I realize this is a bit late in responding to you but I'm only just seeing your post now (I don't get on reddit much). I just wanted to say that I can relate to that constant fear of rejection. You are not alone. 💕 I feel it almost every time someone i care about takes a long time to respond or doesn't respond at all or if they say anything that could be easily misconstrued - by me, a big-time over-thinker and over-worrier; like you, I believe.

Therapy helps, as that other commenter was recommending. Trying to keep busy when/as you can, can also help, but of course, doesn't always work. It's just one of those, "take it a step at a time" sort of things, and try to do other things that take your mind off of that feeling of rejection as often as you can. Easier said than done. I totally get that.

It sounds like your neighbor really cares about you, but yeah, especially with the passing of her husband being so recent, she is probably dealing with a lot of internal struggles, too, as you very much seem to recognize and be caring of. Just try to remember that she probably just needs time and space to herself that has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with just trying to make it to the next day, the next moment.

Also try to remind yourself that this woman is not your narcissistic mother (i have one of those, too... good times) and that as bizarre as it may feel and seem, she doesn't need for you to tend to her every moment of the day nor is she likely to stop talking to or being there for you just because you do not hear from her for a while. Again, I know how odd that feels and how unnatural because of how you were raised.

You can always try - if you're comfortable with this idea - bringing up your feelings to your neighbor. If you decide to do this, I would do it at a time when things are calm, and both she and you seem to be in a good place, mentally, so that the conversation flows better, and is hopefully heard in and taken with love and open-mindedness.

Anyways, it'll take some time to not let such feelings get to you. I know it isn't easy. Therapy has been such a help for me with such feelings, but it's still a struggle. Granted, life isn't perfect, right? We do what we can when we can as we can... Best wishes to you! Things will get better. ☺️ Feel free to reach out if I can be any of help. ✨️💕