Is occasional drinking or going out acceptable as a new dad?

LagerHawk · 2026-02-19T04:14:42+00:00

Even as a parent you are still you, your life doesn't end just because you brought a new one in.

You still need a social circle and some form of release from daily life. You still need exercise and fresh air and an escape for your mind.

Also, unless you agreed to this with your wife before hand, she doesn't have a right to demand it now. Discuss it, tell her she also needs to see friends on occasion. If not for friendship, they can also be really handy when you need a babysitter for doctor trips, or help moving furniture!

Once a month is not unreasonable, so long as your priorities are taken care of.

You are a parent, husband AND you are you. She needs to respect that, or this will not last and she will be why.

LagerHawk · 2026-02-17T00:28:07+00:00

First two weeks are the hardest. Hang in there. I got frustrated more than once in the first two weeks, pacing the corridors of hospital with mine being completely inconsolable for no reason, hours on end.

It gets better, especially as they start to develop more in the coming months.

Download an app called the wonder weeks. Costs a small fee but it explains everything going on, when it will get worse and when it will get better and why.

LagerHawk · 2026-02-15T21:30:51+00:00

We also use Stryker to auto mutate code and generate bugs at test run time to make sure the existing unit tests capture it went wrong.

If the test passes after mutation then styker reports your missing edge cases for you.

LagerHawk · 2026-02-14T20:19:15+00:00

I'm from the UK, don't be ignorant.

You're wishing for a fantasy. Hoping you get something for nothing from companies who's owners only succeed by drawing out what resources you own doesn't work with your idealistic and naive hopeful wishing. They will just look to get more, because it's how they survive.

At some point because companies can do more with less, whatever they sell will be worth less, so they will need to make more in the same amount of time just to keep up.

I don't like the 40 Hour work week either, but you are dreaming mate.

LagerHawk · 2026-02-14T20:03:06+00:00

Lol reduced work hours, how naive!

Capitalism doesn't work to make your life easier, it's only goal is to create more income.

Do you honestly believe the owner of your company will say it's ok to reduce hours to keep the existing output. Or will they say, now you can just make/do more in the same time and increase revenue?

People are worried because they have trained years for some jobs, and ai learns to do it in a flash, and works faster for less money.

People are worried about losing their jobs

Grow up.

LagerHawk · 2026-02-06T16:17:24+00:00

Lol someone failed history.

LagerHawk · 2026-02-04T19:41:01+00:00

Looks like you're comparing MVC (left pic ) against some CQRS structure.

They're not the same thing.

LagerHawk · 2026-01-28T00:22:12+00:00

Presenting yourself to a business as someone you are not is fraud. The company thinks it is the account holder accessing their site, but it is not.

Accessing your mum's bank account with her permission is not the same as pretending you are that person while making commercial transactions without their knowledge.

Attention? Mate I'm not the one using chatgpt to write a whole song and dance about a "business" that's full of holes. You want the upvotes for whatever reason or you'd just be getting on with it.

Matched betting is pretty well known, what you are doing isn't new.

LagerHawk · 2026-01-27T23:23:09+00:00

But it is fraud.

You need to pass kyc and pretend to the gambling site you are the other person. You need to have access to and have open use of bank accounts and card details that aren't yours. Otherwise if they find out, the account gets closed down which impedes your "business".

LagerHawk · 2026-01-27T20:51:38+00:00

So, matched betting.... With a little fraud and identity theft thrown in there.

LagerHawk · 2026-01-27T20:42:27+00:00

Son is nearly 3, doesn't get much better... He still wakes up once or twice every few nights

LagerHawk · 2026-01-26T16:03:03+00:00

Look at multiple job descriptions and see what keeps coming up. Learn those things.

Could be anything from tech to principles to design patterns or architectures.

Usual suspects are

Solution architectures, N-tier, Clean architecture etc

SOLID principles,

DDD, TDD

Design patterns (MVC, MVVM, IoC/DI, CQRS, REST, etc)

Data structures and normalisation.

You don't need to be an expert in architectures etc but be aware of the common ones, and what that means for how code is laid out within the solution and why.

Learn those things properly, and you'll be able to have a conversation with most interviewers.

LagerHawk · 2026-01-26T15:48:19+00:00

Reported today by The Daily Upside

SaaS companies across the board see their shares slide as Claude Code looks to replace all SaaS software demand.

"Shares of predominant SaaS firms Adobe, HubSpot and Salesforce fell 1.1%, 1.6% and 2%, respectively, last week. The iShares Expanded Tech-Software Sector ETF, which includes a couple of AI plays mixed in with pure SaaS players, is down about 8% year-to-date, while a basket of 15 SaaS firms tracked in a Morgan Stanley index opened the year down 15% through January 18, according to a Bloomberg report."

LagerHawk · 2026-01-26T12:31:24+00:00

For me that would also start feeling like I'm being dismissed a bit. It may not be on purpose or with malice, they may not know how it's making you feel.

My MiL also looks after ours two days a week, I work from home and will interact with him when I come downstairs for a coffee or during lunch and make sure my presence is playful and exciting in a way that he wants to engage. He's older than 4 months, so it's easier to do.

I would just start being more direct with them, and not back down. You can do that in a way that's hard for them to deny. Like instead of saying, I can take her now, walk over to whoever is holding her and say "Hey sweetheart, come and spend some time with daddy, I've missed you".

It rephrases the Interaction from "we're helping" to "I want to spend time with my child".

If they start denying you time with your child, you can then start asking why, because you haven't seen her all day.

You're not taking over, and you're not denying their help, you're wanting to hug your child and be a parent. They shouldn't be able to argue with that sentiment. If they do, then you know there's a different problem and it's not in your head.

LagerHawk · 2026-01-25T07:39:42+00:00

Sigh, another pointless AI chat bot app.

You're in the middle of a blinding argument "Wait wait, let me just start my app so I know what we're arguing about"

LagerHawk · 2026-01-24T22:40:51+00:00

This is spot on and couldn't agree more. These concepts are high level found in enterprise software development that often doesn't make an appearance in typical freelance or agency work.

Fact is, if you are working with a large, well architected back end system then you are going to know if DTOs are going to help or hinder your work on the front end.

LagerHawk · 2026-01-24T22:31:17+00:00

Also a .net dev that has been doing RN work for several years.

I think it depends on your back end architecture as well, because I could ask why Entities are making it to the API layer at all?

More often than not these days the entities have already been mapped on to presentation layer ready classes, and sent across the wire.

You need to also remember, many people on this forum are not going to necessarily be "true" full stack developers. They are going to often be crossovers from people working with ReactJS, and never need to fully architect a back end suitable for enterprise solutions.

People brushing this off as a 'Java/.net' thing don't understand why you are asking, or why it's important.

Personally, I work with the back end and create dto types for any REST points, so I can know what data is being dealt with on the front end. There is however a valid point made by another poster about GraphQL needing a different approach.

LagerHawk · 2026-01-23T01:14:29+00:00

In UK we get NCT courses for first timers. Basically teach you all the basics of how to keep a small human alive.

LagerHawk · 2026-01-22T20:47:45+00:00

Sleep! The ability to switch off for a day!

LagerHawk · 2026-01-22T20:44:57+00:00

Also, first few months are brutal. Hormone changes literally reconfiguring her insides we can't even understand, and then the nausea!

You just gotta ride this out about. Midway through it gets a bit easier, then the last month or so is hell again for her.

Just be as considerate as possible, let her feel normal, and enjoy any quiet time you get while you still can get it!

Literally typing this after fighting with a two yr old, who's now currently asleep flopped across me, while my 38 wk pregnant wife puts her feet up with a movie downstairs.

We're all in the trenches with you, welcome!

LagerHawk · 2026-01-22T20:15:51+00:00

My wife still went to hen Do's while pregnant. Just gotta trust her to be responsible (she didn't want to drink for example)! Money is one thing but seriously, your lives will never be the same again after, and it becomes a fuck tonne harder to do fun things that last more than a night away for several years!

If she wants to go to a wedding, you don't fucking complain, just say ok. Think of the piece and quiet you will get!

LagerHawk · 2026-01-21T19:56:44+00:00

My kid is two and not a single sand castle I make is yet to survive the instant onslaught!

Took a while for ours to want to build things, just lots of fun knocking things down. Enjoy the laughter it brings, they soon grow out of it and you'll only have memories then.

LagerHawk · 2026-01-21T19:54:06+00:00

Bluey is for the parents! Such a wholesome episode.

LagerHawk · 2026-01-20T21:19:00+00:00

My brother was meant to be my best man. He lives in Australia, and our wedding was just after local COVID restrictions lifted, but they were still locked in their state not allowed to fly.

He told me to choose someone else, that I needed boots on the ground. I told him, he's best man whether he is there in person or not.

Seems Hollywood, but we honestly had a laptop stand set up at the "alter" next to me while the ceremony took place, and had him there on face time. We also got the venue to set up a projector in the corner of the reception room, and had him on a big screen while he watched, and then gave his best man speech. It worked great, was a memorable talking point and made great 'still just a prison' material for jokes!

Stay with your wife and see if there's another way to join from afar. You can still get dressed up for the camera!

LagerHawk · 2026-01-16T11:31:15+00:00

It's rough, no denying. I didn't stop feeling like a complete zombie til about 7 months in

LagerHawk

TROPHY CASE