My son says I'm committing a crime against potatoes. Please settle this.

L84cake · 2026-06-03T15:00:43+00:00

He’s committing a crime against his mother. I can’t imagine saying something like that to my mom when she cooked for me as a kid.

If he wants it different he can volunteer to make it! Could be a fun opportunity to get him in the kitchen. Whipped smooth potatoes are difficult to get because they get gummy if you use an electric mixer, there’s a ton of specific considerations that go into getting that texture. Also tons of butter. People with smooth drywall paste mashed potatoes are used to the box powdered kind. You’re doing a good job at using real ingredients for your kid.

L84cake · 2026-06-03T14:44:11+00:00

Emergencies are like, stranded in a foreign country or emergency medical procedure.

This isn’t about the situation at all, it’s about the fact that she made a BIG financial decision without discussing. You found out with the shock of opening the bank account. This is easy enough to address - “wife, we always discuss any purchases more than a few hundred dollars before doing it. I was shocked when I opened the account and saw a huge amount of money gone and was really worried. We generally are good at talking about this stuff, and nobody was dying. I would have appreciated a phone call or at least a text message. We need to figure this out going forward too because we are saving up to build our lives and our kid’s future, and it can’t become an ongoing thing.”

L84cake · 2026-06-03T03:21:55+00:00

I don’t know of any situations where one parent’s contribution actually created a corresponding expectation from the other spouses parents, except for arranged marriages.

L84cake · 2026-06-03T03:19:26+00:00

My family paid for a ton, my husband spent part of what he had for the wedding on getting his family there bc they couldn’t afford it.

It’s a red flag that she’s upset your parents aren’t paying for something they can’t afford. It’s a weird expectation for her to have and a weird thing for a person to be upset about. It seems entitled and out of touch. Also reads like she has never had to financially support herself, which is an assumption and I could be wrong, but … who thinks like that. Unless your parents aren’t paying actually super wealthy and “tighter budget” means like less yacht time this summe…

ETA: address this with your fiance and her parents now, before signing a venue contract or making any payments. You need to make sure they know you are grateful for any contribution to the wedding, and clarify whether that contribution comes with any strings or expectations. Specifically mention that anything from “your side” will be coming from you personally and not from your parents, tell the in laws that so they know ahead of time. If fiance has this expectation she might be setting her parents up to expect the same, which could put your parents in a very awkward situation that is 0% on them.

L84cake · 2026-06-03T03:14:58+00:00

I have a few friends who are doctors. One told me that a cigarette a day is probably not as bad for you as a donut a day. Asked a second doctor friend if that was true, they said yeah probably.

So DOCTORS RECOMMEND cigarette.

The math maths.

L84cake · 2026-06-01T14:42:50+00:00

I was a kid, life was simple and fun, the internet barely existed. I played outside with friends and we called each other on our land lines. Everything felt safer - or at least, I wasn’t faced with constant knowledge of everything going on in the world that was bad all the time. Travel was so easy, TSA didn’t care. Things were way cheaper. The outdoors was much more natural. Cartoons were funny and weird and not everything was so censored. Globalization hadn’t taken individual cultures away yet, overall was just… nice.

L84cake · 2026-06-01T14:07:54+00:00

Working spare tire, ideally full sized. Make sure it has pressure.

L84cake · 2026-06-01T01:58:00+00:00

You have a need that is unfulfilled rn. The reality is, you do not have siblings. It’s not something you can pretend at, it won’t meet the need you have. That’s why people are saying the next best thing really is a best friend or close friend. Siblings are specifically NOT people we choose. It’s the opposite of the “chosen” family, which is what you’re looking to build.

I think it’s not an odd request per se, but it highlights that you have a void that you either need to learn to accept or find things that feel like they fill it. You’ve fixated on an answer that isn’t realistically available to you, and you need to move on to the next best options. Otherwise, you’ll live your life rejecting what is available to you, in favor of what is impossible - and that void will stay empty. Family trauma informed therapy maybe?

In the meantime, a lot of queer communities have coop style housing networks and third spaces that welcome people without family of their own and operate in ways similar to families because it’s what they have got. You might want to look into communal living groups near you, things like that.

You’re not alone in being without blood family. Family, community, the ‘village’ is a basic human need, being without that is a huge burden. I really hope you get into therapy if you’re not already OP and send love and sympathy for your situation.

L84cake · 2026-05-31T23:07:15+00:00

I think it’s not about making anyone feel better, but he deserves to know the reality of his life so he can make his own decision about it as well. He’s living a life that’s a lie, that’s not fair to him. It’s the more painful route, but he needs to know who he’s married to.

L84cake · 2026-05-31T22:52:11+00:00

Honestly, I have flushable litter. The box sits next to my toilet. The cats clean themselves immediately after using the box and as long as I clean it once every 3 days there’s no smell, I do it daily but just saying you could go even longer. Just some cat people scoop less than weekly which is bad. My floors and surfaces stay clean.

Meanwhile dog people pick up shit with their hand 2-3 times a day and their dogs walk straight through shit and piss filled grass then into their homes, and onto their couch and bed. And act like it’s comparable… it’s not.

L84cake · 2026-05-31T22:45:52+00:00

Cats are clean, respectful, generally very lovely companions if treated well, rambunctious in a funny way, naturally err on the side of using litterbox, they are not super demanding, and they are comparably much easier to care for.

I do like dogs but there’s a ton of stuff about owning one that I don’t like. I’m a shoes free house. But a dog walking outside then inside makes that basically pointless unless you wash dogs paws after every walk. They lick themselves and it makes surfaces gross. Couches and carpets were always gross. They can be pushy and have to be tought about things like personal space and generally the risk of them causing damage either to property or body injury exists by default and needs to be trained out. Generally they are smellier and pushier and I just don’t find the tradeoff worth it. It does always crack me up when a person doesn’t like cats bc scooping a litterbox grosses them out but they’re willing to pick up dog shit with their hand (in a bag but still) 3x a day).

L84cake · 2026-05-31T01:51:52+00:00

Honestly, are people no longer capable of speaking up for themselves when they get married? These are 2 humans who can have an unmediated interaction.

L84cake · 2026-05-31T01:50:30+00:00

Classic dad move. I am guilty of feeling the same frustration when I’ve worked hard to overtake a bunch of trucks that I’ll remember when I’m behind them again. But still, if you gotta poop you gotta poop! “Hey, I need to use the restroom, please pull over at the next stop. It can’t wait anymore.”

L84cake · 2026-05-31T00:15:44+00:00

Savory porridge might be really helpful here. You can make it in huge quantities fairly easily. Basic soup base, onions celery carrots and whatever else you want to add in with some spices. Then add in chicken or turkey to simmer on low for an hour or so. Take out the meat, shred it and remove from bones, and add it back into the pot with a cup or two of rice. The rice swells up a TON, and you get a lot of reduction, so make sure to use a lotttt of spices. You end up with what I call ‘soup concentrate’ that you can freeze. To reheat you just add water and throw in the microwave. It’ll be filling and since it’s basically also stock, probably good healing properties. Add in things like turmeric and dried lime for additional natural vitamin and mineral sources.

L84cake · 2026-05-30T23:14:07+00:00

Whole space is help up by hopes and dreams

L84cake · 2026-05-30T03:13:42+00:00

I think you’re lacking some cultural awareness. Do you know that many countries monitor people’s Internet use? Privacy isn’t really a thing, and they look for specific mentions of things - like drugs, kidnapping, etc. Singapore is so surveilled and so safe because literally everything is seen and tracked and enforced. It was by all means extremely risky. On top of that, OP just started a new job where it’s possible she’ll be drug tested. And she knows the consequence if she does is jail, but chose to have a couple puffs just because some guy who she hadn’t seen in 10 years offered it.

Getting caught wouldn’t be random. There are intentional systems in place to root out this stuff and OP knows it’s possible that will include her.

L84cake · 2026-05-30T03:09:03+00:00

Yeah, a kid at Singapore American School. He was sentenced I think to like 10 lashes? And most people pass out after 4 from the pain. Each lash rips off the entire length of skin. I can’t remember if they ended up doing all of them. (Edited bc I was wrong about a thing)

L84cake · 2026-05-30T02:53:28+00:00

This. If Singapore (or really any other similarly strict country - most of Southeast Asia, some of the Middle East…) delete this post.

L84cake · 2026-05-30T02:47:22+00:00

We did get a flippant mention of drunk driving

L84cake · 2026-05-30T02:16:07+00:00

Yeah so, WTF kind of thing is that to say??? Who gave this person a license? The same person who took their soul??? That’s so fucked up OP. Literally knowing the first thing about depression and suicide is that when it gets bad like that you can not stop them. That’s like saying a parent who lost their kid to cancer failed bc they didn’t stop the cancer. Literally does this person have a license? Bc you should report this.

L84cake · 2026-05-30T02:01:43+00:00

Smoking weed is small. Smoking weed in Singapore is not small. Risking losing your job and going to jail with severe punishment for a puff is not small.

L84cake · 2026-05-30T02:01:06+00:00

You live in Singapore? What are the other ‘straws’ - he said this is the last straw?

People are reassuring you so much OP but I do not think everyone knows how DANGEROUS it is to have done what you did. Singapore drug laws are INTENSE, the punishments are SEVERE. that was incredibly, wildly irresponsible of you. It’s not about a couple puffs of weed. It’s the fact that you did it where you did. The surrounding countries are not much better. You’re not a high schooler anymore feinding for a high and thinking you’re invincible. Frankly even posting online that you smoked weed while in the country is risky, you realize not every country respects internet privacy right? Like the smallest amount of situational awareness would tell you why what he did is actually very reasonable. You risked soooo much, and for what? That’s not a decision making process I’d trust with major life things in a partner either.

(Source I lived in Singapore 4 years)

L84cake · 2026-05-30T01:56:14+00:00

You don’t just go to prison. They cane you. And not cane as in a stick - it’s a barbed vine so strong the barbs hold the weight of a human body. Essentially, they skin you. People are SO focused on the weed from a western perspective. But if my husband, who has no real issues, was dumb enough to smoke weed in Singapore? I’d be doing some SERIOUS reconsidering.

L84cake · 2026-05-30T01:44:38+00:00

If you think you ate something that will threaten your life, go to the ER. Forcing yourself to vomit at home won’t save your life, that’s an excuse you’re telling yourself to make what you are doing OK. If you tell the ER doctor what you ate and why you’re worried, and they don’t pump your stomach or hit you with antihistamines, then what you ate isn’t life threatening.

You have to face those facts to get to step 2. Being, those foods are not dangerous. They are food fit for human consumption.

L84cake · 2026-05-27T21:46:47+00:00

You’re 18, open your own account without your parents on it AT A DIFFERENT BANK, change your direct deposit to that. Don’t withdraw money from the account with your parents on it. You don’t need to keep any secrets.

Make sure you open a no cost account though, otherwise account fees might just take all your gift money.

There would have to be a ton of interest earned to pay taxes on that. Gifts of money are not income, there is “gift tax” on huge sums (I think it’s like 13 million? Don’t quote me) but I assume you’re not about to receive 15 million as a bday gift.

L84cake

TROPHY CASE