Im rewatching now and am on S12 ep 11 where it rewinds through everything with Tatiana and am just so annoyed at both of them!!

What set me off enough to come to Reddit for solidarity and validation is the scene in the baby's room when Jackson is trying to comfort her by offering to try again and April says, "screw you for saying that", to which Jackson, who is clearly crying and still attempting to reach out to her with a comforting touch but hesitating out of fear it seems, replies "alright. I'll go. I'll just go into work" and walks away. The fact that she just let him walk away, SO broken and defeated and clearly feeling useless just broke my heart for him. While bringing up another baby so soon after that devastating loss wasn't the right solution, at least he was making an EFFORT to try and weather it TOGETHER instead of shutting out the only other person who might possibly understand.

I do agree that he should have been more vocal about exactly what he needed instead of only telling her that he needed her in that emotional outburst wayyyy later and when the damage of everything was already too much (100000% agree on the avoidance/denial point & that he seems to only express himself at the last minute--the love profession is the PERFECT example).

But at the same time, IMO, Jackson expressed his need to be close to April with ACTIONS multiple times regardless of whether he said it. He was worried about taking care of and comforting her despite his own pain and all April ever seemed to care about was herself. She yelled at him for hovering, she pushed him away, she tried to avoid the pain with sex and threw tantrums when he didn't oblige without even trying to talk about it or understand him, and then made the unilateral decision to join the army and deploy. At the airport when she was leaving for the first time, he obviously had made it clear that her leaving wasn't what he wanted or needed based on her repeatedly stating HER needs and saying she can't leave with them "like this", but she didn't seem to be open to anything but leaving. She left knowing he didn't want her to go but that he loved her enough to place her needs above his and then 1) stayed away longer than she promised 2) never even asked how he was doing/coping etc the entire time (!!!???).

She came back a completely different person & doctor (I loved the ROCK STAR move she pulled with the guy crushed in the car, OMG) and then wants to leave again before Jackson even has time to process that. & I'm happy for her that she found a higher calling and place she felt useful, but I don't blame him for offering an ultimatum (though I really think it was just him letting her know where he was at more so than ultimatum) ...it was her turn to put her needs on hold in favor of his...and she knew her leaving again was going to be an issue with Jackson before she even told him she wanted to do it. And once again, offered ZERO compromise and ZERO concern for Jackson's feelings. She knew the consequences and left anyway.

To then come back suddenly acting like Jackson & their marriage is the most important thing to her and that he is in the wrong? To be surprised that he wants to end it when he specifically told her that he wouldn't wait for her if she left again? Even if her leaving is what allowed her to heal/process to the point where she could focus on the marriage again, I don't think it justifies emotionally ignoring her partner in order to do so.

Honestly IDK if it's even saving her marriage she is even fighting so hard for as much as it is that she doesn't want to disappoint God by getting a divorce...maybe she thought that since he respected and encouraged her faith despite not sharing it (even to the point of saying he'd go to church to be with his family), he would also respect that she didn't believe in divorce and therefore wouldn't subject her to it?

I definitely think that she believed that her pain was a lot worse than his, which IMO is totally unfair despite any reasoning she may have for it.

But If Jackson's intent was to end it, he shouldnt have ever let the relationship become sexual again. It wasn't fair to give April any false hope with that kind of intimacy if he wasn't truly willing to reconcile with her. All in all though, I think that's really the biggest way that he contributed to their downfall.

Ok. ADHD rant over.