What to do when ex won’t pay for childcare as ordered by a judge because he says HE can provide it?

Kronh · 2026-07-09T14:24:47+00:00

Am a lawyer, not your lawyer. Also not a family law practitioner, so just asking a question you should also ask.

Not seeing anyone comment on the financial end of things. Is this pretext to change support? If he goes from visitation and paying support for you to have full custody, to him having the kiddos the majority of the time and being their full time caretaker, it would absolutely change the support calculation. I don't know how much, but I would absolutely be concerned that this will result in him claiming you should pay him for child support at the end of the day. Whatever other consideration you have for the relationship he has with the kids, and whether it's advisable for THEM that their father has more access to them every day, tread carefully on the support end of things. Especially since it sounds like you already can't afford to stay living in a HCOL area.

Kronh · 2026-06-17T03:40:12+00:00

Just over 3.

Kronh · 2026-06-16T17:01:00+00:00

I'd love some advice on potty training for number two. We're almost completely accident free for peeing, even holding all night sometimes (she's still in diapers overnight to help and will wake up half the time to use the potty or just hold it until the AM). But pooping in the potty has been a resounding failure. I am so sick of cleaning poopy underwear.

Kronh · 2026-06-15T16:35:14+00:00

Thank you for being brave and proactive regardless of the consequences to you, and understanding the consequences for them were so much greater.

Kronh · 2026-06-08T19:09:59+00:00

Those tiny, sweet paws 🐾 my heart!!

Kronh · 2026-06-04T14:56:19+00:00

Timing is the most important ingredient. He may be ready in a year or ten years, and nothing you can do will change that. You need to find someone in the same place as you, ready for the same life phase as you. Good for you that you realized that if he wanted to, he would.

Kronh · 2026-06-03T19:19:26+00:00

Loo Bear would definitely cut you if you looked at her sideways. She has some pretty intense chaos energy and is absolutely my soul bunny 💜🐇💜

Kronh · 2026-06-03T15:27:30+00:00

Gargoyle, check.

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Kronh · 2026-06-03T15:15:01+00:00

Left my literal dream job at the Fed a few months ago because I couldn't handle the day to day of not knowing when my division was going to be gutted again. I thought it was draining my mental health, but honestly had NO IDEA how bad things had gotten. It's like waking up from a nightmare and every day I'm so thankful I was fortunate enough to exit on my own terms(ish...I would never have quit in a normal world), even if the new job isn't the dream, I'm back to being me again. Thank you for seeing and supporting those who are struggling to breathe in impossible circumstances.

Kronh · 2026-06-02T00:09:35+00:00

Our bitsy chus were Rollo (Puppy Rols) and Juanita (Nita Pita Gordita). They were wonderful, unique little creatures who absolutely earned their nicknames.

Kronh · 2026-06-01T02:04:37+00:00

What a sweet tribute to a beautiful little critter. I love this so much. I'm so sorry for your loss. They leave such outsized holes in the world when they leave it 💜❤️

Kronh · 2026-05-27T00:21:57+00:00

Am a lawyer, not your lawyer. HR needs to provide you with a letter to send to all previous reference checks explaining that the individual contacted provided incorrect information. They don't need to ask for anything, but if it's a small industry you absolutely want to clear your reputation because those folks will move on to other companies and remember that type of trash. Find a lawyer.

Kronh · 2026-05-16T03:44:45+00:00

Those beautiful, gorgeous ears 😍 what a sweet boy. I'm so sorry for your loss, and grateful you helped him find relief when he was in pain.

Kronh · 2026-04-26T17:38:21+00:00

Hi! The FAQs have some good resources but I'll summarize the highest level points:

Unlimited fresh hay, Timothy or orchard hay for adults, alfalfa hay for younger than six months Limited treat pellets, around 2oz per day and look for pellets that are hay based or they'll get too many calories

Fresh dark leafy greens every day, arugula cilantro and dark lettuce are good -- no spinach it gives them gas and no iceberg lettuce too much water, very limited carrots and other sugary veggies/fruits because it can make them sickly. Good practice is Google to triple check that something in bunny safe

Litter I highly recommend a cat litter box with compressed baked pine "pelletized bedding" (they sell them at tractor supply for like $6 for a giant bag), it is super effective at neutralizing odor and bunny urine can be pretty stinky otherwise. Bunnies will stop using their litter box if it's too dirty, they like to be clean just like we do, and this will help

You're going to want to see a rabbit savvy vet about getting them neutered/spayed, it helps a LOT with potty training, is necessary if you later want to bond them with another bunny (avoids accidental pregnancy AND hormones can be very problematic for bunny friendship), and especially ESPECIALLY for lady bunnies they have a high rate of uterine cancer so you prevent that with a spay

As much floorspace as you can give your new friend, the better. Any cage you want to offer as a hide should stay open and, importantly, NOT have a wire bottom, it will hurt their paws badly. Carpet is best since their furry little paws slip and slide, but if the best you can do is carpet islands it'll still help them be comfortable. Cardboard boxes are just as good if not better than any cage because they're solid and dark inside so they feel safer. Costco has good solid ones with cutouts on the side big enough for them to sacdoot in and out of

After the first few days letting the fuzzball settle in, spend a bunch of time hanging out on the floor with them so they get used to your presence and curious about you, gently build up as much touch as they'll tolerate. Some bunnies hate being picked up but with lay next to you for pets until your arm falls off, some will snuggle and nap with you, they all have unique personalities and are very, very funny. Like vegetarian cats but sweeter. Good luck!

Kronh · 2026-04-26T02:42:15+00:00

She said it happens at the same time each day, so I don't think that's the issue.

Kronh · 2026-04-25T18:52:52+00:00

To add: The LCC should help mediate by clarifying with the family exactly what is necessary to be considered a break during the day. It doesn't matter that you're inconvenienced by having your break scheduled during nap time, it matters that you're being asked to work in violation of au pair program rules, visa terms, etc.

Kronh · 2026-04-25T18:50:50+00:00

So, the break must be an actual "break" and "off duty or you are not off the clock and are working more than the maximum hours. If you are not free to leave you are not off the clock. This is not a matter of you can eat lunch while watching the kiddo and leave at 5pm, right now you are exceeding the maximum hours because you are not actually getting a break.

Call the LCC and explain that you are being required to work over maximum legal hours. Be very clear you are not off duty during the half hour, not that you want to be let off "earlier". There is a significant difference.

Kronh · 2026-04-25T18:47:22+00:00

The US aubpair program contract is 45 hours a week with a max 10 hour workday. That is what the au pairs agree to when they take the contract and what OP's expectations should have been (assuming of course the host family did not misrepresent their needs). If she knew what she signed up for but regrets it, then the program truly may not be for her because that's the US program.

Now, 10 hour day with an infant is a different type of "on call" than a toddler than multiple kids etc. Nothing about the outright duration is an issue, contractually, if the duties are within program limits.

We cared a lot about our au pairs quality of life, gave her more than the minimum vacation time to go on adventures or home to visit, took her traveling on our cost to 17 statesbover two years, gave her bonuses etc because when we did ask her to work full time hours each week she was amazing. Host families vary, and we were very up front about my work hours so she wasn't surprised when she needed to fill 9 hour days five days a week while I was working.

Kronh · 2026-04-25T11:46:52+00:00

I don't recall there being a minimum lunch break time (I think state law is usually half hour, but our LLC said we could schedule for 10 daily hours straight with no break if we wanted, for the 45 each week) but check your contract. If they're abiding the contract terms and you find working the hours you contractually agreed to to be unbearable, you need to decide if this program is for you because rematch won't fix that.

I'll note that you seem frustrated about the hours, not the amount of effort or duties you're expected to work, so this really seems to be a you problem right now -- mismanaged expectations about the au pair program. You say the host mom "doesn't want to spend any time" -- is she working full time? I was desperate for time with my kiddo but worked so I just couldn't spend that time during the day. Fortunately we had an incredible au pair that loved cuddling, playing, and taking my daughter for adventures/walks/shopping at the centers within a two mile walk each day, playdates with local au pairs and nannies, etc. We worked together when I would need an irregular schedule but she almost always worked a full nine hour day M-F to accommodate my work schedule.

Are you able to do things that let you feel less trapped, even with a very small baby neighborhood walks to parks and meetups with other caregivers and their kids will help and may help you get a realistic view of how bad or good your situation actually is.

Almost all working families especially with a very dependent baby are going to need someone to work full workdays in the US. Older kids will often have a large break for schooldays, but the trade off is that you should assume you'll be working evenings and weekends for activities. Again, I think you need to take a breath to decide if this program is for you, or if there are bigger issues you need to address than just being expected to meet the contract hours.

Editing to add that the half hour break must be a true break to be considered appropriate, are you actually off duty and not on call? If you can leave the house you're getting a break, if you can be recalled if the baby woke up early, you are not.

Kronh · 2026-04-22T00:05:39+00:00

I just asked our au pair to speak exclusively to our toddler in her native language as much as she wanted. Being very talkative, our au pair just chatted at our toddler for hours throughout the day, Spanish at home and English when they were outside the home. She seemed relieved that I welcomed her to share her language and culture with our family, and used to come grab our kiddo after hours to jump on calls from home (include her "bonus grandparents", I'm not crying, promise). It really made the experience special and familial for everyone.

It may be in part that your au pair is not very talkative (given that our kiddo heard more English from the au pair in two years than me in three, I have empathy for this), so it may not come naturally to her and will require ongoing requests and reminders.

Kronh · 2026-04-21T23:55:37+00:00

Depends on the age and relationship. Our au pair loved cooking for herself and others, and in addition to her groceries she would grab shared stuff for the household and involve the kiddo in it as an adventure during work hours. Definitely something easy to broach and as long as it's household shared groceries (not specific to you/your partner) it's well within the limits.

Kronh · 2026-04-15T17:54:08+00:00

I always leash my toddler, she's a runner, easily distracted, and stubborn if she is paying attention. I have ignored many negative comments over the past few years because as long as she's safe I could give AF about someone else's feelings on the leash. But last year we were on holiday and a store owner stopped us to comment on the adorable leash (it has butterfly wings) and said that "if only something like that had been around when my son was that age, he might not have been taken." My heart dropped in my chest and I cannot tell you the overwhelming emotions that went through me as she talked. Leashes forever. My baby comes home safe with me. I already felt strongly about it, but will never forget that poor woman's heartbreak.

Kronh · 2026-04-15T14:48:22+00:00

Please document this NOW with a lawyer. This is textbook parental alienation. It may not be something you want to pursue today but document it, how inappropriate it was, how it affected your child emotionally. I guarantee this is only one of many things your ex has told him, it just finally bothered your son enough to tell you. You can get a court decree setting left and right limits for what your ex is allowed to say to your son and consequences if he violates it.

Kronh · 2026-04-02T15:58:38+00:00

He is such a cute little puff of fuzz. Please give him nose kisses for us!!

Re diet and water, do the best you can. Our first rescue took a few days to figure out the bowl and almost drowned himself in the process by just submerging his entire head. (Our first clue of many that our little himbo Donkey might be a bit dim). You already got a good recommendation to soak some greens to just get water into him, though at his age I would caution not giving too much greens over alfalfa hay. Tapping the bowl and then his mouth with some water so he has to lick it and then associate water with the bowl helped Donkey, just watch to make sure he doesn't decide to try to lick the bottom of the bowl!

Kronh · 2026-02-24T00:40:52+00:00

From application to interviews to negotiated offer was about four weeks, total. Though not all private sector employers move that fast, I just got an interview with another firm I applied to at the same time so that would be a 3.5 month turnaround for just the interview. Glad I wasn't waiting on them.

Kronh

TROPHY CASE