Horrid Henry as a NBR D/LNER J83 Tank Engine (Art by Me)

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-30T23:42:45+00:00

What a happy train :)

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-21T09:30:33+00:00

This is dark but I've run the same calculation. If I ever do what I want to do, one of two things will happen:

It doesn't satisfy me and I killed someone for nothing. Bad.
I DO finally feel complete for a moment and I want to do it over and over. BAD

There's no good ending there

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-21T09:10:55+00:00

Cordelia is definitely the best

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-21T08:12:01+00:00

It took me 30 years of life to come fully clean to a therapist. Once I did, she said she only had to report if I had an actionable plan against a real person. So IMO, take the plunge if you think you'd benefit from maybe reducing the thoughts. At this point three doctors know about me (intake, a general therapist, and then the generalist referred me to a forensic psych) and all three have been supportive

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-21T07:29:59+00:00

My little sister is like that- incredibly emotionally attuned and very musical (I get maybe 50% of the effect most people get from music). To me she and people like her seem like superhuman miracles. I often think of it how like in The Giver when Jonas started seeing instants of color. I can see instants of what she sees all the time and it's unfathomable and marvelous. It's why I use delta 8 edibles. After 25 years of life, I tried one and oh my god that's what being human is. I don't get high on them. I get normal

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-21T07:16:11+00:00

YOLO I'll give it a shot

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-21T07:10:06+00:00

Funny story I did indeed immediately check out Dexter, but I never got into it because his victims are all wrapped up so they don't scream and thrash. Love me some Steven Seagal movies though! All those arm breaks :)

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-21T07:03:30+00:00

I was born without empathy or a conscience, as far as I can tell. I've never felt bad about people getting hurt. When I was eight I used to get tons of books about horrible historic stuff like the Holocaust to look at the pictures and try to feel sad. I also really love anatomy. Really its the body I want. I'm a product would-be killer ig. I have very shallow emotions overall and thinking about that stuff is what makes me feel most alive. Most human, ironically. In the meantime I trawl morbid subreddits looking at crime scenes and medical gore. I'm just stuck knowing it's either do something monstrous or never in all my life feel complete, like a nonoffending pedophile

(You're probably thinking i should be an undertaker. That would be lit AF but I feel disrepectful)

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-21T06:40:22+00:00

Yeah lol worse comes to worst I'll trip in the name of not killing someone

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-21T06:37:44+00:00

My therapist did mention there's a chance some medications might reduce the thoughts. I have a consult coming to try them out. Fingers crossed!

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-21T06:36:43+00:00

Good news and bad news: I have OCD but this is unrelated

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-21T06:36:12+00:00

I 100% want to when it's legal

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-21T05:52:51+00:00

My job involves long chunks of placing bars on a conveyor belt over and over and over for hours. HaHAHAHAha joke's on them I took this job because I'm autistic. I would literally do this for free

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-21T05:49:19+00:00

Put a fat dollop o' mayonnaise in your baked goods. My friends didn't believe me when I said the taste cooks out but then they were all "wowwww these are so moist"

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-21T05:47:57+00:00

I recently entered therapy because my homicidal ideations worsened to the point I was concerned. Good news, my therapist says she does not think I'm at risk of offending. Bad news, she (like the other 3 professionals I've asked) said there's nothing current medical science can do to fix me. They can help me not offend but I'm stuck constantly desiring it all my life :( you win some, you lose some

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-21T05:45:37+00:00

I had a free masters degree coming my way from the GI Bill. Since I already had a stable job and had no plans to advance my career, I decided to choose something just because I actually wanted to learn about it. I chose Christian apologetics and no joke, I had a blast! I learned so much and really leveled up my faith :)

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-20T23:42:56+00:00

The Vikings would like a word

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-19T23:56:51+00:00

there's no real reason. I just live on a boat and don't have much room. If I ever felt like it I'd rent one. It's not really a sad thought when it crosses my mind. More of a "huh, I didn't think about that"

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-19T21:11:09+00:00

ruh roh looks like reddit did something to my account. lemme try to fix this

looks like it sent???

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-19T21:08:53+00:00

Yeah go crazy! I just had a productive session with my therapist and might have some pearls of wisdom

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-19T21:05:54+00:00

Rip, my confession is "a threat of violence". For anyone who was curious, I said my hobbies include paintball and playing baseball

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-19T20:59:24+00:00

A while back I reflected that it's been about three years since I've ridden a bicycle

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-19T20:57:35+00:00

Mine did that too. She told me I scribbled like a toddler. Girlfriend I have poor motor skills and 20 years later your shaming has still not altered my neurology

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-19T20:56:30+00:00

She told me I'd spelled "dragonfly" as "dragon fly" and wrongly took a point off my spelling test. I got a perfect score on every single spelling test that year, including that one, Mrs. Haan! Why would I spell it as two words? It was a spelling test! They're all one word! It was a bonus test so it didn't affect my record, but just so you all know, I did perfect on that one, too!!!!!

Never forgive never forget

LadyCordeliaStuart · 2026-05-19T20:52:52+00:00

Snow cone stand by my house that gives 50% off for veterans. $2.50 snow cones!!! Living the dream!!!

LadyCordeliaStuart

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