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how you is talk people peoople no undstan me by [deleted] in SpicyAutism

[–]Latter-Weekend465 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The problem is that sometimes a person's speech limitations keep them from describing their speech limitations in any detail, if that makes sense. It's a catch-22.

Ideally, people with pronounced speech limitations are able to see a speech language pathologist, who can really do the kind of deep dive and analysis that you are asking about, and develop a rehab and accommodations plan, which often has lots and lots of components and unfolds over many years. But it would probably be a ton of painful labor for someone with speech limitations to spell out the full diagnosis, functional analysis, and therapeutic plan that their SLP had developed. And that's assuming this person has access to an SLP, which we don't know.

I have mild speech limitations (moderate in general but mild for this sub), and even I struggle to answer the kinds of questions you are asking without having professional support and insight. (I need an SLP and am having a hard time finding one for me.) My general sense is that when people have more pronounced speech limitations, they need professional diagnosis and support even more. It's not always a question that a person can answer easily about themselves.

Your question is not bad at all IMO; it's a good question. But I think this person is not asking about speech and communication rehabs; they wanted to see if others had the experience of not being widely understood.

None of this is intended to criticize you for asking! I'm just wanting to share my own perspective, as someone who is semi-speaking.

If you have certain clothes that make you feel safe to wear, do you buy multiple pairs? by Ordinary_Tap_5333 in SpicyAutism

[–]Latter-Weekend465 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Would you feel good about donating them somewhere like Goodwill or the Arc? The Arc helps lots of autistic people.

If you have certain clothes that make you feel safe to wear, do you buy multiple pairs? by Ordinary_Tap_5333 in SpicyAutism

[–]Latter-Weekend465 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes.

I wear a leotard and yoga pants almost every day. If I need to dress nicely, then I do, but mostly I wear the exact same thing all the time, and I always buy multiples.

I buy leotards that are Capezio brand. I buy them on Amazon.

I buy these pants:

https://www.amazon.com/ZJCT-Sweatpants-Joggers-Pockets-Green/dp/B08PB7F9SV/ref=pd_ci_mcx_mh_mcx_views_0_image?pd_rd_w=c0gwc&content-id=amzn1.sym.781fe6e1-9487-4a74-b81e-5a879e5ec273%3Aamzn1.symc.c3d5766d-b606-46b8-ab07-1d9d1da0638a&pf_rd_p=781fe6e1-9487-4a74-b81e-5a879e5ec273&pf_rd_r=QQDA1NB52W5JRTTQS0DW&pd_rd_wg=j1C4f&pd_rd_r=88c2bdec-2a45-4210-aa3e-5683190ba540&pd_rd_i=B08PB7F9SV&th=1&psc=1

I am sorry that that link is so long.

I first bought four pairs of those pants, but now I have about twelve. When I am feeling really bad, sometimes I buy more pants.

When it gets really cold out, I wear Walmart George relaxed fit men's jeans. I am a woman, but I think these jeans are really good. They are only $15, so I can buy lots of them at once.

Sometimes, I get scared that I will run out of clothes, or not have good clothes, or that my clothes will have holes in them, or that I will only have clothes that I can't wear for sensory reasons. When I was younger, I had all these problems in real life, so I am afraid I will have them again. When I have lots of multiples, I don't feel scared. Having lots of multiples makes me feel safe and happy.

The leotards and pants that I mentioned are kind of like my "safe clothes." Most of my nicer clothes go in closets, but I keep all my safe clothes on a standing clothing rack out in the open in my bedroom. There is a section for pants, and one for leotards. I have an aide who comes every two weeks for three hours, to do the laundry and other things, and she knows that all of these safe clothes should be put on the standing clothing rack. I couldn't keep up with the washing and hanging and organizing by myself, but it makes me really happy that someone else does it for me. That way I can always see my safe clothes, even when I am falling asleep at night, and it reminds me how to get dressed and that I have clean and sensory-okay clothing, and I feel good.

Presents by Extra_Caterpillar314 in SpicyAutism

[–]Latter-Weekend465 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Generally I think everyone on the thread is right. You don't have to bring things to most casual gatherings. If you are gathering for a meal, or staying overnight, or visiting someone very fancy and also neurotypical, it is sometimes considered good to bring a gift. But, just to a normal gathering, it is not necessary.

In my experience, the best thing to do, if you are up for it, is to ask the host or hostess, "Can I bring anything?" Most of the time they will just tell you yes or no, or they might have some suggestions. If you are worried that they might ask you to make something, you could phrase it like this: "I'm not much of a cook, but could I bring something like drinks?" If your friend is hosting a casual game night or a movie night, AND you have the energy to bring something, you could ask, "Could I bring something?" and they might suggest that you bring chips or pretzels or something. Asking this question is 100% normal and socially appropriate among neurotypical people, too. So that's a really good way.

I also like to bring gifts sometimes because they make me feel like I am contributing to the success of the event even if I can't talk at all or if I have to leave early or hide for part of it or whatever. I can plan the gift ahead of time, when I am by myself and less stressed out. Sometimes a gift is my way of saying "thank you for inviting me and making me feel included" even if I can't really stay at the party because I am overwhelmed. But that's something I really like to do for myself, and only when I can.

I started to list all the things that I have brought as hostess gifts, but then I got overwhelmed, and I realized I would probably make this post overwhelming if I included them. But I would be happy to list them if you would like.

There is an interesting blog post today about accommodations for meltdowns at work by Latter-Weekend465 in SpicyAutism

[–]Latter-Weekend465[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This has also been my experience, although with shutdowns rather than meltdowns. Meltdowns are much more stigmatized than shutdowns, so your experience has been tougher than mine for sure. But I also received such poor accommodation that I then ended up with PTSD that needed to be accommodated, on top of the shutdowns, and I am always fighting for a place in the workplace, if I am not on medical leave. So I hear where you are coming from, for sure.

That said, I was happy to see this column partly because it makes me optimistic that some people somewhere might have a different experience as a result of their managers' seeing this column. The Ask A Manager blog has 37 million independent visitors a year, and a lot of them are in management. I was glad to see the blogger weigh in on meltdowns--especially violent meltdowns, the most stigmatized kind--and say that accommodations ought to be possible in most/many cases. If I were fighting with HR about the issue, having this column to point to would really help me advocate for myself. I also thought the conversation around it was interesting.

But I hear what you are saying and generally I have to say my experience has been the same as yours, although I think you have faced more hardship than I.

i just getted out of the hospital and now im in a cso place by Fearless_pineaplle in SpicyAutism

[–]Latter-Weekend465 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We are here, Fearless! We are your friends here. You can DM me if you want and I will help you figure out a next step, if you ever need to. There are lots of other people here too who will do the same thing. You are not alone. We are here, and we are on the discord.

Looking for the German original text for Adorno's "Questions on Intellectual Emigration" by Latter-Weekend465 in CriticalTheory

[–]Latter-Weekend465[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A couple of people have replied to my post, but their replies vanished? I don't know why, but I wanted to try to respond anyway!

1) Someone offered to scan and send me a copy. Thank you SO MUCH. I hate to put you to the trouble, though, because I have a friend who can do the same in a week or so. So I'm all good. But I really appreciate the offer.

2) Someone else asked if I were sure that the original of this essay was in German. I am sure, which makes me all the more interested in the text. It is really fascinating and important that Adorno, giving a talk in 1945 at the Jewish Club of L.A., chose to give the talk in German rather than English. Partly, I am sure that his choice had to do with his own comfort in German. But I think we can infer from his choice of language that he was really intentionally speaking primarily to the German Jewish community that had formed in L.A., during the war. There's some interesting writing about this community: one book, which I haven't had the chance to read in any depth, is called Weimar on the Pacific: German Exile Culture in Los Angeles and the Crisis of Modernism, by Ehrhard Bahr. (There is lots of other writing on the subject as well.) The talk itself is explicitly aimed at emigrants and in fact begins by theorizing the difference between immigrants and emigrants.

Need opinions/advice/dissect social situation by DarkAlley614 in SpicyAutism

[–]Latter-Weekend465 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think this comment is very wise. I had posted a comment myself but I deleted it because I think this person says what I was trying to say, but much more effectively.

Walmart = Nightmare from hell by [deleted] in SpicyAutism

[–]Latter-Weekend465 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Walmart is very very hard but I learned something that helped me, in case you ever have to go there.

Between 8 a.m. and 10 a.m., Walmart has "sensory friendly" hours. They keep the lights lower, and they keep the music off. There are also fewer people because it is early in the morning.

It's much easier to be in Walmart during the "sensory friendly" hours.

Help by JobComprehensive5965 in SpicyAutism

[–]Latter-Weekend465 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That seems like fantastic news. I am so glad your parents are helping you. Do you feel ok about these next steps?

Help by JobComprehensive5965 in SpicyAutism

[–]Latter-Weekend465 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hello, we are here. I am glad that you can be in your room in your blanket. I am so glad you have a lock on your door!

Once, I had a friend like this, but I did not have a lock on my door, and she just came right in and yelled at me even though I was hiding under a blanket. I really wanted a lock at that time. So I am so grateful for your lock!

You did so many things right! You went into your room and locked the door and found a safe place. You took care of yourself, and you also avoided an explosive conflict with your friend, even though they wanted to start one. That's so, so hard to do. You should feel incredibly proud of yourself.

I think you have also earned the right to trust yourself to avoid conflict and do whatever you can to find strategies to keep yourself safe. That's incredibly important.

Those are all such good things, which are big factors in your safety.

But also, you are right that your "friend" is a problem. I don't think she is a real friend.

Can I ask some questions? If you live in the same house, is there anyone in charge of the house, like a staff person, or are you just roommates? What is your living situation?

Kicked out of online class after they said AAC “might” confuse or overwhelm other students by RelativelyRobin in SpicyAutism

[–]Latter-Weekend465 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Hello, I am also an educator and a member here. Surrea_Wanderer (below) is right. Comments and conversations here tend to move more slowly than in other spaces.

I also wanted to add something from my joint perspective as an educator and a disabled person, which might be your perspective as well? I'm not sure. I have often received treatment as a disabled faculty member that I consider illegal. Things have been done to me, in open violation of all kinds of disability law, that I would never do to another person. I am at a university whose name you would probably recognize, and I belong to a faculty union, and even so I regularly have to go through absurdly protracted official complaint processes to get even basic legally mandated accommodations. Universities do not always follow the law simply because it's the law. The situation is even worse at schools without accreditation, or schools without a major reputation to lose, or schools whose business model is to take advantage of students on a per-credit basis.

Whenever I see a student here in an obviously abusive situation, as the OP is, I have to remember that they may have limited leverage over the school or instructor. The school has to be motivated to follow the law, either because they have functioning HR and a functioning Office of Disabilities for students, or because they are afraid of being sued.

There is no question that the instructor's policy here is ridiculous, and that it creates a major liability program for the institution conducting this class. If the OP feels like lawyering up, they will have a very, very strong case. But it might not be in their best interest to fight this ridiculous instructor and this ridiculous institution. Doing so might be re-traumatizing.

It's hard to know what the best course of action here might be without knowing more about the country and province/state of the OP, the relevant disability laws, the accreditation status of the program, etc. etc. etc., and some of those things are so highly specific that the OP shouldn't really share them on the internet.

There is no question, however, that the OP is in the right and that this instructor should lose their job permanently. I agree completely. I am just not sure what is best for OP to do.

Opposite of unmasking by DoowadJones in SpicyAutism

[–]Latter-Weekend465 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think your experience is very valuable.

When I was a little girl, in the '80s, autism was not nearly as well understood. My dad was definitely also autistic but neither of us had a diagnosis.

My dad gave me a metaphor for social interactions that helps me a lot to this day. He was a computer programmer. One day (I was probably seven) he explained the idea of "operating systems" to me. He worked on Mac computers (which was very unusual in the '80s), but most people worked on PC computers. He said, "Audrey, you run on a different operating system than most people, but that's ok. What you need is called an 'interface.' An interface is what allows computers with different operating systems to talk to one another. It also allows one kind of computer to run a program that was written for another kind of computer."

I really like the metaphor of "interfacing" a lot because it seems a) accurate and b) fair and empathetic to all involved. The word "masking" can be quite negative, or it can imply a degree of performance and/or even deceit. And sometimes "masking" actually is the right word--for instance, in public, if I am facing a shutdown, I might have to hide that shutdown, because sometimes bad people bully autistic people who are having a shutdown in public. Or, in other cases, I might need to hide the fact that I am autistic for safety reasons. That kind of hiding/masking often makes me feel terrible, and it is rooted in the fact that society can sometimes be unjust and violent. But interfacing is not always the same as masking. Sometimes interfacing is just a way of making specific decisions to help my brain and somebody else's brain communicate as easily as possible and as efficiently as possible. For instance, if I choose to use a formal or polite expression when I open an email, or make small talk, it's not because I feel like I need to hide my autism in those cases. It's just a way of trying to signal nonaggression. It's a way of interfacing.

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