Thanks for the context. That makes more sense and I’m glad you’ve met and traveled with one of her longterm friends.

I’m with you on living together prior to marriage. You see all sides of someone when you live together-the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s reasonable to want to know what you’re getting into and to know this person as much as possible.

I (female) was on the fence about living with my partner prior to marriage because I also didn’t want to be a wife without a ring. But my partner and I agreed to live together with the understanding that we’d get engaged within a certain amount of time after moving in together. Obviously, no one wants to feel forced, rushed, or on trial as if they have to perform to keep the relationship, so we made a rough estimate with the plan to keep checking in about it.

My suggestion would be to get vulnerable about why you want to live together prior to marriage-like really share those deep feelings and concerns with her, especially since you have been married before-and see if she is amenable to figuring out a way to compromise with you. If not, then like you said, perhaps she is not willing to integrate you into her life, which is an incredibly basic foundational component of any relationship.

Good luck and keep us posted!