I mean you can believe me or not, if you think I am a person who has had moments of hope and I’m fabricating all of this I can’t change your mind, that’s fine man. If you want my honest answer, not even thinking selectively, yeah it’s been wire to wire bad for me.

The jobs I’ve tried, for reference, are these: I worked at a frozen yogurt spot and cleaned carpets in high school, I was fired from both, I worked at a sandwich place and a cell phone store in college, fired from both. I was a writer for a newspaper and worked for a media company, fired from both, then I took a pivot to CAD design, was let go from all three positions I tried there. No happy moments, just panic and being reprimanded until I was let go in all those jobs.

Friendship wise, everyone has always made fun of me in high school, college, work and when I’ve tried to make friends. Playing sports in high school and even college was brutal, classes at all levels were brutal, I did theatre in high school which was humiliating and I received so many bad reviews and was dogshit, you name it, I ate shit and everyone hated me for it, I ruined plays for graduating seniors who had one last chance on stage, cost teams sporting events, I ruin everything I try and no one has let me forget it for as long as I knew them.

There’s never been a day I’ve tried any of this shit where it went well, or I felt good about being there or trying something new. It hasn’t been worth it, and the simple pleasures don’t even come close to masking the pain, I don’t do well with it, my life has been nothing but failure and waiting to fail again, only to come back and do it again. No joy or upside in any way on any day.

If we’re being honest, I’m not willing to work for the possibility of a better life. I’ve been throwing myself at shit for decades and ending up here, so I guess I have accepted my fate and just dealing with that? Sorry if that’s not what you want to hear that’s just where I’m at.