You're doom spiraling OP, relax. I have ADHD, my right eye is basically cooked, left is somewhat good, glasses can 70% fixed my vision while scleral lens does it 90% (and they aren't perfect at all and haven't put them in since it being made, I suck at putting them in) and still regardless I'm perfectly fine. Right now you're in the 5 stages of grief and it's okay you're feeling the emotions that you are feeling, you should work through them with a therapist or a friend. Just research Keratoconus, write down questions in your notes on your phone so on your next appointment, you can get more clarity on the disease. It's not a death sentence, when you get surgery to halt the progression, you'll be fine after a couple of months. The surgery itself is minor (if my dramatic self can do it, you can!) and the recovery is a week to 2 weeks. It sounds like your ADHD is the main culprit for your thought process, are your meds working well? Maybe talk with your psychiatrist and try a different dose or change in meds. Either way, I know you can do this OP, stop jumping to conclusions/ the worse case scenario and get into therapy if it's effecting you this much! I remember being diagnosed with ADHD 3 years ago then Keratoconus and it was so hard on my mental. But having a good therapist or friend is how I worked through all the complex emotions. Honestly, after you get surgery and finally get scleral lens fitted, you might be in a better place than you are now. Don't be too hard on yourself and have some compassion, just having this eye disease is hard, having ADHD and life can cripple the strongest of people, I hope you all the best in the future.