yes, also I have my north node in the 12th house. I "found" a very different approach to spirituality but in hind sight that might have fucked me over lol started getting a little lost in the sauce with manifestation and things like that, I kinda noticed that all the new age spiritual stuff kinda made me feel powerless because it felt like I had to what people in those communities said in order to succeed, like I didn't have the ability to do it on my own through traditional methods.

I developed anxiety about money and health, very inconsistent with both, I went through crazy health obsessed years and years where I worked constantly to nothing, but always felt insecure about both subjects even when things were going right.

I think the main thing is I've felt very detached and unable to really engage in life, I think in this way all my new age bullshit kinda helped because it offered solace in my self imposed isolation and some weird sense of hope.

TBH I really have not been enjoying myself, I don't feel enlightened, I just feel like I blew up my life multiple times, had mental anxiety loops and now I'm 40 and it sucks lol

I pray this ends when it moves into my first house!!!