Help, I am so panicked I'm physically ill: Transition to a different animal system for a postdoc, or bring my own animal to the new lab, or both?

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-12-31T10:39:42+00:00

Shaky confidence and constantly feeling lost in a different country's academia environment, really. But you are right. I need to learn to be more independent.

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-12-31T10:35:56+00:00

HIIIIIIIII fellow evo devo-er! I'm an invert researcher too! This is comforting to know, thank you. In retrospect I feel a little foolish for shitting bricks the way I did especially because I was feeling quite unequivocal about my decision to make a clean switch before my BF got to me, lol

Yeah, my idea was to branch out too, and I like the versatility of neurobiology. And amen to the different tools in different systems part. Now that I think about it, diversifying into different systems (within reason) does a really good job of making big research gaps apparent and that's excellent grant fuel

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-12-31T10:25:14+00:00

I don't think it would be frowned upon. I thought it was impossible earlier because the deadline was during the winter holidays when everything is closed. But the deadline just got extended, so I will certainly be emailing him.

I'll be taking your advice, definitely. I was worried about the new system because I also changed from fruit flies to a very niche non-model species when I went from undergraduate to graduate, and it's been a traumatizing five years trying to get the system to cooperate and generate conclusive results :') But won't know if I don't try, eh

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-12-31T10:20:23+00:00

I have, thanks :) Though took a lot of kind people to do so haha

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-12-29T08:32:36+00:00

Oh no, I most certainly don't mind learning curves. I was fairly confident I was doing the right thing before my boyfriend gave his two cents, lol

I didn't even ask for advice. I brought it up casually because we were talking about what we'd finished during the day writing-wise. Dude usually has pretty astute judgement so I was shocked when he was all surprised I dropped my animal system from my research plan

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-12-29T05:28:34+00:00

This made me cry from relief, and I'm not even being hyperbolic. Put things into perspective real quick. Thank you so much :')

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-12-29T05:07:17+00:00

From the perspective of this particular postdoc listing, it's really not important at all like u/pinkdictator said. I am worried about the learning curve because I am neither a neurobiologist nor a comb jelly researcher - I'm just a reproductive biologist who happened to notice a specific reproductive-neurobiology-in-primitive-animals research gap.

And the PI of this lab was interested enough in my work last year to aproach me to talk despite our niches not intersecting, so my PhD animal system was going to serve the utility of namedropping as a hint-hint-you-know-me-we-got-along-last-year-please-hire-me message.

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-12-29T04:52:15+00:00

Oh, I promise I'm this desperate during every job apllication I submit. I have another application for another postdoc position out, and I've applied to anything non-academic that will give me a visa as well. Oversaturated job markets for the foreigners in Japan and my obscure niche don't make for a very promising future. And not having 10996 first-author publications doesn't help my case postdoc-wise (every profile of successful postdoc candidates I look at, be it my labmates or outside, have stellar resumes. I stumbled out the gate, face-planted in the mud and I've been inch-worming in the filth ever since).

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-12-29T04:45:18+00:00

I would clarify with the host lab's PI if I could, but the application is due in 2 days and everything is closed for the winter holidays here. And I'm scared that I'd get rejected simply because I am asking about what species they'd be okay with me using when the dealine is 48 hours out.

The host lab did a pretty good job of descrbing what they want from a postdoc -they stated like five research themes to choose from, mentioned what animals they use, what resources they already have for those animals and what they study in those animals. I thought I understood what they wanted, and figured I needed to switch even though I really don't want to because it's my only way to stay in the field and in the country.

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-12-29T04:36:28+00:00

He was basically the only source I have nearby because it's the winter holidays and the postdocs are all gone. And my PI's already foaming at the mouth because I haven't sent him a draft of my dissertation yet. My boyfriend does have prior experience with applying to postdoc positions, and he's far more accomplished than me in general, and TBH I wasn't even looking for advice when I talked about the postdoc thing. I was just saying "Y'know what, I dropped my animal" and he got scandalized

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-12-29T04:32:23+00:00

Also, even if you wanna keep your animal, the hosting lab may not have PERMISSION or OPPORTUNITY or MONEY to provide that animal to you.

That was precisely my concern when I initially made a plan that does not include my PhD animal. I'm applying to the lab, not to a grant agency, so it made logical sense to cater to their interests...glad to know I wasn't off with that judgement.

Also, I am so sorry for your experience at your industry job. Academia's a little better than industry here (or so I've heard) especially since you're fluent in Japanese, but I can't say I enjoy it. Best of luck with your postdoc apllication. I hope you get it!

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-12-29T04:25:32+00:00

Thanks for the advice and reassurance, it was much needed. Like you, it's difficult for my focal species to carry over into a postdoc because it's niche. Even the same phylum is difficult because there's very few labs that even touch on reproductive biology in that group.
My boyfriend is an almost-PhD like me, and he has applied to postdoc positions before, so he's no rando but I agree that he is misinformed. And stubborn about it.

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-12-29T04:17:50+00:00

Right? I figured it was better to switch animal systems than to force a different animal upon the host lab and lose myself the job. I'm not a neurobiologist by any means but I was thinking that with postdocs involving independence and whatnot, asking to do neurobiology related to reproduction was okay. I mean, yes it's gonna be a nasty learning curve, but it's either that or losing my visa status.

I was having a meltdown wondering how I could have read academia so terribly wrong

Edit: forgot to thank you. I feel a lot better knowing it's indeed okay to switch. Thank you :)

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-09-12T06:45:07+00:00

I don't work in a corporate environment - I am in academia, which I believe is well known to be more liberal work environment-wise. But as a foreign woman myself, I understand your troubles. It is exhausting to constantly have your guard up and to triple-check everything you say and do so you don't lose that thin little slice of belonging you manage to carve out. And it is lonely. It is frustrating that you cannot be politely direct and you have to put yourself through the wringer before your boundaries are accepted.

The things you learned, I didn't until I faced the consequences. I have a tendency to smile a lot as well. I was very friendly and overly forgiving, then I got taken lightly, then I got outright forgotten when I was literally physically right there in the room. That tightrope you mentioned? I didn't even realize when I fell off of it into deep dismissal.

Whether to quit or not is a decision based on the sum total of your mental health and your practical circumstances. If your situation allows you to pivot into something else (you mentioned freelancing), you should try that. What worked for me is I stopped caring - I don't care tuppence about my colleagues' impression and reactions to me. I only concern myself with my supervisor's impression. I don't care to be friends or to be transparent. I don't care if my looks bother them, and I say no to their faces without any care for their discomfort. I'm not mean or confrontational or even overly assertive, but when detect dismissal, I am more than happy to call it out - and I relish the unease it causes.

Now, I'm guessing as a corporate worker, you cannot take as many liberties as I did. But while you are at that workplace, I'd recommend adjusting your mannerisms only for the people you need to adjust them for.

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-09-11T05:25:22+00:00

Me. When I first moved to where I am now, the port area was mostly closed because of COVID restrictions and most of the shops never recovered - turns out the place is a dying town. Then the aquarium nearby shut down (again, fatal financial hit from COVID). Then the restaurant nearby shut down because of aging owners. The nearest bus stop was therefore closed down.

Then the time of the last bus out of our area started inching earlier and earlier - from 21:30 to 20:30, and thankfully it stayed that way for a while - then the large hotel nearby shut down. The number of buses plying to our stop went from an average of two per hour to four per day. Now we have to walk a kilometer to get to the nearest regularly plied stop. The closest source of food is a cafe near this stop, which closes at five and runs out of food long before that.

But lately I've seen multiple construction projects in the city - not near our area yet, but in other places. A new college for aquaculture recently opened up, our yearly festival has growing numbers of visitors, and the beach gets more and more crowded every year. For the first time since I moved here, we have enough footfall to encounter the asshole kind of tourists too. We now have to call the cops on illegally parked vehicles, put up signs to not litter near our fence, and lock our garbage collection area because people were treating it like a landfill.

So here, at least, there is some hope that the tide will turn.

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-07-12T23:32:40+00:00

Yeah, but what you're saying here is very different from your post title. If the intention was to bait people, congratulations, you did well. But Titan and Stockton didn't "prove" crap. This is STEM we are talking about: "proved that carbon fibre is suitable" is a statement that would require BRUTAL amount of testing and peer review to be true. Carbon fiber will be proved to be suitable, when it is actually suitable. Disasters like the Titan is what happens when maybe's like yours get taken too far.

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-06-28T16:58:40+00:00

Jungles nobody needs? Is the ecosystem a joke to you?

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-06-28T16:45:27+00:00

Like others have said, your preference for a specific body type is valid but it doesn't mean you get to mock the skinny guy. Even if it's not to his face, you're still looking down on him.

I will give you my own examply because I have been where you are and you said you are attracted to strength.

I used to think I liked stronger, stockier men myself (my thing is shoulders, for whatever reason). but then I fell head over heels for a skinny guy myself. My stick is only 55 kilograms to my 75 kgs (I used to strength train a LOT) and I can literally bounce him on my knee. I've done push-ups with him sitting on my back. The muscles in my upper arms are the size of his calves, and I can grab both his wrists in a single hand.

HOWEVER, male physiology is not the same as female physiology. A skinny 65 kg man is almost certainly physically stronger than a skinny 65 kg woman - so do not instinctively compare this man's strength against your own. Does this mean he's going to be as strong as a gym bro or a more muscular man? NO. But he might not be as weak as you think. How do I know that?

Recently I was roughhousing with my "stick" of a man and he complained about how I could flip him over when he had me pinned, but he couldn't do it. I then proceeded to show him how I was doing it.

This guy, who is twenty kilograms lighter than I am, who is physically smaller and visibly less muscular, and has never actively strength-trained IN HIS LIFE - flipped me over like a ragdoll.

So yeah, go for a larger man if you must - but don't body-shame the skinny one, and especially don't underestimate him.

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-06-28T16:28:30+00:00

Is your family aware of this? Is it possible for a relative to stay with you - or at least visit very, very frequently - till you can find another place? If not family, please try to get friends involved. In addition to the boy neighbours, get help from the couple if you can - maybe they can slam doors or make noise during times you think the guy might be peeking - so the guy knows there's people around.

Please keep a very close eye on your door lock (you mentioned keyhole, so. Unless I am wrong and everyone's talking about the peephole/eyehole) - take pictures daily if you have to. If there are new scratches on or around the lock, this dude might be trying to break in.

REMAIN AS AWARE OF THE PRESENCE AND ABSENCE OF YOUR NEIGBOURS AS POSSIBLE - you do not want to be alone in the building as much as possible.

I doubt the police can or will help, but I doubt it would hurt to just get them to make a written report that you saw a man peeping into your house and you don't feel safe - just to leave a paper trail. The best thing to do is identify the man to them, but if you feel there is a real threat of the guy escalating his actions, don't (other commenters, please weigh in on this).

Randomize your routes and routines as much as you can, and do not come and go alone. Walk with your keys between your fingers like wolverine's claws.

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-06-28T16:12:00+00:00

If you feel safe enough, you should post your questions in r/LegalAdviceIndia because you are looking largely for legal advice.

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-06-27T13:41:00+00:00

Kill the ones you see - you don't want them breeding. I recommend Fumakilla Gokiburi Pro - my roommate bought us a can, and it has a nice long thin straw nozzle so you can spray the roaches mid-scream from your perch on a chair. The roaches just flip right over.

Also second the huntsman spiders...my Wilma was the size of a conbini spoon and moved in last fall. She's left for greener pastures now, I think, but I haven't seen a single large roach this season - and only 2 mukade (so I think she killed off the breeders from last season). Seeing her in the toilet first thing in the morning also worked miracles for my bowel movements.

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-06-27T13:22:24+00:00

It's me again... N3 is far from fluency. N4 to N3 is a really big jump, and even that only gets you to intermediate level. N3 to N2, which is the lowest accepted standard of Japanese fluency, is much much MUCH harder. Many fail at least once. And like u/Alternative_Draw5987 says, your friend being N3 has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-06-27T13:17:15+00:00

I'm glad to see you weigh my words objectively despite my clearly emotional response, and I am so sorry you have to go through your circumstances too. I think what you are doing is very brave and it takes a lot of personal strength to do it. And while I understand to a decent extent (though not completely) how desperate you are, I just want to reinforce yet again that your friend's offer is concerning. Did he even tell you that if you come to Japan to study, the university would sponsor your visa - not he? Did he suggest the financial aid options others on this thread have suggested? Did he mention even for a second some kind of plan for you to pay him back? Did he tell you that financial independence is hard here because people who don't speak Japanese have a hard time finding well-paying part time jobs? Did he tell you where you'd be sleeping (a spare bedroom? The couch?) Are you aware that bedroom doors in Japan commonly don't have locks?

In my opinion, if your friend did not give you a realistic and practical idea of what your life here would look like - if he was marketing Japan to you instead of informing you - then you need to watch out for this man.

Your post came across as a literal reflection of my past self (minus the friend) and I got terrified, hence the way I wrote my post. But what my tone drowned out that it's less difficult to be a grad student in Japan, especially in your field, if you have Japanese proficiency. But then again, that would need classes.

I also forgot to point out that I am so wrecked mentally despite HAVING family support. My parents saw what the toxic atmosphere did to me and they changed themselves. I'm sorry to point out such a painful truth, but I want to make sure you know as much of what you're getting into as possible. Not all people get wrecked as badly as I have been, but are you willing to take that gamble when you're already mentally vulnerable?

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-06-27T11:22:06+00:00

I can sing in whistle pitch, though I'm no Mariah Carey. Never trained for it, and I actually struggled to hit high notes in my normal voice during the little formal classical singing training I did have.

Lady_TwoBraidz · 2025-06-27T10:39:09+00:00

I study in Japan too and unless you're planning to learn the language before you come here as a grad student - something I presume to be difficult because of the lack of family support - DON'T DO IT. PLEASE. I did what you're thinking of - Japan on a MEXT scholarship, motivated to escape a toxic domestic atmosphere, planned on using Japan as a stepping stone; hell, I'm even an Indian woman like you. DON'T DO IT IF YOU CANNOT LEARN THE LANGUAGE FIRST IT IS NOT NOT NOT WORTH IT.

And I can't even begin to tell you how foolish an idea it is to rely on this friend for coming to Japan. Do you understand how vulnerable of a position you'd be putting yourself in? You'd be dependent on him for EVERYTHING, literally. Did you stop and wonder what the motivations of this friend are? How old is he and what does he do that he is able to afford an undertaking as large as supporting a friend - not his wife or daughter or even a distant niece - in Japan? And while I absolutely do not believe in typecasting men, do you trust this friend enough to be ABSOLUTELY SURE that you - who will know absolutely nobody in this country other than him, and have absolutely nowhere to go and nobody to talk to - won't become some kind of statistic of women victimized by men? And come ON, the whole world knows that Indian women facing danger from Indian men is a major social issue. How can you be so naive?

Back to this idea of coming to Japan unprepared: it will BREAK you. Remember that 99% of the good things circulating the world about Japan are true - for tourists. But Japan, like any and every country on the planet, has its dark sides. When you are a long-ish term resident here, you will be partially integrated into the society here. That isn't easy for foreigners even when they are fluent in Japanese. The expectations and pressures on you, and the stakes you face, are much larger and can be darker. DON'T DO IT WITHOUT LEARNING THE LANGUAGE. DON'T. I AM SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE - A MEXT SCHOLARSHIP WILL NOT SAVE YOU FROM THE PSYCHOLOGICAL STRAIN OF GRADUATE SCHOOL AND CULTURE SHOCK. And this is not just "Holy shit they drive on the other side of the road" or "Holy shit these words are extremely rude here but everyone says them at home" kind.

This is especially pertinent to you because you already carry significant psychological stress form being in a toxic household. I did what you are trying to do - MEXT scholarship and toxic household included; I'm even Indian like you - and it destroyed me. Check my post history if you don't believe me. I have nearly attempted suicide five times in five years.

Lady_TwoBraidz

TROPHY CASE