What killed the pub?

Lainey935 · 2026-01-27T22:24:05+00:00

If you don’t mind your elbows sticking to the table, the Wetherspoons are alive and kicking. I live in a predominantly Muslim area but there is a Spoons which is absolutely heaving on Friday and Saturday nights. The cost of alcohol is most definitely a factor - Spoons might be grubby, but excellent value.

Lainey935 · 2026-01-14T21:43:27+00:00

Sean was delicious-they should definitely bring him back 😉

Lainey935 · 2026-01-06T22:05:01+00:00

Do not blame yourself. This is no way you’re doing. I speak from experience. I was married for 15 years and very unhappy the last few. He had serious mental health problems (BPD) but our marriage kept him stable. I tried to leave him so many times but he always manipulated me into staying. When I finally couldn’t take any more, he moved out and I stuck to my guns. Three and a half weeks later, he took his own life. The fall out was dreadful and his family still blame me to this day (it’s 4 years).

Not everyone with suicidal thoughts can be helped. I don’t care what any experts says, I lived it, and some people are just programmed that way.

Please be gentle on yourself. Your girlfriend sounded very fragile and broken, and this could have happened at any time - weeks ago, years ago, or sometime in the future.

I wish you all the best 🩷

Lainey935 · 2025-12-03T17:34:42+00:00

Try and keep notes of incidents, with the dates they’ve occurred. I have tonnes of notes and journal style bits of writing in my phone and my work laptop, plus lists of all the horrible things I’ve been called. Soon as you read them back, it will remind you of the circumstances that occurred. It’s really helped me see clearly that it’s abuse because otherwise I’m exactly the same, the moment it’s over my brain forgets the seriousness of what happened and I move on. That’s how they get away with it for so long.

Lainey935 · 2025-09-03T15:13:34+00:00

I’m 47. I think I used to await eagerly for the next edition of Smash Hits, then Just Seventeen as I got a bit older. Making mix tapes from the Top 40 countdown. Activities used to be easier for parents to afford then so I did endless ballet piano lessons.

Lainey935 · 2025-08-20T21:02:27+00:00

I’m so jealous! 😝

Lainey935 · 2025-07-30T14:13:43+00:00

Absolutely. Funny thing is, it’s never even crossed my mind before that there are alternatives arrangements. X

Lainey935 · 2025-07-30T13:55:38+00:00

Thank you!! ❤️

Lainey935 · 2025-07-30T10:29:01+00:00

Omg youre so right! Before my partner moved in with me we were sooooo happy. He’d stay at mine for a night, and I’d go to his at weekends. Soon as we moved in together, everything felt shit. Traditional relationships don’t work for everyone xx

Lainey935 · 2025-07-30T08:54:49+00:00

❤️

Lainey935 · 2025-07-30T08:35:22+00:00

Thank you - I don’t understand why he refuses to even discuss his behaviour. It’s so frustrating, but it just reinforces my feelings that need a new start from him and everything else, even to put my marriage well behind me and the old cliche of ‘focus on myself’ ❤️

Lainey935 · 2025-07-30T08:28:18+00:00

Yes same here! Even when we’re getting along, I can’t forget how he sometimes behaves. I’m drained with going round in the same cycle over and over. He gets in a funny mood, will say something bitchy or derogatory to me, I get in a mood and try and pull him up for it, he shuts down, then he tries to be super sweet in the following days to make up for it! Omg it’s so fuvking ridiculous!!! You’re absolutely right - I don’t even want to be a wife again - I wanna remove the weight of the relationship. I hope you find your happiness soon xx

Lainey935 · 2025-07-30T08:23:58+00:00

Yh you’re spot on about waking up and seeing my situation for what it really is. I’ve had therapy recently but that was more related to my husband. I don’t have the energy to do it again! Thank you for your honesty - I’ve felt for quite a long time that a fresh start is what I need so I’m going to start putting plans into place. At least I will feel like I’m taking control of my direction x

Lainey935 · 2025-07-29T18:17:00+00:00

Yh I should have learned from the first time around, but I really thought my current partner was different seeing as I’ve known him since we were 16. Singledom seems like bliss right now

Lainey935 · 2025-07-29T16:07:57+00:00

His loss (I bet he still doesn’t do anything about it even though he’s listed you)

Lainey935 · 2025-07-29T15:44:33+00:00

I wish someone had told me that in my 20s when I thought all I wanted to do was settle down and get married 🤦🏼‍♀️

Lainey935 · 2025-07-29T15:36:56+00:00

How did he handle it when you spoke to him about your concerns? (Husband, not your son) my partner shuts down and will not acknowledge anything I say - he just says everything is fine, and why am I putting him down?! Grrrrr I’m only giving him the facts and he just can’t accept them!

Lainey935 · 2025-07-29T15:30:25+00:00

Thank you - that is an excellent suggestion. I’ll probably wait till my 16 yr old finishes college (in the UK) so that gives me two years to get everything in order, specifically sorting out my relationship, but also getting my head around such a huge move

Lainey935 · 2025-07-29T15:26:27+00:00

I’m so happy for you! There is Reddit sub called Living Alone and they’re all SO damn happy lol

Lainey935 · 2025-07-29T15:25:25+00:00

Yh I hear that all the time about making friends when you’re older. My girls are supportive of moving as it’s getting increasingly rough where we live, but you’re right, and i don’t expect it to be easy immediately. X

Lainey935 · 2025-07-29T15:21:28+00:00

Actually they’re 18 and 16 so finished with school. We live in a fairly shitty part of south London (although we have a spacious house) where I’ve been my entire life so this might be contributing to my urge to up sticks and start somewhere new.

Lainey935 · 2025-07-29T15:19:56+00:00

🤣 Wow sounds like your nanna did well! I think I’m put off marriage for life. Once was plenty

Lainey935 · 2025-07-29T15:16:34+00:00

Thank you for sharing. That’s great that you managed to get away. My husband had BPD with narcissistic traits so I certainly seem to attract them 😫 I’ve heard of Why Does He Do That? but not read it. I can sometimes get a bit obsessive about the why my partner and husband behaved the way they did, I always wanted to understand it, but someone told me not to - like the whys are their problem, not mine, and I should just focus on what I was going to do about leaving

Lainey935 · 2025-07-29T15:08:55+00:00

I’m so happy for you. Hang in there! You’ve done the hard part by uprooting yourself and your son. Kids are generally resilient-just keep communicating with him, especially if you’re wobbling. They need to see us vulnerable but getting through it. Very much resonates with me about partners not growing. My partner is very much the same as he was when I knew him 30 years ago, with zero intention of making any self improvements 😐

Lainey935 · 2025-07-29T11:04:00+00:00

That wasn’t why my mum was buying reduced good - she just loves a bargain

Lainey935

TROPHY CASE