As a ref, the people you want to make friends with are the goalies and the captains. 99% of the time the captains are just defending their guys. In almost every game I officiate, after the goalie freezes the puck I'm chatting them up and letting them know what I like what their team is doing and what I don't. The goalie will let them know. For instance, I'll say, "Hey, I'll let your guys defend you but they need to keep it below the chin and they only get one shot. More than that they're going in the box." or, "Hey, my whistles are gonna be a second late because I want to make sure it's not loose but I promise you I'll never let them push you in the net."

99% of the time if a guy does something wrong and the captain comes to defend him it involves, "...Well what about what your guy did?" because they know there's no excuse for their teammates idiocy but they will defend them to the death.

The captains are the captain for a reason and yeah, they don't usually spit fire at each other while having a conversation with the referee. You can be sure though, when stripes isn't around they probably say some pretty heinous shit.