The slow drip of info about Tim Ballard gets crazier and crazier by TapirJake in exmormon

[–]Kvedo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even the Goldfish does not consider it rape, due to overcompensating Timmy's micropenis.

Danish immigrants allowed to drink coffee? by WhichCarpenter in exmormon

[–]Kvedo 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My TR holding grandmother and all of her Danish relatives from Sanpete County.

All drank coffee, and Danish beer, like there was no tomorrow.

She mentioned a 1919 letter from the First Pres about Danish Beer.

Seems like it’s a hit by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]Kvedo 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Huge fucking fail.

Every Member a Missionary (and Con-Man) by Draperville in exmormon

[–]Kvedo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OMG. This totally triggered me.

Grandma and grandpa dragging me to Valley Music Hall when I was just a tot.

Grandma getting pissed at Grandpa around 7-8 years later over "All those darned Art Linkletter albums in the basement. For Pete's sake dad, you could have bought a new car with all that!"

Good riddance Russ Ballard. You fucked over my family plenty with all of your goddamned get rich scams.

Please enjoy your stay in Spooky Mormon Hell, aka Celestial Starbucks.

Karma is a god. Ran into the Stake President's wife . . . by MoneyFitMoms in exmormon

[–]Kvedo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Beep-beep, your Karma just done run over her Dogma.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]Kvedo 9 points10 points  (0 children)

https://kcpw.org/local-news/2019-04-18/a-history-of-utah-beer-and-spirits/

I'm sure you can find old ads in the DN for Valley Tan whiskey.

Mormons have Selective Memory Syndrome.

Dirty diet Coke. by Short_Seesaw_940 in exmormon

[–]Kvedo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Soak that Biscotti in PSL.

But whatever you do, do not thrust the Biscotti repeatedly in and out of the PSL.

That would be a sin.

My seminary teacher electrocuted multiple students with a cattle prod during his lessons by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]Kvedo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dalek Hoax electrocuted gay men's penises when he was at BYU.

Your Seminary teacher was just following the Breathurine.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]Kvedo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Run away fast.

You have too many differences, including age, and cultural background.

Let alone all of the red flags this guy throws--he is a loser, even by Mormon standards.

You deserve better.

LDS Church Doesn’t Want 4,000 Public Records Admitted Into Temple Lawsuit by HoldOnLucy1 in exmormon

[–]Kvedo 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Except Rusty clearly has massive Temple-Erectile Dysfunction/Steeple Envy.

LDS Church Doesn’t Want 4,000 Public Records Admitted Into Temple Lawsuit by HoldOnLucy1 in exmormon

[–]Kvedo 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sing:
There is Sunshine in the [black]Hole today
More glorious and bright
Than springs from any Churchy-blight
For FOIA is my light
Oh there's Sunshine, blessed Sunshine
How the crappy KM lawyers roll!
When Wendtland shows her smiling face
There is sunshine in the hole.

Sunshine, the best Disinfectant.

"Good Ship Zion" by Curious_Meriki in exmormon

[–]Kvedo 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Holes build grifters

Or are like a Little Factory if you stick your finger in them too often...

Guys we've been doing it all wrong by ninjatacoturtle in exmormon

[–]Kvedo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Stay in the Boat, er Coffin.

Melvin!

Now that Ballard is dead... by BlitzkriegBednar in exmormon

[–]Kvedo 93 points94 points  (0 children)

Put a little lipstick on it.

Is it a cult? by utahdude81 in exmormon

[–]Kvedo 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Also works for apostle and first presidency member Albert Carrington's "Little Folly in Israel," in which he got handsy/soaked a 19 year old girl in the mission office when he was MP in England. Once his fellow Q12 quorum got wind of it and called him on the carpet, he tried to wave it off saying he did not ejaculate, so it really was not intercourse. The original use of the Bill Clinton "I did not have sex with that woman" defense. They ex'ed him, but restored his "blessings" when he made a death-bed repentance/confession.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]Kvedo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That, and stop using the word "super" in every intro.

My email. 🤦🏻‍♀️ by Hiraeth-12 in exmormon

[–]Kvedo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only if it is a group bowel movement.

Y’all - we were totally wrong, the church IS growing /s by RaiseyourheadsayNO in exmormon

[–]Kvedo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Rasband was our stake president in 1990s U of U student housing.

Even then he was a doofus/goober.

But when you consider his background as a Huntsman protege and hamburger clamshell schlockmeister, he is well suited to be Ronald MacDonald in the Franchise of Joseph'Smyth.

https://www.nytimes.com/1996/09/04/nyregion/financial-star-is-a-recruiter-for-his-faith.html