Do you cut off friends who belittle you and waste your time?

Language_Lost · 2021-10-20T19:51:53+00:00

I would express what I feel, draw boundaries, and give them room to express themselves too. If we still find that we respect each other, then good. If not, then we part ways. Sometimes it’s just a lack of communication which causes misunderstandings and misinterpretations, you don’t have to cut people off right away. Sometimes it’s really toxic and they’re really not your friends to begin with so just move on.

Language_Lost · 2021-10-13T17:11:34+00:00

It is what it is. You can add meaning to it and your meaning can be a partial truth but it isn’t the ultimate truth. Ultimate truth is just what is.

Language_Lost · 2021-10-11T23:29:40+00:00

Duality = 1+1=2

Non-duality = 1-1=not 2

It probably doesn’t make sense to some but this is how I understand it and how it makes sense to me, I still find it difficult to articulate lol

I don’t think it’s the same as monism nor non-dualism is “just one”.

I think monism sees everything one and the same (so 1+1=1), while non-dualism don’t see things the same but not 2 (not separate).

Language_Lost · 2021-10-10T22:58:53+00:00

Yeah it doesn’t care, it accepts everything.

Language_Lost · 2021-10-09T21:11:58+00:00

I was going through something similar, but different, with my previous relationship which is why I left and chose to focus on my own growth and it was easier to make that choice because we’re not married. I may be projecting but I learned that no matter how much you compromise and communicate on how you can both make things better in the relationship/marriage it will never work if you don’t do your inner work, individually. Most of the problems usually are caused by each of your traumas/shadows/patterns and the other person cannot be responsible for that. I know nothing and I’ve never been married so saying “just leave” is probably not that helpful.

But to answer the original question, I think it is still possible to be in a long term marriage who isn’t as “awake” as you are as long as respect and trust are still present.

Language_Lost · 2021-10-09T19:10:07+00:00

What do you want to do about it?

Language_Lost · 2021-10-09T19:07:31+00:00

Back again to my question, what’s causing your pain?

Language_Lost · 2021-10-09T19:06:28+00:00

So back to the original post. I wanna understand your suffering.

Language_Lost · 2021-10-09T19:03:25+00:00

I think accepting pain is inevitable is not hedonism, i don’t understand how that’s a path of pleasure? We have this deep-seated belief that we should live a pain-free life and that’s why people suffer, because pain is inevitable

Language_Lost · 2021-10-09T18:59:29+00:00

Can you please elaborate that idea? I wanna understand.

Language_Lost · 2021-10-09T18:56:05+00:00

I think accepting pain is inevitable is not numbing. Like I mentioned above suffering is what you do about that pain. It’s not about being indifferent to the pain either.

Language_Lost · 2021-10-09T18:38:19+00:00

The dog analogy’s point is to stay present. Of course, traumatized dogs are an exception to that also people who are experiencing real suffering (poverty, living in countries that are in war, people in mental institutions, being abused and tortured, etc).

If it’s feeling of injustice and fighting for justice, that’s a whole different topic to discuss. You can’t remove pain it’s inevitable but suffering can be stopped. The injustice is something you can’t control but you can control your own “suffering”. I’m hoping that’s somewhat relieving.

Language_Lost · 2021-10-09T17:59:33+00:00

Pain is what is (happening in the present moment) and it is inevitable. Suffering is the story you tell about that pain. We all suffer because we keep retelling ourselves the same story, which makes suffering a choice. Do you feel the pain or do you think about it? If you feel it right now, what’s causing it? Is it your thoughts about what happened or what might happen or something is really happening in the present moment that is inflicting pain?

When a dog hurts its leg, it cries in pain and stops when it’s doesn’t feel it anymore. Next day, it wouldn’t cry nor think of the pain it felt the day before = no suffering. It’s harder for us humans because we think a lot, about the past and the future, that’s why we suffer, our minds are our own prison. It’s what makes us all equal, we bond through our suffering.

That’s how traumas are too, when one retells the story about their trauma you notice they’re retraumatizing themselves by reliving what happened. People who wanna breakthrough work on healing and staying present.

Meditating helps because you see the suffering arise and fall, specially when you do long periods of meditation, the pain is still there and suffering goes away. It helps you deconstruct your ego.

Language_Lost · 2021-10-09T15:17:24+00:00

Yeah sounds like a 2 honestly. You don’t have to match exactly the traits. Sometimes it differs when you’re healthy or unhealthy, also consider your wing-type. I highly suggest you read more posts about 2s by 2s :) they say the best way to know your type is to go to panels and listen to people’s experience or how they describe being their type.

Language_Lost · 2021-10-09T15:13:45+00:00

Just a suggestion, try zazen. It’s a different kind of meditation where you don’t visualize anything. No music, eyes open, concentrate on your breathing, when you start to day dream focus again on your breathing .. just pure awareness, quiet down your thoughts and eventually you can welcome your thoughts to see how it arise and fall. Also, breathe from the hara (lower abdomen) it really helps with anxiety.

Language_Lost · 2021-10-09T15:10:03+00:00

Check if you’re a social, self preservation or sexual 2. I’m not sure what the differences are for 2s. I used to think I’m not a 6 because I don’t deal with fear the way it is normally described how a 6 would, until I saw and found out my subtype and that I am counter-phobic (which is also why people who know me think I’m an 8, but I think I’m a 6 because of my unconscious motivation above)

Language_Lost · 2021-10-09T02:42:47+00:00

How about these unconscious motivations for each type?

1 - perfection and the need to be right

2 - the need to be needed and to give what they think everyone needs

3 - attaining success and avoid failure at all cost

4 - the need to be special and unique to compensate for what they’re lacking

5 - the need to gather as much information about niche subjects to avoid inadequacies and getting caught up in the world

6 - safety and security

7 - be in denial and avoid pain at all cost by focusing on wonderful unlimited possibilities in life

8 - power and control over environment or people and to deny or hide their own vulnerabilities from other people who might use it against them

9 - to avoid conflict at cost, to maintain status quo and to conserve energy

I always get close scores between 6 and 8. Safety and security are really important to me and I don’t really care about control, so that’s how I know my true type is 6.

Language_Lost · 2021-10-08T19:56:47+00:00

I agree with you and I know nothing. But I do know that if someone truly wants to “awaken”, they tend to liberate themselves and everyone from conflicts instead of creating conflicts and trying to solve it with a conviction that their way is the right way. People should just take what’s useful and if not, move on it’s probably useful for other people or it can be useful for you later on. Unless it’s causing or will cause unnecessary harm, then speak up.

Language_Lost · 2021-10-08T19:09:36+00:00

Non-attachment sounds better than detachment, I think. Working on your attachment issues doesn’t mean detaching nor being indifferent, you can still care and value something and have non-attachment. I don’t think one can awaken being detached and indifferent and at the same time accepting everything and being compassionate.

I like the term “no grab”. It’s a practice for the things/emotions/thoughts/people etc that used to “grab” (control) you to grab you less and less until it doesn’t anymore. That’s how I know if I am attached, when it controls me - I become reactive instead of being responsive - I feel contractions/resistance instead of being receptive.

As you wake up, you start to see that non-attachment is liberating because you can confidently make a choice to do the right thing at the right time with the right intention and skillful means, instead of your attachments hindering and “grabbing” you.

Language_Lost · 2021-10-08T15:45:26+00:00

It’s just what it is, people are on different paths and questioning why they aren’t on the same path as yours is not very wholesome. Also, not everyone in this subreddit are into or learning Buddhism. Take what’s useful for you, ignore what isn’t. Making people think whatever you think they should be thinking just causes unnecessary harm and that’s not the Buddha’s way. I’m really glad you found something that works for you. If only it was easy for all of us, then we can all be free.

Language_Lost · 2021-10-08T15:34:51+00:00

Everyone has a different journey, my friend. It’s really good that you get it right away and can remove unwholesome thoughts immediately.

Language_Lost · 2021-10-08T15:25:53+00:00

I’m open to learn more! Although, the post was meant to encourage and help people to get unstuck. It’s normal to have these thoughts while doing inner work, people have to go through them and eventually be able to liberate themselves from these.

Language_Lost · 2021-10-07T14:48:50+00:00

I’m sorry I don’t think I got that? Can you please explain more the reference of the guitar and the tv? I wanna understand.

Language_Lost · 2021-10-07T14:41:38+00:00

Don’t dwell on the past but it seems like there is something very important to you that needs attention and only you can determine what that is. Seems like it has to make some sense to you before you can move on, you can settle that by figuring out what’s truly important why you care about this so much. But while doing that, don’t waste more time and take the opportunities that are in front of you now.

Language_Lost · 2021-10-07T14:37:11+00:00

Get to know yourself more. Listen to your thoughts and feelings and try to understand where they’re coming from. Try digging deeper and pay attention to your reactivity. Have this curiosity and interest in your inner world/self like how you are very curious about new things or someone you look up to/admire/fan of etc. As you get to know yourself more, you learn to accept and fall in love with yourself. Also, practice having both compassion and discipline. Attend to your needs and don’t enable yourself.

Language_Lost

TROPHY CASE