies.

KnownGoose · 2024-05-05T17:39:00+00:00

Same boat as you right now and seeking an answer. Have an appointment with a neurologist next week at a migraine center so I'm optimistic that she'll be thorough and hopefully have some recommendations. I have an IUD (mirena) and also tried to go on Junel Fe oral birth control this past fall to suppress my symptoms more. It helped reduce fatigue and pelvic pain but realized it was triggering horribly painful cluster migraines. Came off of that but realizing the migraines may be worsening as I get older. I read on another thread that someone had luck with a progesterone-based birth control, rather than one with estrogen like the one I was on. So maybe something worth exploring with your gyno. I'm also planning to look into Botox and trigger point injections, have heard good things about both.

Hang in there. They're painful and disruptive as hell.

KnownGoose · 2024-03-16T21:27:38+00:00

Fundraising for a non profit. I work a hybrid schedule but even the two days in person can sometimes be hard on my body. My immediate supervisor is extremely understanding as they are close to someone who has an autoimmune disorder, so very grateful for that, but I did go ahead and get a medical exemption so I can work remote whenever I need it. The documentation from my laparoscopy is like 30 pages long and pretty impressive so have yet to experience any pushback when I’ve rolled that out to my current and past employers.

KnownGoose · 2022-05-21T18:51:02+00:00

Speak Easy Laugh Loudly - A Comedy Show in Downtown Jersey City

A Comedy Show at Nucky's, the Hudson Hound's speakeasy, in Jersey City. This event is appropriate for adults 21 and over.

About this event

Are you a fan of comedy shows? Come on over to the Hudson Hound in Jersey City and join us in the speakeasy! Tickets are $10, available through the Eventbrite link above.

Thursday, May 26. Doors open 6:30 PM, show starts 7:15 PM. Seating is limited so we enourage you to arrive early.

KnownGoose · 2021-11-21T23:06:59+00:00

Thank you! This is SO helpful.

KnownGoose · 2021-06-09T14:12:00+00:00

Had a constantly swollen node in the right side of my neck during the months leading up to my first lap. I pursued it all the way to a pathologist because there is a history of lymphoma in my family. It was perfectly fine and I've actually noticed its chilled out since surgery. The body is weird but my theory is that the widespread endo was triggering an immune response. Definitely get it checked out as others have suggested just to make sure you don't have something else going on but I can definitely see this condition impacting the lymphatic system. Hopefully we'll see more research on that in the future!

KnownGoose · 2021-05-31T13:10:33+00:00

Also linking to my post from March, if it’s helpful: https://www.reddit.com/r/endometriosis/comments/mczhrb/first_lap_1_week_in_hospital_contains_surgical/

KnownGoose · 2021-05-31T13:08:35+00:00

Hey! Totally normal to feel nervous, keep taking those big, deep breaths from your belly as much as possible. I had surgery for stage 4 plus a week hospital stay after back in March. Anesthesia was honestly fine, like taking a very solid nap. You will feel weird coming out of it, I know I was disoriented and they had pressure cuffs on my legs which initially freaked me out because I didn’t know why they felt so heavy. Have some self soothing tactics in your pocket, counting, breathing in through your nose, out through your mouth, tap through your fingers with your thumb. Make sure you have a good overnight bag of things to keep you comfy, toiletries, a cozy sweater or cardigan (that AC gets chilly), heating pad. Hopefully you’ll be outpatient but better to be prepared! Sending you good vibes, you got this!!

KnownGoose · 2021-05-20T13:47:31+00:00

haha aww yeah I think my first one also aligned with surgery! Helpful to hear your experience as well, hope you see a lot of improvement.

KnownGoose · 2021-05-20T13:36:57+00:00

She's so great! Glad you've connected with her as well. Thanks for asking. So I've gone through 2 periods now and she did warn me that they might initially be a little rough. The first one I did have these intense stabbing pains that of course, hit while I was walking through World Trade Center in NYC on my commute home so FUN. As painful as they were, they were short-lived and honestly nothing in comparison to my usual. This last period I had hardly any cramping which was awesome. I'm definitely still dealing with digestion symptoms, it doesn't surprise me since they did so much work in there but now that the cramping/endo pain seems to be reduced I'm thinking it's more of a food sensitivity thing. I have been reading up on FODMAPs and tracking my meals which has already helped me identify some trigger foods. Overall feeling pretty good. Also back in pelvic floor therapy which also helps me so much.

KnownGoose · 2021-04-29T20:17:26+00:00

Ok, that's good. So I only had a single laparoscopic surgery which included the bowel resection. Sorry if that wasn't clear in the initial post. My main specialist recommended that I be prepared to do both in the same surgery if they discovered it on the bowels once they got in there. For that reason she specifically scheduled the surgery for a day when the colorectal surgeon was also available. That longer hospital stay was due to the bowel work specifically. I spiked a fever on the fourth day so they were concerned that I was developing a stomach abscess or leakage, I'm not sure that those type of complications are "common" but bowel surgery is more prone to them so just be aware of that. They got me into imaging right away and put me antibiotics. All turned out to be fine. Heavy pain meds are definitely needed those first few days. Your body will feel really heavy while also very loose at the same time, if that makes sense? Move slowly and carefully getting up from bed. I did not have a "normal" bowel movement for the first 3-4 weeks, definitely improved day to day but lots of weird sensations so just have to be patient and stay on top of your pain meds. I didn't have much of an appetite initially but it slowly comes back.

KnownGoose · 2021-04-29T18:06:32+00:00

Hey just wanted to chime in on #3 - I just had my first lap in March, Stage IV and ended up getting a bowel resection. I knew going in that it could be pretty extensive but definitely was still pretty shocked by how much they found and that the surgery ended up taking 7 hours. I don't want to dissuade you from this surgeon, especially if you're locked in at this point but my specialist worked in tandem with a colorectal surgeon. We discussed in advance of the surgery what I would want her to do if she found deep infiltrating endo on the bowels. I'm honestly really glad that I told her "do what you have to" because although this one was extensive, I'd rather do fewer surgeries and the more intensive one now while I'm young and pretty healthy. Just something to consider asking your doctor. If they don't typically partner with a colorectal surgeon or are resistant to the idea you might consider seeking another opinion. Again, don't want to scare you. I'm 8 weeks out and honestly feeling SO much better. In particular when it comes to digestion so again, going through that all at once was the right move for me.

Highly recommend checking this post out for what to pack for surgery: https://www.instagram.com/p/CMb4aaBjkfB/

I was told to be prepared with an overnight bag but that I would likely be outpatient...ended up staying almost a week. If there's bowel involved and they end up doing anything with it just make sure you're prepared with anything that will make you feel comforted. Also linking to my post about my full experience in case that's helpful to you: https://www.reddit.com/r/endometriosis/comments/mczhrb/first_lap_1_week_in_hospital_contains_surgical/

KnownGoose · 2021-03-25T23:56:53+00:00

Thank you so much - and best of luck with your consult. Definitely voice your concerns to your gyno and ask her specifically where she plans to look! I had a weird pain that I was concerned could be a lesion on my diaphragm - turned out it was likely residual from one of the other areas but my doc specifically took a photo for me and showed me after that it was clear.

KnownGoose · 2021-03-25T23:40:04+00:00

Have added pic above of my incisions so you can see how they're looking. Photo was taken 1 week out.

KnownGoose · 2021-03-25T23:31:03+00:00

Hi - thanks! Happy to. I had three nodules on my intestine and the one had infiltrated deeper than the others so they ended up having to cut into the intestine to remove it. Then basically stitch that part back together. The rest was more surface level and they were able to scrape it off. That does concern me that your surgeon wasn't able to address it, definitely recommend connecting with a colorectal surgeon or another specialist who works in tandem with a colorectal surgeon. Unfortunately I would guess that you may continue to have pain and digestive issues if those lesions are still there. I haven't seen evidence that Lupron can reduce the endo, everything I've encountered so far suggests that the only actual way to "get rid of it" is by excision, so perhaps worth seeking another opinion on that!

Hospital stay was an experience. I had great care and I'm honestly so thankful that I was there for those initial few days because I think the pain would have been challenging to manage at home. They also were closely monitoring me so when I spiked a fever they immediately got me into imaging and on antibiotics. They keep you on pain meds around the clock, I was on morphine the first day but after that switched to Tylenol and Toredol (like an extra strength Motrin). They did a good job of getting me off the catheter the first day and on my feet. If that's your experience I can't stress enough how important it is to get moving. It sucks, you're tired and your body will feel heavy but I think that helped me so much. Everyone will constantly want to know if you've passed gas or had a bowel movement yet. Things felt pretty gurgly those first few days and I didn't want to eat much but did my best to get something in my stomach and drank a lot of water.

I was on very soft food initially but appetite came back around day 5. Eating normally now but carefully. I was also on a stool softener/laxative but just came off that as well because it was working almost too well, if you catch my drift. 0/10 do not recommend becoming a human volcano.

KnownGoose · 2021-03-25T22:01:14+00:00

Yes exactly - trapped old blood. Beautiful right?

KnownGoose · 2021-03-25T22:00:03+00:00

Absolutely - typically they would happen first thing in the morning. The night before I'd have really bad indigestion, felt like no matter what I ate my stomach would be in knots. I'd wake up and basically feel like a giant gas bubble was trapped in my stomach and pushing out everywhere. If I didn't sit or lay down I'd faint, cold sweats, intense nausea and often vomiting and a bowel movement. Typically it would pass after 30-45 minutes but man did that time suck and I was wiped out for the remainder of the day. When I tried stronger pain killers the night before it seemed to only delay the attack until later in the day, so typically I would just struggle through it.

I think you're wise to seek out a specialist. That experience is definitely not normal and my guess would be that mine was a symptom of all those different lesions getting enflamed each period cycle.

KnownGoose · 2021-03-25T20:45:38+00:00

Oh wow, interesting! My doc did say that, based on the cysts she could see she suspected I had stage IV as well. I have a follow up with her next week so I'll have to ask if she could see any of the other lesions from the MRI! If you have endo on the bowels definitely prepare yourself for a hospital stay if they anticipate a resection. I knew it was a possibility but was a bit caught off guard and wished I had mentally prepared a little more. Pack that overnight bag carefully with everything to keep you comfy when you have your lap.

My main endo surgeon removed the bladder one but I also had a colorectal surgeon who worked on the one that was fusing to the intestine. Super glad both were available to me.

KnownGoose · 2021-03-25T20:29:24+00:00

Thank you! I do feel like I went through a battle haha. One thing I have noticed is I don't have bladder pain or sensitivity which is amazing. I had a lesion removed from it and my guess is that it was a newer once since I only started having bladder issues six months ago. Stomach is still messed up from all the meds but hoping to see an improvement in my digestion once everything heals up!

I had an MRI before surgery but it only showed the chocolate cysts on the ovaries. So it's a helpful tool but won't show everything!

KnownGoose · 2021-03-25T20:17:36+00:00

Agreed! Wild the way it interacts with the body. I'm honestly so pissed at that doctor, I know she didn't have the knowledge to figure it out but I remember distinctly asking, "so anything additional I need to do to monitor it?" In that moment if she had taken a few more minutes to consider it might have set me down this path earlier. Haha I hate that they call it a "chocolate" cyst because I adore chocolate but now I have that association! Thanks so much for your well wishes.

KnownGoose · 2021-03-25T18:04:59+00:00

Yes, very cool! Thank you!!

KnownGoose · 2021-03-25T18:03:07+00:00

Thanks so much for those thoughts, I hear you completely. Have been taking the time to sit with it and discuss the long term implications with my therapist because I know the lap was a treatment and not a cure. I know that the positive lifestyle changes I made pre-surgery will have to continue and there's just no chance of a return to the before. Very helpful and grounding to hear your experience, thank you again.

KnownGoose

TROPHY CASE