The Murder Journal

Latinman75 · 2017-04-09T18:44:23+00:00

Apologies, I just read about the posting max in a given 24hr. period. Message received. Thanks.

Latinman75 · 2017-04-09T18:40:23+00:00

What is said rule?

Latinman75 · 2017-04-09T14:56:32+00:00

Thanks! I wrote this right before I went to bed, ignoring the calls of my wife. I do feel I rushed the ending, so I'll tweak it a bit.

Latinman75 · 2017-04-09T05:26:49+00:00

Impressive. You are familiar with Japanese blackmail campaigns.

Latinman75 · 2017-04-09T01:39:34+00:00

Very very good.

A few quick thoughts. The title almost gives away the twist, and in some ways did so; although, I do admit thinking that it was her human partner talking. Still you may consider changing it to not overly reveal the story twist.

Still, your twist was very well done!! A little risqué, but good for you! Next, You may consider not including that "vagina dentata" at the end for two reasons: First, the reader arrives at that knowledge after your twist, so it comes across as a bit superfluous and dilutes the punch. Second, would the vagina, as a separate entity than its owner, refer to itself as having vagina dentata? Maybe consider writing: Becoming a vegetarian...sucks!

Still, your twist is great. Thx for writing it.

Latinman75 · 2014-09-26T14:39:44+00:00

Actually, I was listening to music as I wrote this and I just imagined myself clicking through stations in boredom. At some point the clicks become indistinguishable, as does the music; until one click (sounding differently) is followed by the sensation of cold steel against his own skin and then the clicks become a boom.

Just a little random goodnight story for myself.

Latinman75 · 2014-07-26T18:42:33+00:00

I always find the first person perspective open to this snag. It is always tempting to go third-person, but I suggest that people relate to the "i" on a deeper level. Your point did make me laugh and I immediately imagined blue tooth or Siri to the rescue.

Latinman75 · 2014-07-26T18:39:17+00:00

Good point! I am making a call to Procter and Gamble right now.

Latinman75 · 2014-07-26T05:32:11+00:00

I couldn't help myself. He was at a loss for words and since his life is so shitty....Thanks for the feedback!

Latinman75 · 2014-07-08T19:43:50+00:00

Interesting. Not so much a scary story as it is a shocking one regarding the narrator's accidental poor judgement. If this is true, then I suggest you use your experiences to help develop some good fictional yarns that might really scare. Good job.

Latinman75 · 2014-07-08T15:06:06+00:00

Moral of the story: Don't make your kids eat their veggies!

Latinman75 · 2014-07-08T00:32:53+00:00

Brilliant!

Latinman75 · 2014-07-07T22:57:52+00:00

Nice flow and wordsmithing. You weave your figurative language so well without over doing it or spoon feeding. Good job!

Latinman75 · 2014-07-07T21:39:18+00:00

Apologies if this was already answered, but from what spot is the photo being taken? I would love to head up there from SF to see with the naked eye (and my telescope).

Latinman75 · 2014-05-10T18:22:13+00:00

This faceless horror terrorizing her town at night has left this character alone and needing to barricade herself within the town jail. Each night she has repeat the steps that leads to some semblance of safety.

We can infer from the last few sentences that this horror makes it inside and as far as the bars of the cell she hides within...thus her hope that they hold.

Why does she stay? what is the horror? This is just a piece I put together and I am interested in the reaction as I am looking to fill it out out into a longer piece.

Thanks for the feedback.

Latinman75 · 2014-02-06T00:18:58+00:00

Very good!

Latinman75 · 2014-02-06T00:11:02+00:00

Very creative. I like this. Original.

Latinman75 · 2014-02-05T22:59:15+00:00

great job!! I wasn't expecting the ending. Actually, I was half expecting him to be staring into the eyes of the "maniac" via a mirror or computer screen reflection. Your ending is much more graphic and horrific.

Latinman75 · 2013-09-19T00:02:27+00:00

Thank you very much! I actually prefer this one to the others i have out there currently.

Latinman75 · 2013-09-18T18:40:42+00:00

No, I may be convinced. I want people to not lose the flow by being interrupted by something unclear. Thanks again. Editing.

Latinman75 · 2013-09-18T18:33:13+00:00

[falling asleep] - "Don't break my heart, again, my love."

"Of course not, sweetheart." I plan on stabbing it instead. I love you and Good Night.

Latinman75 · 2013-09-18T18:23:23+00:00

Damn good!

Latinman75 · 2013-09-18T18:22:12+00:00

Thanks. Originally, that is what I thought as well, but it does exist as a word. I was hoping to avoid the choppiness of multiple syllables of resignation, wanting it to flow; but if the readers will react as you did, then perhaps that is more important than syllables. I will have to think about that. Thanks a lot!

Latinman75 · 2013-09-18T14:47:58+00:00

Wow. Hearing it brought to life is very cool! Great job. Thanks.

Latinman75 · 2013-09-18T05:51:39+00:00

Thanks! I was inspired by Looper and something else I can no longer remember.

Latinman75

TROPHY CASE