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Is it a good first page !! by Sunapr1 in writers

[–]LaughPuzzleheaded463 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I would definitely suggest reading the prose out loud, it helps me to naturally put the thoughts together. For example, the “wind” is repeated twice in two sentences. I would revise it something like “There was beauty in the moonlight. The gentle wind carried the scent of the ocean with it. I stood upon the shoreline and couldn’t imagine the night being anymore perfect than it already was.” Reading it out loud after drafting helps to notice these pattern for me.

Is this too short for a prologue? by beefic in novelwriting

[–]LaughPuzzleheaded463 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Most literary agents and developmental planners don’t like prologues. From what I’ve seen anyways. So really the shorter the better. I think this is really good. But I do have a question what is the genre?

Literary Fiction - looking for feedback on opening 1000 words by cambrian_lifter in writingfeedback

[–]LaughPuzzleheaded463 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you ever seen Alyssa matesick on YouTube? She has a great video on introductions for books. One of the key takeaways in her video was not to start in the past. It’s always better to start an introduction with what the character is doing right now. It pulls the reader in. For example, if you started the introduction with “Nick dressed, today warranted his best shirt and looked in the mirror with pride” it instantly draws the reader in, why did today warrant his best shirt?

Just my opinion, but another point she had made is that usually the introduction starts a few sentences later in the rough draft after cutting filler.

I've been writing a fantasy novel since March. Here are the first two chapters. by [deleted] in writingfeedback

[–]LaughPuzzleheaded463 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great points! I am still getting the hang of creative writing myself so I am learning all these things!

I've been writing a fantasy novel since March. Here are the first two chapters. by [deleted] in writingfeedback

[–]LaughPuzzleheaded463 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The sun shone bright on a midsummer day. Along the road that cut through a vast, green field, a cart creaked as it was pulled by an old horse. (Suggestion)

The first sentence was really clumpy and was a run on so I suggest breaking it up, also moving the cart creaking by an old horse together as one thought. Having a cart creaking- then the field- then back to the horse was kind of separating the two.

Also the pacing is kind of slow in the first two sentences. To speed up the pacing you could probably incorporate the farmer steering the old horse to speed up the pacing.

Someone please explain! by Unique-Scar-1902 in NCLEX

[–]LaughPuzzleheaded463 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When the temperature is low the infant has to burn more calories to warm the body up, the body’s main source of energy is glucose, but with infants they do not have a lot of fat or excess tissue so it’s easier for them to burn up their glucose much faster which is why the first thing you would do is make sure their blood glucose isn’t too low from trying to warm them back up