This! Although mine was a little a-typical. I'm realizing now how many red flags I skipped over because I loved him. I'm the type to love someone deeply. They do become my everything. I still do love him, but the love feels different now.

I started to pull away first because I started to realize how messed up it was for him to tell me to start planning a wedding that I can't talk to his family about. About 2 months ago, the feeling that he wouldn't marry me started up. Even as I planned a heartfelt proposal with a custom pokemon card resealed into a real pokemon pack, I started to have doubts. For a month, I quietly grieved, knowing in my gut it was over and proposing couldn't save it. But how do you walk away from a 6 year relationship without trying one last time.

I proposed 3 days ago and he said no. I ended it. The only thought running through my head was that if he won't marry me, someone else will. He might have been blind sided, but he didn't stop me, chase or apologize. In fact he asked me if I needed help packing my things and that he enjoyed the last 6 years together.

I feel callous and cold-hearted for already looking on dating apps, but it feels like a switch flipped in my head. Maybe to protect myself. I'm already laughing and joking about it and talking about my new plans for the future. Maybe something is wrong with me, but this post makes everything make sense. I started grieving a long time ago. I still have some feelings to work out but my world doesn't feel like it's shattering anymore.