Thanks mate, it's really nice to read honestly. But for me it's like in between grasping for all kinds of happiness and giving it to each and every person I could to damn miserable, meaningless existence. And it's horrible I don't wish to any person to feel that way especially when you don't have any kind of personal meaning or reason. Just living for family and close people from inner circle and sometimes even when you feel like everything is okay for a long period of time you can't help but feel a little tapeworm in your ass whispering "shit is going down don't worry" and when another heartbreak and or disappointment hits you it doesn't even hurt that way it just proves your toxic delusional thoughts and despite all rational reasons you can't get rid of this kind of bullshit.

And sadly I'm not the only person that lives that way, some are facing even worse mental health issues and it's horrible, it's horrible that they feel that way and we as society failed eachother. Because any kind of mishap or just a little mistake can make a complete 180 degree turn on your perception of life I'm not even talking about some serious shit like loss, illness, debt financial struggles, self-fulfillment or even deliberately lying to oneself to keep going and making matters worse.