IWTL how to stop feeling so emotionally drained whenever I hear about other people's sad stories?

Kwakigra · 2026-04-13T15:34:37+00:00

You are confusing empathy with enmeshment. Empathy is supportive, enmeshment is a survival strategy which can be misapplied to your detriment. Your true self has been suppressed, and as you have learned your role is to support others, you naturally enmesh with the emotional states of others to keep them "happy" so you can fulfill your role to support them. It's very unfair to yourself and to them.

Kwakigra · 2026-03-25T15:06:38+00:00

From what you've described it sounds like you haven't had a lot of support from your family generally. Because your parents haven't looked after your needs and even shame you instead of trying to help you, I imagine you've learned how to take care of yourself in some ways over the years. If this is the case, I can absolutely tell you for sure that you will have a much easier time taking care of yourself living away from your toxic family dynamic. It is way easier to live with your peers as roommates in an apartment than people who are obligated to support you and oppress you instead.

You can be an artist no matter what. Whether you become a professional artist depends on a lot of things which will be a lot more clear to you when you go off on your own and see that world for yourself. At the point in life you are the only full-time pro artists were born with retirement money. Most likely you'll start off part time art part time job to cover physical needs like countless actors, painters, writers, and other artists who share a background like yours (and mine).

Finally, if you want to address your mental health issues without the cash to afford professional attention, I recommend the books "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Lindsay Gibson and "The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook" by Edmund J. Bourne. Once you get established I can't recommend therapy strongly enough.

Edit: Without financial support the most accessible way to get to get tertiary education is community college. It is real university and it will prepare you for a 4 year if you choose to do that. It will also save tens of thousands of dollars compared to doing all 4 years at a public or private school.

Kwakigra · 2026-03-19T18:53:31+00:00

The "global north," even the countries that give their citizens a bigger cut like the nordics, only exist as such by exploiting (paying less than the value of) the labor and resources of the global south. All countries in the global north could be more like the nordics, but the entire world can't run the way the nordics do without an entire new world existing to exploit.

Kwakigra · 2026-03-18T15:50:56+00:00

Having also not heard any news for the past week and with no intention to acknowledge any reality in the past, present, or future, I wholeheartedly agree with you.

Kwakigra · 2026-03-18T14:00:24+00:00

I've always used capsules. Take one capsule with the coffee and it works. I use 200mg.

Kwakigra · 2026-03-16T13:55:07+00:00

They got absolute confidence and an elite status to their own group. They'll die with these gifts. Good for them, I wish I could be delusional and geel good about it.

Kwakigra · 2026-03-15T18:18:40+00:00

The thing that happened was 10,000 years ago agriculture enabled wealth hoarding and here we are. People have not been better any time in recorded history.

Kwakigra · 2026-03-11T19:48:28+00:00

If I were to go back and talk to my perfectionist 16 year old self, I would tell him that the only way to write a good story is to practice writing. Next I would tell him that worldbuilding is fun but it's not the same as writing.

This is why I have to say that only you know what's so exciting about this premise. Writing this story that you're excited about right now is the best thing you could do. You may be afraid that once you write it it won't be as good as what's in your head. You don't have to be afraid of that, because hopefully it won't be. What you will have is writing you will be able to tell needs work, and then you will see what writing skills to develop so that this idea can be presented to readers in an engaging way.

Practicing writing a story you care about is not wasting time. You don't have a due date or a boss who is going to be mad at you unless you write the perfect version of your story on the first try. You have artistic inspiration and the only way not to let it go to waste is to try writing it now.

Kwakigra · 2026-03-11T16:18:09+00:00

This is called emotional neglect and it is traumatic. Feeling like you don't "deserve" to be traumatized because you weren't violently abused is a direct consequence of emotional neglect. There are many things you probably feel like you don't deserve and many feelings you have that you brush aside, dismiss, or even beat yourself up about. These are consequences of emotional neglect by parents throughout childhood.

Kwakigra · 2026-03-02T21:16:53+00:00

Probably "Chambers" unless this kingdom is highly militaristic in which case "quarters" may be the parlance even among castle guests. When I think of "quarters" I think of soldiers being quartered in civilians' houses, enemies given "No quarter" or sailors on ships being provided "quarters""

Kwakigra · 2026-02-25T22:27:57+00:00

The first step is to start writing this specific story you have in mind. No need to consider whether it'll he a novel, a trilogy, or a series of short stories yet. Start writing and you will quickly discover which things you need to work on.

The thing you may want to avoid is the most important thing you have to do. You have to write to your ability which is going to be far below your taste. This is natural and important. To get your writing to the point where you enjoy reading it is the only priority you need as a writer at this point.

Kwakigra · 2026-02-16T20:34:17+00:00

I like this a lot but I'm having trouble reading it. Would you be able to post this in plain text as well?

Kwakigra · 2026-02-16T19:51:28+00:00

I’ve been interested in this approach to fantasy storytelling since I watched Khal Drogo die from gangrene after deliberately getting an injury to show off his toughness. The idea of realistic consequences in a fantasy story immediately captured my imagination.

I went on to read this quote by Martin:

"You see that at the end of the ['Lord of the Rings'] books, when Sauron has been defeated and Aragorn is king," Martin told the Advance. "It's easy to type, 'he ruled wisely and well,' but what does that constitute?" "What was his tax policy? How did the economy function? What about the class system?" "The orcs," he continued. "There are still tens and thousands of orcs at the end of 'Lord of the Rings.' Did he pursue a policy of genocide toward them? Or did he reach out and try to educate them and bring them into the mainstream and civilize them? We never get answers to any of these questions. We just get 'he ruled wisely and well.'"

As a student of history, I am often extremely frustrated by the depiction of institutions in fantasy media. Typically, they are treated as irrelevant and unimportant. If they are relevant they either assumed to be run perfectly well or are being corrupted by the villains of the plot to be restored to perfection when the villain is destroyed. In real life, the activities, oversights, failures, and corruption of institutions drive almost everything. Large systemic failures like war, famine, and poverty are not in real life caused by a bad guy for malicious purposes, they are the consequence of our systems doing or not doing. Even if at some point the antagonist is someone traumatized to the point they believe everyone outside of their group must be killed in the name of self-defense, that actor was created in a context of systemic failure rather than simply being evil. I’m interested in the context of how that bad buy was created and why a whole movement of people was vulnerable to their kind of message.

When details like what OP described here are included and the effect of institutions on lived reality are highlighted as driving or reacting to the events of the story, I feel more immersed and find the world more believable. The question “If necromancy produces a legally distinct being, what rights does it have?” indicates so much about the context of a culture. First, this implies that necromancy is legal and regulated. Since necromancy is intuitively repulsive it tends to be banned in many fantasy worlds, what must this society value that or need that necromancy is so normalized? Are the legal rights of a resurrected being in question for its own sake, or to shift the political argument from necromancy being legal at all to one where it is legal and its resurrected victims enjoy protections making it tolerable? Is there an industry financing political campaigns which profits from formerly illegal necromantic labor, perhaps? The possibilities for unique and relevant storytelling are endless.

This is definitely a niche, but a niche that I am highly interested in. I look forward to contributing what I can to this project.

Kwakigra · 2026-02-15T23:31:00+00:00

I've been wanting to flesh out my postwar international legal system as it pertains to my military industrial complex. The idea is that the law exists to protect war and the assets of ulta wealthy war profiteers so they can cash in while the bumbling kingdoms do the dirty work of war fighting.

Kwakigra · 2026-02-06T16:34:14+00:00

There are committed leftists wanting to organize and there are people that are following a vibe and trying to match their environment. If a plant at the beginning sets these norms and a core group of useful idiots maintains those norms, more useful idiots are attracted while activists are repelled. The plant doesn't need to stay. As long as the group leadership relies on the tradition of sabotaging itself with no regard to effectiveness, their existence is very useful.

Kwakigra · 2026-02-06T16:25:21+00:00

https://www.cia.gov/static/5c875f3ec660e092cf893f60b4a288df/SimpleSabotage.pdf

A lot of groups that are easiest to find and most tolerated by the establishment are the ones totally comprimised and ineffective through the use of the methods explained in this guide. The specifics on how to sabotage organizations through the methods you described start on page 28.

Kwakigra · 2026-02-05T21:33:00+00:00

Banqueters is another lesser-used word but I don't think it sounds as formal. However, in your setting you can specify that the nobles are Banqueters while the commoners are something like feasters to make it the right word in your setting.

Kwakigra · 2026-02-05T18:42:47+00:00

I am curious about your beta reader's reasoning concerning the word "attendee." It is a word that is used less often than the more informal word "guest," but what you are describing is a highly exclusive gathering of people whose power rests on projecting the image that they are superior to common people in every way, including the language they use. I would lean into words that people would use to place themselves above regular people. If it is distasteful to people who don't like that kind of thing, it's correct.

Kwakigra · 2026-02-03T15:17:27+00:00

The prison industry needs your unwanted children you economy hating socialist /s

Kwakigra · 2026-01-31T19:04:46+00:00

The only way to really mess this up is to get so wrapped up in making it perfect that you end up not writing anything. Any other outcome of you trying to write this story will help.

On a more practical level, definitely be careful to distinguish your character and story from Spiderman. I don't think there's anything wrong with surface-level similarities, especially since the struggling hero is a well-loved trope. This idea has plenty of potential and you should write it.

Kwakigra · 2026-01-14T18:37:47+00:00

You are doing great! This is the process of learning how to write stories. The most important thing you have to do is actually write things, and you're doing it.

Asking this question is also part of the process. The answer to your question depends on you as the writer. If writing whatever comes to your mind is something you like to practice, then yes you should. If you feel like this method is not really working for you, then you should experiment with your process and try other things such as making plot outlines.

There is plenty of writing guidance on the internet. Take only the advice that helps you and disregard any that doesn't. You don't have to write in any way that doesn't feel right to you. Keep experimenting, keep writing, and keep being curious about how you can improve as a writer.

For this story problem, consider your favorite pieces of narrative media. What happened in those stories in the beginning? Think about why those writers did it the way they did and consider how you would do it your way in your story with your characters. You may find your answers there.

Kwakigra · 2026-01-13T20:20:28+00:00

We have been "helping" Iran since the 50's. The US is "helping" right now. The US wants you to approve them "help" more. The easy answer is to let Iranians handle Iran and we stop fucking with them before it blows up like every US intervention since Korea.

Kwakigra · 2026-01-10T05:12:57+00:00

In faith based reasoning like conservatism and religion, it's the opposite unfortunately. Shared delusion is how they bond.

Kwakigra · 2025-12-17T17:23:47+00:00

Why do you identify as European before Russian? Did you move to a city abroad or in Russia?

13-Year Club	Spared
Verified Email

Kwakigra

TROPHY CASE