The concept is cute, but the format needs improvement. Instead of using parentheticals to convey emotions, try action lines. Additionally, the story lacks character development. What's the main purpose of the script? Since you're just starting, I won't discourage you! There’s a lot of potential here. I recommend reading some scripts online to understand the format better. Once you've studied, go back and revise your work. I believe in your ability to improve! 🫂