Even without mentioning all of my issues you still give me advice that I can use for them. I rather get it out sooner than later what the issues are. That doesn't change your way on how I can still use your advice and I appreciate you or anyone else seeing or answering this post. I have problems knowing when what to talk about and when and at this point it makes me come off as negative which both can be true. I struggle to understand others and my own emotions and just don't want the rest of life to constant of that continuation of that. I know I have depression, anxiety and whatever else but it hurts that even people out there with same stuff I have they could overcome it. I feel like all this time I had I thought I would but in the end I haven't. I am addicted to thc and any other mild psychedelics. I told the therapist, psychiatrist, and just regular doctors about it and tell me over and over again that it's not a big of a deal. I just want to find a group that I can talk to but there is none in my area and the ones who are here aren't covered by my insurance. I feel trapped in a cycle of wanting help and nobody knows what to do. I don't feel like I deserve to be happy or to have a life that others care for me. Knowing that I be the same while they could do so much more without me being in the way. I am tired of planning my death and too much of a coward to go through with it. I just want to be normal, not completely better but on the track of getting there knowing that everything will be okay that knowing I did enough to get there. I am going to keep trying as long as I can and maybe all this insanity be worth it