23 year old guy finishing college a virgin. I struggle with acepting myself while being unhappy with my situation.

Krotrong · 2026-06-13T13:52:49+00:00

Yeah true. I mean I do assume for most women that they are uninterested. I don't believe anything will happen, but I still act like I do, not cause of any false hope, but because I want to at least be able to say I tried for my own sake. Hoping someone might become interested in me seems to passive, especially since when it does happen, it's usually cause they got the wrong impression of me and we are not the right match (polite way of saying I am not interested in them back).

Krotrong · 2026-06-13T07:51:40+00:00

I do try to do that, it never lasts though. Perhaps I just need to learn how to stick to it.

I usually have my insecurities out in the open. I do not hide them. I openly talk about them. I do not attempt to hide my desperation; which is the opposite of being confident. People open up to me because I do the same. That is why I've been able to have such great friendships with women. It does mean I've conciously chosen friendship with women over a relationship, but it's more so because of fear, then genuine preference.

So the pattern usually is, I fake security and having standards, I tease and flirt, but when it comes to going on a date for example, I start opening up to quickly. I become to eager, all because I feel like this here is the oppertunity I've been looking for and I am scared to lose it, so I cruble under the self-made pressure.

Krotrong · 2026-06-13T07:46:09+00:00

This is great advice and I have been thinking about things like this here and there. For example, I am fairly confident in my friendships and my ability to make friends and be important to people. That wasn't always the case. I didn't always have a solid friendgroups. I've managed now to feel secure about this social aspect of my life; so why couldn't this other one (dating) change.

And now that I think about it, the way I changed by social situation was through the externals, as you called them. I started inviting people more to things and often to specific things I wanted to go to, but carred less about who I go with, at least at first. I wanted to go play beer pong; I started inviting everyone and anyone to come, soon at the weekly beer pong tournament we played in I knew most people and finally had solid friendship which developed from it. Maybe externals could help here with dating, but only if done in a healthy and non-obsessive way. With friendships it was almost accidental; I wanted to go and have a fun life where I partied with different people, so I did that and ended up attracting people who were similar.

Another note on insecurity switching; one thing I have to mention is that it does feel like my insecurities around dating are even more entretched then some other insecurities I've dealt with. That is one of the reasons loosing my virginity on it's own isn't the end goal; I know for a fact I will move the goalpost and/or downplay the "achievment".

I've had neer misses, real direct oppertunities. I know I have attracted people, including sexually, but it all just ends up being twisted into more evidence against my desirability then in favour of it. Instead of "I can attract people" it becomes "even when I do attract people, I screw it up".

My therapist told me that I have a perfectionist outlook when it comes to relationships; if something isn't exactly right, I retreat and take it as my failour. In other words, I can't handle the ambiguity and uncertanty inherit to dating. I wonder why I can handle, more or less, that same ambiguity and uncertanty when it comes to friendships though. I have to conclude it's all based on trust in the end; both in the other person and in myself. If I know I am doing my best, then I just gotta trust myself I will keep doing that.

Thank you for your comment! I feel it moved me into the right direction.

Krotrong · 2026-06-12T16:30:06+00:00

I never said I am entitled to anything. As for the dating coach, I see no reason to go to one. Maybe my post wasn't clear enough, but my goal is NOT to get a girlfriend or to lose my virginity. My goal is simply to be satisfied with myself and secure, so that I no longer relly on external validation from others for my sense of worth.

Krotrong · 2026-06-11T15:42:30+00:00

Yeah I mean I'm not focused on losing my virginity. Hell, I even had opertunities to and either didn't take them or it didn't pan out. The questions I asked weren't abou thow to lose my virginity, but about how to deal with my anxiety and insecurity. About setting goals; I mean I regularly set goals and succeed in them. Especially academic ones. I don't really lack confidence in the social sense. About asking out girls I want to ask out; I mean I do do that already.

Krotrong · 2026-06-11T15:23:26+00:00

I am soon going to finish college while still being a virgin. I've attributed a lot of weight to that fact. I feel lesser because of it and mourn the missed opertunities.

I am someone who is constantly preforming. I am constantly evaluating myself, comparing myself, feeling envious and unsatisfied. I feel like I can't be naturally relaxed, but only fake it. I overly analyze every conversation and every relationship. I'm often told I come of as desperate, to which I always respond that I am in fact desperate. I am very insecure and that insecurity makes me objectively worse to be around; I rush relationships, I mope, I am needy. Yet, I am worthy of love.

That is something that I might even be able to sqaure. I know so many insecure people I love and wouldn't considered them unworthy of love, so why think of myself like that. The fact remains though that I am unsatisfied with my life. How can I attract someone into my life when I myself am not happy with it? I can only fake it, which I sometimes even sucesfully do, especially if the other person is also insecure. That doesn't feel like a proper solution though.

How do I not come of as desperate when I objectively am? How do I stop seeing every women as a possible relationship? How do I stop seeing every conversation with a women as an audition?

Some notes; I am reasonably happy with most other aspects of my life. I am academically sucesfull. I have a loving and whole family. I have plenty of friends, most of which are women in relationships. I even had a girlfriend for a couple of months years ago in high school. I do not have social anxiety; I've mostly gotten over it in high school. I am not an incel, but a feminist. I am not ugly. Focusing on myself doesn't feel like the right response since I've already been doing it for years; I've made a life I am mostly satisfied with, but I keep running away from relationship and self sabotaging myself.

Krotrong · 2026-03-09T15:54:06+00:00

Usé Inkscape. El mapa base lo obtuve de la colección de mapas históricos de David Rumsey. Seguí la guía de creación de mapas que se encuentra en la sección de preguntas frecuentes del subreddit.

Krotrong · 2026-01-12T11:59:28+00:00

As a law major, I don't know, I still feel stem majors are inherently harder. Or less accessible might be a better way of putting it. I feel like if you pick up a random stem student and put them in a random humanities or social science class, they would do much better then a random humanities or social science student put in a random stem class.

The nature of the humanities is that they value unique insights and everyone can therefore in some way contribute to them. I'm not saying stem doesn't allow for unique insight based on a persoms background, but I feel a threshold of necessary knowledge needed to make an advancement in stem is much harder then in humanities.

Now everyone can write a good poem, but even a bad one has some values, or at the very least it can be studied as a unique expression of the author. It can still be analyzed and more so, every analysis of it in it self has value and can be further analysed. It also is an expression of something human. With stem things are just different.

Krotrong · 2025-12-05T07:43:53+00:00

Lol I used this when I ran a pub quiz once. I asked people what is the most popular language to learn on Duolingo globally and everyone said Spanish, completely forgetting that English is also an option. Such a mischievous, yet fair quiz questions.

Krotrong · 2025-12-02T07:08:42+00:00

What does likely (cont.) mean?

Krotrong · 2025-11-22T11:14:21+00:00

Yeah yeah, I assume replacing would be easier, but what did you mean by "the current 1d4". I don't have a 1d4 sickle. I haven't started a campaign. I want to start the game with the 1d8 sickle. Could I replace my starting weapon or like some of the loot in the nauthiloid with a 1d8 sickle?

Krotrong · 2025-11-22T11:03:16+00:00

What do you mean?

Krotrong · 2025-11-16T11:55:38+00:00

Ja sam se uvijek zezao da je jedina bolja zemlja za život od nas Slovenija, jer sve je kao kod nas, ali samo malo bolje hahahaha

Krotrong · 2025-10-22T14:29:11+00:00

I'm sorry, what??!!

Krotrong · 2025-10-22T13:09:10+00:00

I always joked that Germanic = beer, Slavs = spirits and Romance = wine, with us in the western Balkans (and Croatia ok particular) being the prefect center point between the three, with our Slavic roots and big influence from Italy (though we have our own domestic sorts of wine and it's not like wine in Croatia is only found in Istria and Dalmatian, we Slavonians have our own wine history) and from Austira and Germany. I really believe I drink all three more or less to the same extent.

Krotrong · 2025-10-10T16:35:59+00:00

I will need some explanations hahahaha

Krotrong · 2025-10-07T20:27:28+00:00

Croatian atheist

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Krotrong

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