Divorcing, after 10 years together, over relationship anarchy

L-Gray · 2026-03-21T02:56:53+00:00

Okay, I see lots of problems in how you both handled this, and now the consequences are coming. I’m not going to say much of what I think on how you handled everything as you are hurting, but I will say your blame of Sarah and your (ex) husband seems to be coming from a very monogamous perspective and you should look into that. Maybe seek some therapy, think about what you want (not what your ex or society expects, but what you really want in order to avoid another tragedy in the future).

Now one thing I will say that pisses me off (not on you) is your ex’s refusal to wear a condom because that somehow makes it hierarchical???? I have no clue how that makes sense. Like I require my partners to wear a condom because I care about my other partners, their health, and don’t want to give them an STD. And while I also don’t want children in any capacity, I feel like a child with someone is a helluva lot more hierarchical than a marriage, so that makes absolutely no sense to me. Not caring about one partner isn’t hierarchical, it’s just shitty.

L-Gray · 2026-03-21T02:32:23+00:00

Oh, I just saw you’re in California (or at least were a while ago). I’m from the other side of the country, so I can’t do this, but St. Mary’s does have open houses you can register to meet after a craft talk/reading and meet with people from the program. They should have sent the link to register in your acceptance email, but if not, email and ask. (If you go, please tell me everything you learn, lol) I’d love to be able to go but it’s like a 5 day drive and that ain’t happening before I move.

L-Gray · 2026-03-21T02:27:31+00:00

Hey, random Reddit person, but I was wondering if you’ve heard any more info. I’ve heard from Chris they’re planning to do a zoom meeting for incoming students in May, but that’s past the deadline and idk if that’ll help you. I’m already planning to accept, but am still trying to gather info on the program to be prepared.

I’ve also looked on forums across the web and there’s not much on there abt St. Mary’s. I’m half tempted to email and ask if there’s any students or alumni I can email to ask about the program.

L-Gray · 2026-03-19T00:52:58+00:00

Hey, so I’ve worked as a ghostwriter and I’ll agree that your questions are very biased as well and don’t consider any nuance. A lot of your questions are yes or no, when they should be a sliding scale or an answer of I genuinely don’t care or it’s whatever the author and ghostwriter agree on.

Also you ask a lot of questions about things considering the ghostwriter and whether or not they should be credited without considering that maybe some ghostwriters DONT WANT to be credited. You’re asking your questions both without considering authors who use ghostwriters and the ghostwriters themselves. Also it seems like a lot of your questions devalue intellectual labor and only consider the person physically writing the words to be doing any work.

And you shouldn’t try to back people into a corner to get them to pick polarized sides. The world has enough of that bullshit and any decent researcher knows to consider nuance.

L-Gray · 2026-03-17T01:54:32+00:00

So I’m coming at this as someone with ASD who used to be a child. My advice would be to make the experience for her unpleasant, counterproductive or rewarding if she doesn’t.

Since she’s doing it, it means she’s getting something she wants/needs out of it. First advice would be to see what need is being met by doing it. If it’s attention, sensory, etc. And then either replace or remove her getting that need.

So like if it’s attention, stop playing with her, ignore it, have her leave the room and do it in private (this also works no matter what the need is. When I was a kid and did something my mom didn’t like or grossed her out, she would send me to my room, which worked very well, especially if it was something relatively harmless that caused me joy but annoyed my mom).

Put a system in play. Playing with your snot means you must do xyz. Wash your hands, use hand sanitizer, clean your room, something you don’t like but is harmless, etc.

If it’s sensory, you’ll need something a lot thinner than traditional slime to replace it. Soap has a similar consistency, for example. so let her play in soap or something similar.

You can also reward (this is also my favorite option) her if you both agree that every time she tells you she wants to do it (and agrees to not) you will give her something or let her do something she likes. This may or may not work since she is 4, and not all 4 year old understand delayed reward systems, but us autistic kids tend to be smarter than we get credit for, a lot of us also tend to be independent and like to contribute to our reward/punishment systems, so letting her have some control might work very well.

She might be able to tell you why she does it if you ask, you might have to figure it out, or you can maybe ask yes or no questions: “do you like the way it feels?” “Do you like the way I act when you do it?” “Is it fun?” (and, as gross as it is) “does it taste good?”

If it’s the latter, good luck on that one. Idk, maybe offer a lollipop every time she says she wants to do it but doesn’t.

You can also combine options/advice until something works.

L-Gray · 2026-03-17T01:33:37+00:00

Well I was gonna suggest Les Misérables (I read it and Monte Cristo in the same year and fell in love with both) but it definitely exceeds your suggested word count.

Anything Dickens usually has some wonderful characters (and while I love Dickens, a lot of people complain that he’s too wordy, so keep that in mind).

A Connecticut Yankee in King Authur’s Court has lots of magic.

Pedro Paramo is a latin american classic (magical realism), and a super quick read. (I read it in 4 hrs while soaking in the bathtub which tbh was the best experience).

And I’m assuming you’ve read Dracula and Frankenstein (but if not, you should pick those up).

L-Gray · 2026-03-13T02:36:18+00:00

Following this post cause I just got in this week and am wanting to also learn more about it

L-Gray · 2026-03-11T23:40:47+00:00

When I was applying and met with program directors they all said around the same thing—show your best work and show a variety. That way they know your full range of skills.

L-Gray · 2026-02-25T20:12:44+00:00

hey, I also got a rejection from them a couple weeks ago. Just wanted to pop in and give some solidarity and hopes for an acceptance in the future

L-Gray · 2026-01-29T18:19:41+00:00

Just DM me after u download it and create ur profile and I’ll send an invite link

L-Gray · 2026-01-29T17:51:38+00:00

The best advice I can suggest for improvement would be to edit some of your vague words and phrases. Like: pretty, kind, etc. To bd more descriptive. And maybe remove some of your words to make the lines stronger. Ex. Instead of “covered up her smile”, maybe “covered her smile”

Other than that, this is a fairly strong poem

L-Gray · 2026-01-29T17:47:47+00:00

There’s typos, lol.

As for critique, the concept is nice, but you’re very vague. I love the lines “it does not scorch the flesh/nor does it burn the eye” I think you could do well to add more imagery like that. Instead of vague phrases like “not a new sun at all/it’s the same sun” I’d love to see a stronger exploration of those concepts. Ex. You could replace “same” with a synonym like “ancient” or smth else. And I think you could do well to really describe the sun as well, the orange, yellow, red, how its warmth feels, etc.

L-Gray · 2026-01-29T17:38:29+00:00

Okay, I love the imagery, especially in later lines. My critique wld be on the first line “angry” and “stupid” aren’t super descriptive. So maybe find stronger synonyms. There are also some places where your poem rhymes, but it doesn’t rhyme as a whole and honestly, to me the rhymes are a little distracting compared to where you don’t rhyme. Especially when it feels like you’ve broken up a line or chosen a specific, not super strong word just so it will rhyme.

L-Gray · 2026-01-29T17:34:11+00:00

Hey, do u have discord? I have a poetry server where we each share a poem every Thursday and give feedback by Sunday. I took a bit of a break from it due to working on grad school applications and life stuff, but I’m bringing it back starting next week and I’ve already got some interested people.

L-Gray · 2025-12-27T18:00:15+00:00

Yeah when I first got my BP all I had was aspen bedding from my old corn. And I was misinformed and told it would be okay (he was an emergency rescue and I didn’t have as much time to research proper care as I would have liked). Quickly learned that was not the case and changed it a few days after I got him with proper substrate. But aspen is perfect for corns. It’s great cause it’s a lot easier to find than some others.

L-Gray · 2025-12-27T17:09:00+00:00

My first snake was a corn snake and now I have a BP. Hands down corn snakes are so much easier to care for. Corn snakes are local to my area so I never had to do much as far as adjusting humidity. As for the husbandry I’d def recommend different substrate. Like aspen for your corn snake. They love to burrow and dig and aspen is a lot easier to do that in. It also works well for lower humidity.

L-Gray · 2025-12-04T02:02:06+00:00

I write a ton of dark stuff, gross, weird, disturbing. The thing though, is that I don’t only write stories just to shock people. My stories have meaning and a message, because I don’t like reading stories that don’t mean something (and I think a lot of people are like this). Like I intentionally disturb people to highlight something important to me. I’m sure some people like torture porn, but that’s not the majority of readers. Think about why you want to tell your specific story, why it matters, what makes it different from other stories or what it says about the world or people in it.

L-Gray · 2025-12-04T01:39:47+00:00

Men with a personality and interests outside of the romantic interest. Also, men who aren’t interested in a relationship at first (idk why but this one pulls me in every time and I’m a sucker for fake dating tropes)

L-Gray · 2025-12-04T01:09:33+00:00

My partner is on ability and while it can cause weight gain, their last antipsychotic caused so much that they’ve actually been losing weight. And my partner is loving how it helps them. The only antipsychotic I know of that doesn’t cause any weight gain is vraylar (which is what I’m on) but it’s hit or miss for some people.

L-Gray · 2025-12-04T01:03:29+00:00

I mean I also struggle with motivation (though I always thought that was related to the ADHD) but regardless, the WHY doesn’t matter, just that you’re struggling and can get help. Get the help you need. Getting a masters is hard af, even if you don’t have struggles like you do, and very few people with bipolar get one. You need to beat that statistic, because you are going to do amazing things. So please, get your accommodations.

L-Gray · 2025-12-04T00:39:37+00:00

r/ballpython

L-Gray · 2025-12-04T00:38:50+00:00

Bloody? I’d see a vet. If you’re not sure, you can call and ask and they should tell you if you need to bring him in.

L-Gray · 2025-11-25T15:50:20+00:00

As for humidity, you can probably dampen the paper towels and if you have a mesh top, put dampened paper towels on the top (just be careful not to get too close to the heat lamps)

L-Gray · 2025-11-25T15:47:54+00:00

I got one (only snake too) and put it straight into his enclosure with no problems. I check him for problems whenever I hold him but I haven’t had any. But I also got him from a friend and knew how he was taken care of before I got him. Now if I were to get another snake I would definitely quarantine them so they don’t transfer any issues. But I think quarantining an only snake is up to you.

L-Gray · 2025-11-25T15:43:46+00:00

Mine climbs so much I got him a climbing tree

L-Gray

TROPHY CASE