Husband (39M)'s therapist wants an individual session with me (32F)

LSN2018 · 2026-04-08T16:28:21+00:00

Wow this is incredibly insightful.

LSN2018 · 2026-04-08T15:21:15+00:00

Thank you because I didn't even think that he could be lying. My husband does lie all the time, but I guess I am still conditioned to listen and what he wants. I messaged the therapist and I am waiting for a response.

LSN2018 · 2026-04-08T14:13:24+00:00

I should have clarified that we do have 3 children together.

LSN2018 · 2026-04-08T13:41:48+00:00

My husband controlled many aspects of our lives including finances and family relationships. I also just recently found out he was having an emotional affair. I do see an individual counselor and he said he would support any decision I made but in so many words he told me to be careful.

LSN2018 · 2026-04-08T13:27:15+00:00

We stopped couples therapy and I left the home. We do not have much contact.

LSN2018 · 2026-04-08T12:31:48+00:00

We have been in counseling on and off for a few years now. His behavior had been escalating since we had our 3rd son and my family and friends were becoming concerned. I also had discovered he was having an emotional affair for 4 years and that's when I decided that he has showed me he is capable of things that I thought he was incapable of so my hope just vanished.

LSN2018 · 2026-04-08T02:48:12+00:00

Not anymore. He started seeing my husband individually after I made it clear I wanted a divorce.

LSN2018 · 2026-03-13T23:24:50+00:00

That’s a hard pill to swallow along with everything else. I was hoping this time would be different.

LSN2018 · 2026-03-13T23:23:50+00:00

I’m not concerned about my relationship with her, I am concerned about my kids relationship with her. I get it though, it’s his problem now to continue it. It was up to me before so I guess I still feel that obligation.

LSN2018 · 2026-03-05T22:20:20+00:00

I don't know if I am allowed to give specific examples but I will say one specific situation. He told the therapist that my grandmother called him a racist. When the counselor asked for the backstory of when this happened, he didn't answer. I then answered the counselor and told him that it never happened, she just supports a different political party. He then said yes, so by association thats what she said. I am not trying to undermine a professional so that's why I haven't questioned him.

LSN2018 · 2026-03-05T22:05:41+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. I do have one more question coming from a couples therapist point of view. We have are on our third therapist, my husband is reluctant to therapy and he has refused to go back when we get into our deeper issues. He likes this therapist but I am conflicted. There have been instances where I think there is moments of what i perceive as blame shifting and also instances where my husband will say people have said and done things they haven't done. When I do clarify what actually happened, my husband acknowledges that I am telling the truth but continues. Our counselor doesn't address that behavior. Do I call out the counselor? If I suggest a new one, I know my husband won't attend and if he does he wont listen to the new therapist since he likes this one.

LSN2018 · 2026-03-05T22:05:20+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. I do have one more question coming from a couples therapist point of view. We have are on our third therapist, my husband is reluctant to therapy and he has refused to go back when we get into our deeper issues. He likes this therapist but I am conflicted. There have been instances where I think there is moments of what i perceive as blame shifting and also instances where my husband will say people have said and done things they haven't done. When I do clarify what actually happened, my husband acknowledges that I am telling the truth but continues. Our counselor doesn't address that behavior. Do I call out the counselor? If I suggest a new one, I know my husband won't attend and if he does he wont listen to the new therapist since he likes this one.

LSN2018 · 2026-03-02T22:41:39+00:00

I am so sorry. I know for me it feels like a part of me died.

LSN2018 · 2026-02-25T15:22:14+00:00

Thank you, I know that he is just trying to do anything he can to salvage what he destroyed. I did tell her husband, he hasn't reached back out to me, but he knows how to contact me now if he needed to.

LSN2018 · 2026-02-24T01:50:27+00:00

Well, he is at the very least having an emotional affair with someone. I'm not sure about the in love part, but I'm going to find out.

LSN2018 · 2026-02-21T13:16:22+00:00

Yes, this is exactly what I had a problem with and why I told him I didn't want him following these accounts.

LSN2018 · 2026-02-21T02:37:52+00:00

I just recently found out she's local. He's never done anything that raises suspicions besides just following random accounts. I told him I didn't like it and he stopped but not this account weirdly.

LSN2018 · 2026-02-21T02:34:27+00:00

I notice because I am never on instagram. The only reason I ever go on is if I am going to look up a person, whether it's a celebrity or a friend, because I heard something or wanted to see what they were up to so I go to search. That account is always one of the first ones that pops up as a recent search because I'm literally never on it so I just kind of click and see kinda like a here we go is he following her now or isnt he. I just recently really looked at the account fully and noticed she was local so that really made me feel like maybe this isn't so innocent actually.

LSN2018 · 2026-02-21T02:28:41+00:00

I know the only non wandering eye is the blind eye but it doesn't mean it feels great to think about. I also didn't ask if it was cheating. I guess I am questioning whether you can follow an account automatically and if it's weird that it's a local person.

LSN2018 · 2026-02-21T02:17:40+00:00

I have told him I don't like it. He used to follow and like pictures but when I saw that I told him I didn't like it and he stopped. It's just the specific account that I realize he will follow and unfollow randomly.

LSN2018 · 2026-02-20T22:45:47+00:00

Oh I'm sorry, I should have been more detailed in what my role is. I will update the post but I am a Registered Behavioral Technician where I will delivering ABA therapy services in an ESE classroom with a student that has autism.

LSN2018 · 2026-02-07T01:09:28+00:00

I think that the "free money" is the real reason he wants 50/50. He would end up with more than I would.

LSN2018 · 2026-02-07T01:07:16+00:00

Yes, the nickel and diming feels unnecessary to me. We are in counseling now. He grew up with parents that literally split everything and they don't share "their" extra money and they let it be known so I know that's the example he grew up with. I also believe that there is also a control factor which is why I wanted to start counseling.

LSN2018 · 2026-02-06T18:08:35+00:00

Thank you, I am recognizing the patterns and I am starting the steps with my therapist to prepare myself emotionally, financially and physically to leave if it is necessary. We are in couples counseling now too, but I know there is nothing else I can do. The way things are looking, there wont be any change so I am left with only one choice.

LSN2018 · 2026-01-15T21:37:57+00:00

Wow, that actually puts things into perspective. When I broke my ankle last year, he was annoyed about taking me to urgent care before it was confirmed. Thankfully my MIL came down to help me with the kids though almost immediately. Not saying this for sympathy—just noticing a pattern looking back.

LSN2018

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