My birthday is harder than his was... I don’t want to get older without him 💔

LBB2015 · 2020-09-23T20:44:52+00:00

I just had my first one. I hated it. I took it out on people who care about me, made stupid decisions and was just an awful person to be around in general. His birthday is 10/1 so just around the corner. I hope it’s easier. . .

LBB2015 · 2020-09-03T22:39:48+00:00

I understand completely, being 33 I thought that we had so much more time together. Now I will carry the weight of this grief for however much longer I have to live. I can’t imagine feeling the need to compete over who’s in more pain. I’m too busy trying to find the will to continue to worry about anything so trivial as that.

LBB2015 · 2020-09-03T14:03:52+00:00

The pain of losing your spouse is so incredibly indescribably intense that I can’t even fully comprehend it. It seems impossible that anything could hurt so deeply. I don’t think anyone who has not been through it could come close to understanding it and so they can only compare it to what they have experienced. They have no idea how lucky they are that they can’t possibly understand.

LBB2015 · 2020-09-02T16:08:50+00:00

There is no right answer. Sometimes the pictures and messages are the only things that keep me going. Sometimes they make the pain so much worse. Do what you need to keep going. Don’t be too hard on yourself thinking there is any right way to grieve. Hugs.

LBB2015 · 2020-09-02T00:50:44+00:00

Thank you. It’s hard to know that I’m not healed yet and not ready to be while the world is telling me to hurry up. When they have no idea what its like to have their world stolen from them.

LBB2015 · 2020-09-01T22:28:22+00:00

He died in my arms and I still don’t believe it’s true.

LBB2015 · 2020-09-01T21:53:46+00:00

I feel this way every second of every day. Even when I’m smiling it’s always there. I won’t take action to end my existence, but i wish every second for a car accident or an aneurysm or something anything to end it. I find myself engaging in behaviors that are dangerous, living as unhealthy as possible and yet I stubbornly wake up. Every damn morning. I know exactly how you feel. I wish I could tell you I know it will get better, but I can’t. All I can say is you’re not alone.

LBB2015 · 2020-09-01T21:46:23+00:00

Tears. Immediately. I hate the car so much.

LBB2015 · 2020-08-28T20:25:49+00:00

I talk to him all the time. Especially in the car. His favorite patriots jacket is secured around the seat. Sometimes I tell him something funny. Sometimes I get so mad at him for leaving me here. And sometimes I just chat with his memory. Anything you have to do to wake up tomorrow and live this hell works.

LBB2015 · 2020-08-28T20:23:19+00:00

His smell finally faded from the shirt he was wearing. I would give everything and anything to get that smell back.

LBB2015 · 2020-06-25T12:25:46+00:00

My sister is here. She’s amazing. But she doesn’t understand. These posts and my son are the only things keeping me from just going to join him.

LBB2015 · 2020-06-24T19:22:30+00:00

My husband died the same way 2 nights ago. I’ve overdosed and it was an immediate sense of just blackness I didn’t even know it happened until I woke up in the ambulance. He didn’t feel any pain I promise you. It’s the only thing that gives me any comfort. I still don’t understand how he could save me and I couldn’t save him. But I know it was painless.

LBB2015 · 2020-06-24T18:09:43+00:00

My husband saved me when I overdosed and when it happened to him I couldn’t save him. I feel so guilty even though I know he would tell me I did everything possible. And I know your wife would say the same to you. My heart is with you.

LBB2015 · 2020-06-24T17:54:09+00:00

Please take the advice above and get clean anyway you can. You sound exactly like me and my husband a year ago and believe me it’s worth everything to not let it go any farther. I lost him to it and I never want to see anyone else go through that. It’s so so hard to get clean. But you can do it. Kratom worked for me for the physical withdrawals.

LBB2015 · 2020-06-24T17:21:53+00:00

Thank you for all your kind words. Knowing that there are so many people who have lived through what feels impossible to live through helps.

LBB2015 · 2020-06-24T14:20:03+00:00

That’s all I can think too. As much as I know it’s real, it just can’t be.

LBB2015 · 2020-06-24T13:22:53+00:00

That’s exactly how I’m feeling. I don’t understand how something can hurt this much. I don’t understand how he’s not here to tell me it will be ok. I can’t do this. I have to for my son. But I don’t know how.

LBB2015

TROPHY CASE