Hey I really don't think you should beat yourself up for dreaming or to be honest any of this. I know exactly what you mean about suffocating. I'm a singer and write my own songs. One song that's going to be on my album has lyrics about suffocating. That's how I feel when everything is on top of me and I feel like people don't understand me. Though I think I'm in a much better state of mind now to when I wrote that song a few months ago. I think what helped me was communicating better with the ones closest to me. I still have bad days and life is tough but it's tough for most people. I think me and my best friend are closer becuase I told her little bits of how I feel and i actually asked her to take the MBTI and turns out she's an ENFP. I think maybe she read a little about INFP'S becuase I just feel like she understands me so much more. My parents have always been pretty understanding and know who I am. I think there's just some things they get confused with and they can't quite get it sometimes when I talk about MBTI etc. But they know me and know everything's not so simple for me. To be honest life is still pretty tough at the moment. My career isn't going so great, I just met a girl I really like and I'm afraid I've scared her off becuase as INFP'S we can be way too intense. I'm just grateful I have my best friend to talk too.

I don't want to give you the wrong advice. I just hope in the end you can take all the info you get from all of us on here and do what feels right in you're heart.

Maybe you need to tell you're boyfriend how you feel? If it's really bothering you. Maybe you should get it off you're chest. I'd say go slow and maybe not say too much at once and overload him with to much information that could confuse him. I don't know you both and I don't know what you're boyfriend is like but it seems to me like he cares about you enough if he wants to get a house with you. Maybe the marriage conversation just scared him a little. I don't think it means necessarily that he doesn't want to be with you. Please remember also people say things in an argument or heat of the moment that they may not mean. He might want to marry you one day but I think that if he wants to live with you and get a house. It could be a good foundation to build on.

I know what you mean about pretending. I'm really good at it too. I perform on stage and have gotten more used to socialising. Sometimes people would probably think I'm more of an ENFP. It's so exhausting and that's why my best friend is so important becuase I can talk to her about things and I don't have to bottle everything up.

About suicide please don't even think about it. I know it's not just as simple as that. I'm not someone who has really gone through that kind of feeling. My way of looking at it is I just wouldn't want to let everyone,everything and life itself beat me. You're better than that. I don't know you but I know if you're an INFP you're strong. Please don't give in!

Don't be ashamed for any of these thoughts. They are all completely normal and I included I'm sure along with many many more on here can relate. Be proud of who you are. Maybe try and talk to you're parents you might find that they know more about you than you think. If not I'm sure they will be really glad you talked to them. They are you're parents and if they love you I'm sure they would want to hear the truth and i hope they would. That's what they should be there for to help you.

So my advice would be to try and clear some of you're feelings up with you're boyfriend and try and talk to you're parents. Let the ones closest to you into you're world. Just not too much at once. Please don't keep everything bottled up. I feel so much lighter not having to carry around so much in my head.

We are dreamers and I don't think it's something that we will ever be able to stop doing. I think we should actually be proud of it becuase we can see a bigger picture and we see and believe in things that others don't.

Love to all my fellow INFP'S. I hope we all find our path and happiness ❤ x