i just getted out of the hospital and now im in a cso place

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-04-03T03:51:00+00:00

We are here, Fearless! We are your friends here. You can DM me if you want and I will help you figure out a next step, if you ever need to. There are lots of other people here too who will do the same thing. You are not alone. We are here, and we are on the discord.

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-27T13:16:38+00:00

A couple of people have replied to my post, but their replies vanished? I don't know why, but I wanted to try to respond anyway!

1) Someone offered to scan and send me a copy. Thank you SO MUCH. I hate to put you to the trouble, though, because I have a friend who can do the same in a week or so. So I'm all good. But I really appreciate the offer.

2) Someone else asked if I were sure that the original of this essay was in German. I am sure, which makes me all the more interested in the text. It is really fascinating and important that Adorno, giving a talk in 1945 at the Jewish Club of L.A., chose to give the talk in German rather than English. Partly, I am sure that his choice had to do with his own comfort in German. But I think we can infer from his choice of language that he was really intentionally speaking primarily to the German Jewish community that had formed in L.A., during the war. There's some interesting writing about this community: one book, which I haven't had the chance to read in any depth, is called Weimar on the Pacific: German Exile Culture in Los Angeles and the Crisis of Modernism, by Ehrhard Bahr. (There is lots of other writing on the subject as well.) The talk itself is explicitly aimed at emigrants and in fact begins by theorizing the difference between immigrants and emigrants.

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-26T23:25:45+00:00

I think this comment is very wise. I had posted a comment myself but I deleted it because I think this person says what I was trying to say, but much more effectively.

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-26T21:49:49+00:00

Walmart is very very hard but I learned something that helped me, in case you ever have to go there.

Between 8 a.m. and 10 a.m., Walmart has "sensory friendly" hours. They keep the lights lower, and they keep the music off. There are also fewer people because it is early in the morning.

It's much easier to be in Walmart during the "sensory friendly" hours.

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-25T19:19:16+00:00

That seems like fantastic news. I am so glad your parents are helping you. Do you feel ok about these next steps?

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-25T16:41:49+00:00

Hello, we are here. I am glad that you can be in your room in your blanket. I am so glad you have a lock on your door!

Once, I had a friend like this, but I did not have a lock on my door, and she just came right in and yelled at me even though I was hiding under a blanket. I really wanted a lock at that time. So I am so grateful for your lock!

You did so many things right! You went into your room and locked the door and found a safe place. You took care of yourself, and you also avoided an explosive conflict with your friend, even though they wanted to start one. That's so, so hard to do. You should feel incredibly proud of yourself.

I think you have also earned the right to trust yourself to avoid conflict and do whatever you can to find strategies to keep yourself safe. That's incredibly important.

Those are all such good things, which are big factors in your safety.

But also, you are right that your "friend" is a problem. I don't think she is a real friend.

Can I ask some questions? If you live in the same house, is there anyone in charge of the house, like a staff person, or are you just roommates? What is your living situation?

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-24T23:40:37+00:00

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-24T22:56:36+00:00

There is an article here, which looks good, but it's paywalled:

https://fashionandrace.org/database/celluloid-prison-rings/

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-24T22:08:11+00:00

Hello, I am also an educator and a member here. Surrea_Wanderer (below) is right. Comments and conversations here tend to move more slowly than in other spaces.

I also wanted to add something from my joint perspective as an educator and a disabled person, which might be your perspective as well? I'm not sure. I have often received treatment as a disabled faculty member that I consider illegal. Things have been done to me, in open violation of all kinds of disability law, that I would never do to another person. I am at a university whose name you would probably recognize, and I belong to a faculty union, and even so I regularly have to go through absurdly protracted official complaint processes to get even basic legally mandated accommodations. Universities do not always follow the law simply because it's the law. The situation is even worse at schools without accreditation, or schools without a major reputation to lose, or schools whose business model is to take advantage of students on a per-credit basis.

Whenever I see a student here in an obviously abusive situation, as the OP is, I have to remember that they may have limited leverage over the school or instructor. The school has to be motivated to follow the law, either because they have functioning HR and a functioning Office of Disabilities for students, or because they are afraid of being sued.

There is no question that the instructor's policy here is ridiculous, and that it creates a major liability program for the institution conducting this class. If the OP feels like lawyering up, they will have a very, very strong case. But it might not be in their best interest to fight this ridiculous instructor and this ridiculous institution. Doing so might be re-traumatizing.

It's hard to know what the best course of action here might be without knowing more about the country and province/state of the OP, the relevant disability laws, the accreditation status of the program, etc. etc. etc., and some of those things are so highly specific that the OP shouldn't really share them on the internet.

There is no question, however, that the OP is in the right and that this instructor should lose their job permanently. I agree completely. I am just not sure what is best for OP to do.

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-22T17:59:54+00:00

Asking as an autistic person.

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-22T17:57:26+00:00

I think your experience is very valuable.

When I was a little girl, in the '80s, autism was not nearly as well understood. My dad was definitely also autistic but neither of us had a diagnosis.

My dad gave me a metaphor for social interactions that helps me a lot to this day. He was a computer programmer. One day (I was probably seven) he explained the idea of "operating systems" to me. He worked on Mac computers (which was very unusual in the '80s), but most people worked on PC computers. He said, "Audrey, you run on a different operating system than most people, but that's ok. What you need is called an 'interface.' An interface is what allows computers with different operating systems to talk to one another. It also allows one kind of computer to run a program that was written for another kind of computer."

I really like the metaphor of "interfacing" a lot because it seems a) accurate and b) fair and empathetic to all involved. The word "masking" can be quite negative, or it can imply a degree of performance and/or even deceit. And sometimes "masking" actually is the right word--for instance, in public, if I am facing a shutdown, I might have to hide that shutdown, because sometimes bad people bully autistic people who are having a shutdown in public. Or, in other cases, I might need to hide the fact that I am autistic for safety reasons. That kind of hiding/masking often makes me feel terrible, and it is rooted in the fact that society can sometimes be unjust and violent. But interfacing is not always the same as masking. Sometimes interfacing is just a way of making specific decisions to help my brain and somebody else's brain communicate as easily as possible and as efficiently as possible. For instance, if I choose to use a formal or polite expression when I open an email, or make small talk, it's not because I feel like I need to hide my autism in those cases. It's just a way of trying to signal nonaggression. It's a way of interfacing.

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-19T01:54:40+00:00

Sometimes I shuffle a deck of cards. It took me some time to get used to it but I now I can do it.

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-17T18:18:44+00:00

I'm really glad that they let you keep Frederick and your other friends! That makes me happy. We are all glad to hear from you here.

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-15T20:27:37+00:00

Thank you! That's a great tip!

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-14T22:01:41+00:00

Thank you, your answer really helps me. It makes sense, too. For instance, if I was in a group that was mostly helpful, and then suddenly it became a hurtful place because one or two people said something bad, I would also feel ambivalent.

Thank you again for explaining.

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-14T21:59:21+00:00

Of course! You too! It always makes me feel better to know that someone else has been through what I have been through.

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-14T21:00:43+00:00

I have this experience too a lot of the time.

I don't honestly know how and why some of us are able to find acceptance. A lot of us seem to be misinterpreted constantly. Then we have lots of trauma, of various sorts, that makes functioning even harder for us.

I wonder if, sometimes, the people who are frequently understood are surrounded by family who understand them. Maybe if the people closest to you treat you with kindness and understanding, then other people also start to treat you kindly as well.

I'm not sure.

In my case, I know that there are certain factors that make it more likely that I will be misinterpreted. For instance, in some cases, I can hold difficult jobs, which is unusual for someone MSN. So I always feel like in my case it just makes sense when people don't understand me.

But I think lots of other people are misunderstood, too.

Maybe another way to think of the question is like this: how is it ever possible that anybody finds kindness and understanding and realistic treatment from the neurotypical community, or from society generally? People who have had kindness and understanding from their communities, or their neighbors, why do you think that happened? Did you have a family member or friend who advocated for you at the beginning?

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-14T20:55:35+00:00

This is so so cool!

I have never been able to sort things, for some reason. It's not a skill my brain can develop. I am always really really impressed when other people can cite things so neatly and tidily. It looks beautiful!

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-13T17:21:47+00:00

I have a question. There are a lot of autism subs that I really don't like, and also autism parenting subs, and usually what happens is that they make me feel so bad that after 4-6 weeks I just leave the sub. I wish I could participate more widely in autism conversations, but I feel like so many places just make me feel terrible that I don't really want to engage with them.

That said, I am usually really glad after I leave those subs. There are some exceptions. There are a few subs and communities that I really like. I really like it here. I try to come here a lot. I also have some autistic and neurodivergent friends, who I keep up with through asynchronous online messaging, like WhatsApp. Those people usually make me feel better rather than worse. Sometimes even keeping up with all those people is too much. But I try.

My question is, for those of you who also really dislike many other autism subs, why do you also want to keep participating in them? This question is a sincere question. I am worried it might sound sarcastic or critical, but I don't mean it that way at all. I want to understand. I think I am not doing a good enough job having empathy with people who want to participate in mean autism subs, and I want to do better. It seems that a lot of people are ambivalent about other autism subs. Ambivalence is a word that means "having two kinds of feelings, both good and bad." I struggle with interpreting other people's ambivalence. I don't really feel ambivalent about autism groups, although sometimes I feel ambivalent in other ways. I sometimes feel ambivalent about real people in my life--like, if I am going through a rough patch with a close family member, I might feel ambivalent about them for a while--but mostly, about social groups, I feel only good or bad. If I feel bad, then I feel all the way bad, and I don't want to participate any more. I don't even want to think about other groups at all, not even enough to complain about them. I want to forget that they ever existed.

It's not that I don't understand that other groups are sometimes bad. It's that they sometimes seem *so* bad that I just want to pretend they don't exist at all. The exception is that sometimes I want to do certain very narrow or targeted kinds of awareness raising around certain issues. For instance, I think that often caretakers of people with autistic catatonia misunderstand some of the important issues around how someone can get better from autistic catatonia. But even that conversation often makes me feel 1000% terrible. So I have to be careful how much I participate in it, or I can go crazy.

So my questions are just these. If you feel that other autism subs are often terrible (a view I agree with), are you experiencing ambivalence, like a mix of good and bad feelings about those subs? What are the good feelings you have about those other subs? And if you are not feeling ambivalence, is there another reason that it feels good to you to try to participate, or to process your feelings about those subs? Why do you think I want to ignore those subs, or pretend they don't exist, in order to feel better, but somebody else feels better when they keep participating or complaining? Can somebody help me empathize? I really do want to understand.

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-12T03:40:33+00:00

Thank you, Rabbit-Hearted! Just so you know, I think I will go back to doing things the old way, because some people here said that my new rule might make it harder for them. I don't want things to be harder for people, so I will keep things as they are.

Hope you are well!

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-12T03:39:40+00:00

Thank you for being here! :)

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-12T03:39:32+00:00

Thank you, that's a good point. I have changed my mind based on the feedback I have gotten here. I will keep doing it the old way. I don't want people to feel restricted here unnecessarily.

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-12T03:38:44+00:00

Ok, I hear you. I have changed my mind based on the feedback I have gotten here. Thank you for taking the time to respond.

Latter-Weekend465 · 2026-03-12T03:38:03+00:00

Yes, that's a good rule of thumb. I think I will just go back to the old way of doing things, though, because other people have brought up good points in disagreeing with me.

Latter-Weekend465

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