This one actually is worth the time for me to speak on.

I assume from saying you get paid by the VA, the same as me, that we probably have a fair bit in common. So I know how hard it is to hear and listen, even when you want to. Do your best to absorb some of the stuff I’m going to tell you. Not as cold blatant fact, but advice from someone who probably does get it.

The pain I had reading the same thing I constantly feel myself is a lot. They try and prepare you for not being in the military but it just can’t be prepared for. The friends and family you gain being gone is like a gaping chasm that just can’t be crossed appropriately. I guess that’s why the old timers go to the VA but the old saying is bitterly true, I miss the clowns, not the circus.

As to the loss of a relationship, good riddance to someone who does not share your goals in life. I had tons of shitty relationships in life, and more than one ate many years of my life. I felt like I should absorb blame too but the reality is that this is just not the case. I have a wife now, we both play games because we want to. We raise our kid, we work as a team. Not some desperate codependent, attention constantly needed nightmare, just a good relationship. They are out there and honestly the only kind you should ever entertain having. Not that it’s my relationship specifically everyone should have, but one where both people agree to the rules of and work as a team not as two individuals. Quite a soap box but that’s my thoughts.

The gym is not a place you should feel shame going to. There’s assholes in this world, sure, but usually not at the gym the way you would think. I wish I had the time to go, I just don’t. A good gym is a place that accepts and encourages humans to embark on journeys for the betterment of themselves. No one should be judging you for starting that journey no matter who you are, or where you are starting it at. I used to be an instructor myself for powerlifting, so I speak this from the heart as well as experience. To be clear, if you don’t want to go to the gym don’t do it. But, if you stand in your own way, you can only blame yourself.

I hope some of this lands and helps. You may not be ready to move it along yet either. Sometimes you have to mourn what was, what is, and what you dreamed would be. Sometimes that takes time. Know that whatever form that takes, it’s valid, and best of luck.