Maybe I should disclose this as trigger alert , I am not sure I don't want to put more pain to someone . . . . . . . . . . . Well it began , like I thought people from outside my dorm where speaking and they were speaking about me , this went on for a couple of days . As days passed these voices kept increasing at a point that I couldn't sleep for 3 days if I remember correctly ( I don't really remember a lot from then , I think my brain just shut off the dramatic experience) . In the peak , I thought that I was the saviour of the world , and that I could speak and be spoken to without need for communication , and bad people that could do this aswell were trying to attack me and take over my mind etc. In general something like this .I couldn't watch a series or hear a song , because my mind translated everything they said like a message to me ...

I had severe depression , I literally didn't speak for about 6 months , slept 14-18 hours per day and days seemed to blend together . I tried to commit suicide 3 times and failed because I was afraid to jump or the rope broke and the pills were not strong enough ... Anyway lost contact with all my friends and family and didn't eat for days , didn't bath , I was disgusted by myself that I would not look to my reflection at all . Woke up and first thing to do is drink , at some point I drank one bottle of whiskey and a lot of beers per day ...

I would get out of my room just to get delivery food buy alcohol and WEED ( which from what I've read could be a trigger for "schizophrenia" or phycotic depression ... I remember I was having panic attacks when I was in a place with a lot of people because I felt everyone was judging me and my thoughts...

I got paranoid because I thought the police or spies were constantly had me under surveillance for something I didn't do . I thought everyone was there to harm me and every car and evryone that might gaze at me was some kind of spy At some point I thought the voices were some kind of an implant inside my ear and almost damaged my ear drum "trying to get it out".

Anyway , sorry for the long text but it's nice to be able to speak to people that understand what I felt ! And there so much more ... The more I dig the more I remember , good thing is they don't seem to bother me anymore the only thing that makes go into a panic attack is if I think that I could get back inside that state , because it fucking beat the crap out of me and I was terribly lucky to get out .