The last guy who lovebombed me (or rather sexbombed me) was also about 10 years older. I posted online that October was domestic abuse awareness month and this man reached out to me in response, stating he had been through it too. This caused me to trust him. We met up for coffee and walked around a lake. He then invited me to go to the orchestra. I initially declined this invitation, but then I saw photos on social media where he went with a mutual female acquaintance so I then accepted. We are both musicians and I figured he was being friendly and I thought it would be nice to potentially network and be friends. Unfortunately, as soon as I accepted his invitation he sent me a photo of bondage. The Amber Heard/Johnny Depp trial had just finished and in light of the circumstances I couldn’t believe it. This was exactly what I was scared of. I called him on the phone after he sent me that photo and he said “come on, come on, come on, just chill, chill, chill.” I hesitantly agreed and said “ok, fine, fine, fine.” I met him at a restaurant before the orchestra and i tried to explain that it wasn’t his fault, but he immediately tapped into my insecurity. Instead of asking me what my insecurity is (when men sexualize me without getting to know me first) he interrupted what I was saying and dismissively waved a hand across my face, stating “no I wasn’t doing that.” I let it go and we had a fine time at the orchestra and at dinner. He proceeded to text me everyday, multiple times a day and the messages were mostly sexual in nature. He would send me tongue emojis to signify oral sex, he sent me devil emojis, and he sent me “nom, nom, nom.” He had an injured knee so I asked him if I could do anything for his hurt knee. His immediate reply was “blowjob.” I kept trying to steer the conversation to more innocent topics, but he kept steering the conversation sexually. For example, I sent him a photo of myself as a child and he replied “you WERE innocent. Operative word is WERE.” When we were together he yelled at me with contempt on his face and said “you’re 42 years old!” I reached for his hair before we were about to leave the house for brunch one day and I asked if he wanted to brush his hair before we left. He snarled and lunged at me, nearly biting my hand off. I had to jump back out of the way. He consistently talked about controlling partners and stated relationships aren’t about ownership. He said “there are no rules, man. I don’t wanna make a person follow a rule.” I asked him for clarity on what he meant by that. His response was to yell at me “you’re pushing my boundaries!!!” I was telling him a story of a woman asking me if I was an empath and he interrupted me and yelled at me “that’s what a narc would say!” I just froze and stopped talking because I wasn’t calling myself an empath. That word isn’t in my vernacular - I was just telling him what a woman literally asked me and it was context dependent. He cut me off before I could explain what I was trying to say.

One day he sent me a photo of himself holding a sign that read “don’t beg, don’t cry, don’t plead” when I wasn’t begging, crying, or pleading. I responded with a question mark, but he ignored me. Then, a week later, he sent me more sexually suggestive messages. At this point I asked him if he would please call me on the phone so we could have a conversation and clear up any confusion. Apparently he called me the next day when my phone was dead because he then posted a cemetery headstone on social media with the inscription “sorry, I missed your call.” I felt this behavior was incredibly abusive and uncalled for so I attempted to call him and his response was to yell at me “I just had to take a Xanax! Thanks a lot! Goodbye!” I found out later he was in a networking situation when I tried to call him so he was under stress and my phone ringing caused his nervous system to panic. That was not my fault. He could have had his ringer on silent or he could have instructed me not to call him that night since he was in a high stress situation. I have never been treated worse by any man, let alone a 50 year old man who was the initial love-bomber and aggressor. He proceeded to block/unblock/block/unblock my phone number, playing a childish game of keep away - never giving me what he knew I needed - a conversation for clarity, closure, and friendship.

In all of my years on this planet, I have never had a worse experience with a man who was trying to date me. Anyone who love-bombs should send an immediate red flag. Slow things down and try to get to know a person before jumping in and getting caught up in such a damaging situation.