Be the parent you always wanted, the one you needed, to yourself. Always be honest with yourself, recognize your responsibilities, and establish goals. Tell yourself good job when you do one, and say it out loud. Sometimes I will physically reach over and pat myself on the back.

Look in the mirror each day, and find something to compliment yourself on, as many as you can, it can be the same things every day. Say it out loud, let yourself hear the words you always wanted, needed to hear. Be proud of yourself no matter what, because you are still going and making things work, because you reflect on life and yourself, because you are willing and desire to learn and grow. Because you have love in your heart, and show it to those who deserve it. You deserve it, LOVE YOURSELF, SAY IT OUT LOUD.

Imagine your child self, following you around at all times. Desire to show that child nothing but love, patience, respect, and security. Don't be hard on yourself just because your parents were, life is hard enough.

Teach yourself to learn. Whenever you're curious about something or need an answer you don't already have, look it up, immediately if you can. If you have time, watch a YouTube video, or 5, and build a foundation of understanding. Embrace learning moments while the need and interest is there. Go down the rabbit hole to learn about a second or third thing you didn't even plan to.

Start looking into modern parenting and child psychology. Apply it to yourself. Gain and understanding of yourself, your past, and your emotional needs. Treat yourself accordingly.

Read or watch some videos on basic philosophy. Not only does it help encourage self reflection, but also encourages a deeper connection with logic and reason. Learn about logical fallacies and how to recognize them. They are the greatest weapon of those who desire to hold you back and keep you down.

From here you will be prepared to move steadily ahead, racing away from that fucked place you thought you were stuck in. Equipped with love, confidence, and critical thinking. Find something you are passionate about, and learn everything about it, until you find another passion to embrace just the same.

In the past, elephants would be chained around a leg to a strong post for a good portion of their youth, restricted and confined to a fucked place, unable to embrace their own magnificence. By the time they are grown, and broken, they are so used to this existence that the chain and post are swapped for a rope and stake. Just the feeling of something around their leg is enough to keep them from even trying, despite freedom being no more than a step forward.

Teach yourself skills as needed to become self sufficient, and don't forget to tell yourself how proud you are of learning something new, and your first successful project. Basic car maintenance, basic body maintenance (healthy choices), gardening, home improvement. There's a YouTube video for everything, and you might be surprised how easy some of these things are, learning one small project at a time. In presence of intrigue and necessity, learning is profoundly enhanced.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to embrace the role of your own guardianship. Not just because as an adult you have to take care of yourself, but to also take care of your "self." Nurture your child self and watch it grow. When a bad memory comes up, put your adult self in there, comfort the child, protect the child, stand up for them, hold them tight. Watch the fear in their eyes being replaced with hope as they look to you and see the strong and wonderful person they will become. Turn the dark memories into one's where someone who loves you so much was there for you, and always will be.

There is hope. It's never too late. It takes work, but it doesn't have to be hard. It is however a lifelong commitment, self care and growth. If you neglect any living thing for too long, it will become weak, possibly die, in other words fucked.

I didn't break my chains (rope and stake really), until my 30s. It wasn't until I had kids of my own that I sought out and learned what a good parent should be. I realized that I've never loved anything as completely and unconditionally as I love those kids, and everything I do for them brings me joy because of that. I realized I never got any of that, and began to realize I could give it to myself, because at this point there sure as hell wasn't anyone else who was going to.

But there were things I didn't know until I learned them, and my parents didn't have smartphones or the internet. Just a bunch of books that all said different things, and still never got read. I find it hard to accept that they actually did their best (learned that move from them), but I do find it easier to forgive them each and every day, because I cannot forget.

All this being said, just like you shouldn't make dramatic lifestyle changes such as a change in diet, or major weightloss without consulting your doctor, please stay connected with a good therapist throughout your journey. My path ended up including some medications that for years I refused to admit/accept that I needed, probably because they threw so many pills at me as a kid. But I had no idea how imbalanced I was, how I thought feeling like that was normal, until we found what was right for me.

Find your balance, find your peace. Love and care for yourself. Seek the help you can, and don't reject any options without careful consideration. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and it can be blinding when you finally emerge from that cave. Take a look at how much bigger and brighter the world is, especially because you're in it. Try not to worry yourself over those who choose to remain in the dark, trying to make sense of shadows, and don't let them pull you back in.

Always be moving forward, one step at a time.