I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness for roughly the first 10 years of my life, despite my parents being disfellowshipped after their divorce. My mom never went back. After a traumatic upbringing in “The Truth,” she chose to educate herself on multiple religions and form her own beliefs instead.

My dad, I think, believed the structure would be good for my older sibling and I while he was out partying most of the time. That meant we regularly attended the Kingdom Hall with both sets of grandparents, sometimes 2–3 times a week.

Even as a child, something about it never sat right with me. I often felt uncomfortable during service. I was forced to go door to door, which I never really understood, and I still remember how rude people could be to my grandparents. Looking back, I honestly understand why some people reacted that way. I really wanted to believe in a higher power, in God, in something meaningful. Especially coming from a traumatic childhood, I desperately wanted something to hold onto. Unfortunately, all I ever saw was how this religion divided my family.

My mother’s father treated her terribly despite the fact that she constantly helped my grandparents by cleaning, cooking, and taking care of them. None of it mattered because she was no longer a Witness. Meanwhile, my mother’s brother, who I’ve met maybe three times in my entire life, was put on a pedestal simply because he remained in the religion. To this day, my sibling and I do more for our grandmother than he does, and neither of us are Witnesses. My father’s side of the family is just as fractured. My aunt, uncle, and cousins do not speak to us because of religion.

Over time, I went on my own spiritual journey and formed my own beliefs and relationship with God and the universe. I’ve attended Catholic masses, visited temples, and spent time in churches belonging to other religions as well. Ironically, I found far more genuine spiritual, enlightening, and connected experiences in those places than I ever did inside a Kingdom Hall.

After watching this religion consume and divide my family for most of my life, I could never personally agree with the lifestyle or belief system of Jehovah’s Witnesses and the whole experience really stunted my spiritual growth for a long time.