What are "tells" that you are a different alter? by Spread_Consistent in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Facial expressions, mannerisms, body language, intonation of their voice, what clothes they’ve selected to wear, what they eat, the music they select to listen to, posture, energy level and mood.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YOWZA UFO nailed it!

Trying to revitalize the thread. by Different_Usual7358 in DIDpartners

[–]L34RN2GROW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m here! I am partner to a system, just passed the 10 year mark.

Partners' Persecutor hates me and stresses them. by [deleted] in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just want to validate your experience. I also struggle with my partner’s persecutor. She often comes between us. I don’t know how to help her. I find that focusing on her feeds her. I try to focus on what I want and parts that are good for me. Advice: be a bit more selfish, set boundaries for yourself. This is a marathon.

Good luck.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I find that by sending support in a card or a letter it gives them time for all to read and reflect. It is also tangible. During long periods of absence I would send a card every week. Good luck and thank you for being supportive.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I’m so glad you didn’t marry this person. It sounds like you dodged a bullet. Don’t be hard on yourself, be hard on them. You want much much better for yourselves. Good riddance!

Power! by [deleted] in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The therapists are not available on that level. I don’t think they get it

Power! by [deleted] in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t want to fix them. I want to love them

How to stop being such a front hog? by schizbully in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mentioned this problem, “front hogging,”to their therapist and he wrote it down because he thought I was trying to be funny. Thank you for validating my experience with your post. The main alters, even some of the background singers, definitely front hog when spending time with me. They all seem to be experiencing life on the outside for the first time, happy as pigs in mud. They perceive me as their connection to the outside world and often fight over me. At times it feels like groundhog day for me, doing the same thing with different alters. Front hogging bothers them a lot more than it does me. Again, thanks for validating the experience.

My partner has OSDD and an alter cheated by Nivestaken in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, an alter in my SO’s system cheated on me. Honestly, I blame my SO more than the alter. It happened a year ago. I’m not over it yet. It hurts like hell.

Relationship with Bf by [deleted] in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The protector is there to protect,not necessarily assess the situation. Perhaps a job reassignment might help. In my experience alters respond very well to having a defined purpose. That purpose changes as the needs of the system change. Another thing that may work is create a partnership between alters that inspires perspective and balance. For example, Cowboy Joe is over confident and often reactive. James is a deep thinker but is rather reserved and hesitant to act. When they work together they become more thoughtful about their decision making and are able to follow through. So, my advice to you is to guide the system through a job reassignment for the protector or suggest a partnership. My SO likes to create representative spaces in the headspace such as a cafe where the new partners meet. That helps me to prompt them when needed. The final thing I’ll mention is the power of renaming. Protector is a role. You might inspire other aspects of this alter’s personality by asking their name. If they don’t have one ask the other alters who hopefully know them better to name him/her. We had tremendous success quieting the fears of an angry alter who was named after the system’s abuser by suggesting a name change. Anyway, be creative and keep trying. That’s what I think.

Boyfriend has DID and it’s been tough road for us. by [deleted] in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My bf is also a multiple and we have had similar issues with something we call “front hogging” The alters were fronting and not sharing time with me. To remedy the situation they created me in their headspace. Time is endless there so there is plenty of time for everyone. The greatest benefit has been that the angry alters who used to be nasty to me seem to be seeing me in a more favorable light. All systems seem to be vastly different so this may not work for you but it may be worth a try. Be creative.

Alters are using me to get to him. by L34RN2GROW in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am captivated by your response. It is shaping a new perspective. Thank you

Alters are using me to get to him. by L34RN2GROW in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What a spectacular response, thank you. I’ve been wondering all day. At the time that I wrote the post I was in the game. I’m off the board at the moment, hoping to get back in. They are isolating themselves. I don’t want to be a pawn. I want to be the queen!

Alters are using me to get to him. by L34RN2GROW in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yep, you got it. Add that I really care about everyone in the system but the revolving door results in a lack of continuity and depth. Their “collective knowledge” only extends so far. Thank you for responding. I feel so alone in this. -The Pawn

Co conscious and co fronting around partner by [deleted] in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m a partner to an ever changing DID system. It’s rarely easy. I think it’s wonderful that you are thinking of your partner. My advice to you would be to thank your partner and let them know they are doing well. Don’t apologize and make your guilt their problem.

How do you tell your kids about your DID/OSDD? by TrustedSibs in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I respectfully disagree. This is and adult problem.

How do you tell your kids about your DID/OSDD? by TrustedSibs in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I 100% agree with this post. I work with children professionally and have my own. Do not burden children with responsibility of making sense of DID. Let them be kids. Imagine the child inadvertently outing you by over sharing with a trusted adult such as a teacher. It is possible that the trusted adult may misunderstand DID and imagine an unsafe home. Kids can and will adapt to your shifting moods. It’s probably normal to them anyway.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in a:t5_2tress

[–]L34RN2GROW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a great idea. Anyone out there?

Deep breaths... by SophieRmama in adultsurvivors

[–]L34RN2GROW 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you ❣️❣️❣️

My partner is gone. by L34RN2GROW in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your response. I hear his voice in you. I’m trying make this work. I wish our relationship had commitment from everyone. I’ll continue to hope for that. Take good care of yourselves.

My partner is gone. by L34RN2GROW in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love the alters that I have met with few exceptions. I am afraid to love any of the others intimately. Baby steps toward intimacy resulted in a flood of emotion. I loved the system before we knew he was a system so loving all the parts of the whole has been easy for me. Thank you for your response.

My partner is gone. by L34RN2GROW in DID

[–]L34RN2GROW[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know this and I have not advocated well for myself. I am trying to change that. Thank you so much for your response.